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"the first match I competed in" - personal quality, talent, experience

3 - I will implement the changes, and thank you for your feedback, I greatly appreciate it. :)...

Undergraduatedannymanny - Nov 21, 2010dannymanny - Nov 21, 2010
"Abraham's teachings and his family": Tell us an experience that is important to you?

3 - I think you should use a word other than instinctive. If you look up what instinctive means, you'll...

Undergraduatekrisuclaarts - Nov 11, 2010EF_Kevin - Nov 21, 2010
"A diplomatic and open-minded writer" 100 word short answer about characteristics

4 - "I have a rich background, to say the least. ----in some situation, it is okay to use a cliche...

Undergraduatemcgraves26 - Nov 11, 2010EF_Kevin - Nov 21, 2010
Between nursing and veterinary - Rutgers Admissions Essay

4 - Here is another correction: Towards the end of my freshmen year, when the economy was at a low point...

Undergraduatenayara13 - Nov 11, 2010EF_Kevin - Nov 21, 2010
"[But a] heart makes you a champion."

4 - At this point, I think you need to use the past perfect verb tense: Joining cross country was ...

Undergraduatezilunaju - Nov 11, 2010EF_Kevin - Nov 21, 2010
"The components of medicine" - Personal Statement - Medical School

3 - Here is a place where I want to move a comma: This was my earliest hospital experience, and although...

GraduateCAngelo - Nov 12, 2010EF_Kevin - Nov 21, 2010
Is it OK to write about failures and changes? - UC (Listen to Silence)

6 - Wilson pointed to the book far right---I don't understand what you mean here. ... murmuring some words that...

Undergraduatelizziezhou - Nov 12, 2010EF_Kevin - Nov 21, 2010
Describe your grandmother who is important to you (150 words)

5 - When people say show, don't tell, it means you should not make a claim when you could instead give...

Writing Feedbackquynhtranghbt - Nov 12, 2010EF_Kevin - Nov 21, 2010
How to improve the vocabulary I use on essays for proficiency level?

5 - Well, at the time I am typing this, you still have about 10 days to prepare. If you...

Essayszoe_lfcna - Nov 12, 2010EF_Kevin - Nov 21, 2010
"Activism in Chicago" + "a selective enrollment high school" - UW Madison Statements

2 - ..., is one of the most amazing experiences I think you can say something more specific or descriptive here....

UndergraduateEastWisc - Nov 12, 2010EF_Kevin - Nov 21, 2010
"helping others understand math better" - Common App - Significant Experience (Math)

5 - This part is very interesting! Actually, it is ironic that gaining the wisdom to be less competitive can...

UndergraduateExplodingDonuts - Nov 12, 2010EF_Kevin - Nov 21, 2010
Well reflects sb's personality and uniqueness? COMMON APP

5 - I am glad about how ... Wow, this is an awesome piece of writing. I hope the AO...

Undergraduateflyhigh - Nov 12, 2010EF_Kevin - Nov 21, 2010
"My Wonderful Sister" - proofread my paragraph

4 - ...gives me good advices advice and I can trust... You write very well, but I think you...

Writing FeedbackNonita - Nov 12, 2010EF_Kevin - Nov 21, 2010
Do not understand the topic, influence of railway developements on people's live

2 - I think the prompt is asking you to describe the cause(s) that led to the creation of the railways....

Essaysrawiboks - Nov 18, 2010dannymanny - Nov 21, 2010
Congestion and air pollution because of increasing number of private cars

2 - Hi huong vu, First, it's under word limitation and you might be getting penalty for this. There are...

Writing Feedbackhuongvt - Nov 11, 2010adriennelin - Nov 20, 2010
TOEFL Essay: Physical health is a prerequisite for mental health and academic achievements

5 - Ilaria, you are a hero! I hope you and xinru li both check out essayforum.com/ef-contributor-page. I want to...

Writing Feedbacklurian - Nov 11, 2010EF_Kevin - Nov 20, 2010
"Honesty saved me more than lying ever could" - personal experience UC

2 - Wow, this is awesome, at first you gave an impression that would lower the standard of essays, like, it...

UndergraduateWingMan93 - Nov 20, 2010megazeroxuxm - Nov 20, 2010
"a social butterfly" - UC help I'm not sure if i'm headed in the right direction

5 - I am a social butterfly. ---I don't think it is good to begin the essay with an overused cliche....

UndergraduateZoopal93 - Nov 11, 2010EF_Kevin - Nov 20, 2010
Essay for a Game Design major

3 - Hahahaha, you are funny. Well, I am excited about your plan, because I recently discovered how excellent video...

UndergraduateJJoseph - Nov 11, 2010EF_Kevin - Nov 20, 2010
"I am the only one in my family to apply for a degree" - following the prompt right?

4 - Great job, Mustafa. And let me tell you a writing secret everyone should know: Before you decide to write,...

Undergraduateultimatemustafa - Nov 11, 2010EF_Kevin - Nov 20, 2010
"Leaving the safety of suburbia"- the nature of my personal statement isn't correct?

6 - Nope. It just is not successful as a hook. If you say something unexpected, that is cool, but...

Undergraduatecoconnor93 - Nov 11, 2010EF_Kevin - Nov 20, 2010
"Difficulty need not foreshadow despair or defeat." Bikes, Amherst Supplement

3 - The more obstacles a person must Facing obstacles to attain a certain outcome just means they will appreciate their...

Undergraduatemariumi57 - Nov 11, 2010EF_Kevin - Nov 20, 2010
"my family is whole again" (where you come from)+ "drawing on desks" (talent) my 2 UC

3 - Here is a tip that might help you in the future: I'm confused, and as I groggily get up...

UndergraduateGrace430 - Nov 15, 2010EF_Kevin - Nov 20, 2010
"Tradition of excellence: biology, physics, and chemistry" -Columbia University Essay

4 - Thank you very much. I pretty much constructed a very general essay and was planning on just changing the...

Undergraduateams1121 - Nov 20, 2010ams1121 - Nov 20, 2010
"You have to be able to talk" - best piece of advice I've ever been given - Brown

4 - ahahahhahaha, very cool sentence... basking in the sheer awkwardness --I don't think we bask in awkwardness. Bask...

Undergraduatenabid777 - Nov 11, 2010EF_Kevin - Nov 20, 2010
"to extend my knowledge of mathematics" - personal talent, UC Prompt

4 - There were many men in military uniform, and I was quite timid. I then looked over and saw a...

Undergraduatechrispark77 - Nov 11, 2010EF_Kevin - Nov 20, 2010
Nursing Program, OSU essay. I tried keeping it short and humorous but still mature.

5 - haha that is true, but the mascot at Ohio State is a buckeye which is actually a poisonous nut,...

UndergraduateGraei32 - Nov 12, 2010Graei32 - Nov 20, 2010
"Challenges that have shaped me into an indvidual" NYU, Common App

3 - didn't catch that ! thank you & good luck :D...

Undergraduatedayday4593 - Nov 20, 2010dayday4593 - Nov 20, 2010
"God has done his part" - LMU Supplement Journey to oneself

NEW - STATEMENT 1: At a recent Commencement Mass, LMU's former President, Fr. Robert Lawton, S.J. said: ''So what is the...

Undergraduatetaylor_1893 - Nov 20, 2010 -
"What is beyond the realm of high school for us" - Common App Short Answer feedback

4 - Thanks to both diarramarie1 and EF_Kevin for replies. I asked both my counselor and English teacher to read it...

Undergraduatemohdar - Nov 9, 2010mohdar - Nov 20, 2010
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