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Outline for "cause and effect"

7 - I'm not very sure about what you exactly mean by your problem. Try to include more details about your...

Essayskortiz503 - May 24, 2010Vera Song - Oct 27, 2010
"I want to know whom we are" - Stanford (intellectually engaging idea) need criticism

5 - I see your point as well. I tweaked it a little to not sound so negatively judgmental. Although the...

UndergraduateWeekyl - Oct 25, 2010Weekyl - Oct 27, 2010
"Math, science, and finding all the views and data" - Diversity essay

5 - Here is my new essay. Please critique!! As time moves forward I feel diversity constantly seems to reach...

Undergraduateseamusb - Oct 20, 2010seamusb - Oct 27, 2010
"How I've come to accept my father's return to Russia" Common app essay

5 - Thank you so much for editing my essay ! I loved your feedback I wanted to know if you...

Undergraduateliwewap - Oct 27, 2010Editor1010 - Oct 27, 2010
my career goal: to become a Pediatrician reasons for transferring, objects to achieve

2 - The first thing I noticed while reading your essay is that it's week grammatically. I will try to point...

Undergraduatecbv - Oct 23, 2010liwewap - Oct 27, 2010
Dou agree with keeping traditional skills alive?

6 - Thank you Kevin, I'll fix this essay....

Writing Feedbackriny - Oct 22, 2010riny - Oct 27, 2010
Biochemistry, my ambition in dentistry - Temple (academic development)

2 - Its marvelous to come back and see all my fellow classmates and professors; attending Temple University was a great...

Undergraduatesoccer1187 - Oct 23, 2010liwewap - Oct 27, 2010
"He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life"

3 - I'm going to take out the word "but" and use a semi-colon: It was not enough to just design...

Undergraduaterhk2rhk - Oct 23, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 27, 2010
"to teach art in the elementary school" - Narrative of Art Ed.

4 - Well I see that the responses you give other people are only a sentence or two long. One...

Scholarshipmgandrews - Oct 23, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 27, 2010
Emotional essay vs. Light hearted essay!

7 - Hi Kevin. Thank you for stopping by. What do you mean by weird, in a good or bad way?...

UndergraduateRyanVi16 - Oct 22, 2010RyanVi16 - Oct 27, 2010
Prioritizing income, rather than fondness for a job. UT topic B

2 - Seems like you need a boldly unorthodox sentence added to the end of that first paragraph. Surprise the reader...

UndergraduateKimishme - Oct 23, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 27, 2010
a health issue appropriate to child bearing and rearming family - scholarly paper

2 - Sounds dangerous! Parenting a child with cerebral parsy can cause stress and challenges to the family. No,...

Research Papersnaazth - Oct 23, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 27, 2010
"Biotechnology is certainly a growing field in this modern age" - Cornell

3 - You have only 300 words to use, so do not waste any with statements of the obvious. Even...

Undergraduatepartooz - Oct 23, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 27, 2010
"my first half iron-man triathlon" - common application short essay

3 - It has involved waking up at 4 A.M and heading to races, sacrificing Friday nights in order to rest,...

Undergraduatenadeem0322 - Oct 23, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 27, 2010
Innovation and technology" report on advertisement essay

2 - number agree =ment: Innovation and technology; these are the cornerstones of our modern... ...with the associated attributes of...

Writing Feedbackhannahkim91 - Oct 23, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 27, 2010
"Trip from China to LA" - Extracurricular Essay for UIUC

4 - I think the essay will be stronger if you focused on ONE specific event. Write it in great detail...

Undergraduatecindyflyfly - Oct 22, 2010iceui2 - Oct 27, 2010
"Academic Goals,Career Aspirations"-Tuition Scholarship for U of Maine

2 - The solution for this problem is always to do some web research and get more specific in your...

ScholarshipKimayu - Oct 23, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 27, 2010
Is the Internet itself bad for students?

2 - First of all, I believe all of you here are quite familiar with the internet.that sounds really awkward what...

Writing Feedbacknhilun - Oct 27, 2010midnight - Oct 27, 2010
"Efficient water management in the world" - global issue, georgetown sfs esssay

2 - The efficient management of water supplies will be increasingly important for nations that wish to maintain stable economies and...

Undergraduaterebrose - Oct 23, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 27, 2010
"I want to simply help others - a government major" - Cornell CAS Essay

5 - That's what I did, and I ended up making all my mistakes in my early 20s. Don't make...

Undergraduateaitherios - Oct 23, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 27, 2010
Developing Runner's Mindset -- Common App Essay for Stanford

5 - I agree with Weekl. I'm a little confused as to what sparked your obsession with running?...

UndergraduateJJlu - Oct 15, 2010whomp123 - Oct 27, 2010
Theater, LEAVING MYSELF BEHIND: CommonApp Short Answer, Extracurricular Activity

5 - Theater has shown me how a whisper can be ... Not much room for improvement, because it is...

Undergraduatenishabala - Oct 23, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 27, 2010
Chinese Music, Language and Literature

4 - I would like to simplify this part: I cannot say for sure, but I think rhythms of the piece...

Writing Feedbackyin - Oct 23, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 27, 2010
"architecture consumed each of my academic interests" - Supplement Essay for Cornell

3 - I would want to trim away some of this: To be frank, Gothic architecture never impressed me much. It...

Undergraduatespursfan2421 - Oct 23, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 27, 2010
Calculator Havoc -- Caltech Humor Essay

3 - Oh, an essay about theft and sabotage, very nice... :-) Use an apostrophe: friend's You wrote it...

Undergraduatesilverdra - Oct 22, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 27, 2010
TOEFL; Judging a person is not an easy task because the human nature is so complicated

4 - This needs a comma: To begin with, the external appearance does not reveal one's exact character and personality, although...

Writing Feedbacklabroy - Oct 22, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 27, 2010
"College search as a special interest, experience" - TULANE UNIVERSITY ESSAY

5 - A special experience that has had a significant influence on me is this: the college search. I think...

Undergraduatecschupp10 - Oct 23, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 27, 2010
Athlete, volleyball Short Answer - Common App Experience/Extracurricular

3 - Consider changing that or to an and. ... plays, rotations, and even footwork! This is an important correction:...

Undergraduatemadseckel - Oct 22, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 27, 2010
it's politics / sports reading vs. solar power / hip-hop mashups- Tufts Supplemental

7 - Well check this out for interestingness. You are choosing to go study there in Somerville and enter the...

UndergraduateAcepilot0 - Oct 22, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 27, 2010
"double-major in History and Economics" - Georgetown University Essay #2

4 - loose lose Now there's a great name for a rock band. No need for the comma...

Undergraduateboyohboy17 - Oct 17, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 27, 2010
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