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"5 Rings, 3 Months, 1 Unforgettable Experience" -- Common App Essay

3 - Hi Kevin, Thanks for the comments. I really do appreciate them! Yes, now that you mentioned it,...

Undergraduatejwwl - Oct 19, 2010jwwl - Oct 24, 2010
Meaningful Event (Leadership Seminar) - UF Essay

2 - The "you" in the beginning of the essay is totally different from the one at the end!! ...

Undergraduateshuerger - Oct 20, 2010linmark - Oct 24, 2010
how much of words is appropriate for scholarship essay?

7 - I think that close to 500 words is the best. Too much words will make the reader bored/lost/out of...

Scholarshipklatz238 - Oct 11, 2010Shane Valesquez - Oct 24, 2010
"Does My Generation Have a Role in America's Future?"

3 - Nice introduction. If it's a speech, it got to be more convincing, try improving on your sentences and adding...

Scholarshipbeapie - Oct 22, 2010Shane Valesquez - Oct 24, 2010
The mysteries of human memory: My Common App essay

6 - Hi Lala, No - tying back to your treasured learning/memory "happy enough to cry" would NOT make the essay...

UndergraduateLala0131 - Oct 17, 2010linmark - Oct 24, 2010
TOEFL Essay "What single item would you take on a one year trip?"

3 - To start with the reasonsFor some reason , I believe my personal item should be something that can intrigue...

Writing FeedbackIrrational - Oct 23, 2010jazzmeen - Oct 24, 2010
Am I really an Indian? - different communities and/or groups

4 - Hi, In your question, it states that; Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe...

Undergraduatemelkorthefoul - Oct 23, 2010dumi - Oct 24, 2010
"embroidery, the Chinese Cultural Experence Campus"- my common app

6 - You have a good style of writing. But you could have written better. Personally, I think you should...

Undergraduatebepa - Oct 24, 2010Traycat - Oct 24, 2010
"The Problem of Prejudice" - Common App Essay

7 - Excellent essay! The essay is well balanced between your observations and your inner thoughts. The entire essay flows...

Undergraduatetwinsbaseball - Oct 17, 2010zengrz - Oct 24, 2010
(Model United Nations) - CommonApp Short Answer

5 - many people write mun but every perspective is different. I am also an MUN'er and i think that the...

UndergraduateHarvestBristle - Oct 23, 2010yloot - Oct 24, 2010
Campus, Curriculum, Others surprised by me - Notre Dame supplements!

3 - I think you have totally nailed all three of your supplements. They're very impressive for only 150 words. I...

Undergraduatealexla - Oct 24, 2010chet1119 - Oct 24, 2010
From arrogant to understanding - Who has had a impact on your life (My Father)

4 - I think that you have a very good topic. Writing about a different culture is a very engaging topic...

UndergraduateKimishme - Oct 23, 2010boyohboy17 - Oct 24, 2010
"My uncle, the first President of Vietnam" - a person who has greatly influenced you

4 - This essay needs more of you in it...needs to be less of a history report! I'm Viet too and...

UndergraduatePhoebe Su - Oct 19, 2010alexla - Oct 23, 2010
Kashmir: Imagine looking through a window... - Williams College Supplement

5 - 280 words, I am finally within the word limit!...

Undergraduatechet1119 - Oct 23, 2010chet1119 - Oct 23, 2010
An advanced practice nurse (APN), the role of the FNP - my admission essay

2 - An advanced practice nurse (APN) is first of all a nurse, that has advanced education, knowledge and skills prepared...

UndergraduateLindakp - Oct 23, 2010raspberri - Oct 23, 2010
"Hard work and relationships" - Samfords Role

2 - Hey, this intro is very strong. You have a nice way of carrying the reader's attention along. I...

Undergraduateshelbysteward - Oct 19, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 23, 2010
Rewrite a story: Greenwood's mother from the novel The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath

2 - Her discerning eyes saw it all. --- so, is this your original sentence? It's very good, very intriguing. ...

Book ReportsHappyFace - Oct 19, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 23, 2010
"Super Babysitter"- Common App Short Answer

5 - The details of your babysitting experience, such as the family count and the activities you do, are quite fitting....

Undergraduaterelly21 - Oct 23, 2010alexla - Oct 23, 2010
"Why Stanford?" I want to be a bridge

4 - I like your bridge metaphor. Some parallels are drawn a bit awkward . e.g.: ... and attaching...

UndergraduateMKodicR - Oct 19, 2010JJlu - Oct 23, 2010
"the girls' basketball team" - one of your extracurricular activities/work experience

4 - Hi Jacqueline, I see that Gnu made an excellent revision and corrected all your sentences. I hope you practice...

Undergraduatejcoraizaca - Oct 19, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 23, 2010
(my youth hockey coaches) - Person of impact

2 - Not a good first sentence. It's boring! And "you name it" does not really fit the way you...

Undergraduatebjo - Oct 19, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 23, 2010
"Playing a violin" - GMU Admission Essay: Significant contribution

2 - typo: and was one of the youngest members . Don't use however this way: Mrs. Shu wanted me...

Undergraduateeternallove - Oct 19, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 23, 2010
"History, a need to understand the world" - Personal Statement- Topic of your Choice

3 - There is no doubt that your writing skills are amazing. Every sentence really well put together. My problem...

Undergraduateboyohboy17 - Oct 23, 2010blackpixel23 - Oct 23, 2010
MY ROOM ESSAY (to carry out various leisure activities)

3 - Keep all the verbs in the same "form" in that list of activities: studying, watching, listening, talking, surfing ...

Writing Feedbackmichy81508 - Oct 19, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 23, 2010
"music has always had a place in my life" - Cornell Music Supplement Essay

2 - Here are some "extra" words that I think you should cut: Having taken piano lessons for ten years with...

Undergraduatevenna3 - Oct 19, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 23, 2010
"I want to become a child psychologist" - my personal statement.

9 - in the first paragraph, you should spell out seven instead of 7 and for the last sentence put...

Undergraduatesolano1993 - Oct 18, 2010tee1709 - Oct 23, 2010
"3800 miles in the Atlantic" - Signifigant experience essay

2 - My trek began with my rear wheel in the Pacific and finished with my front wheel in the Atlantic,...

Undergraduatekatep - Oct 19, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 23, 2010
"Baseball is important to me" - Help with Occidental Supplement

4 - Big thanks to both of you, your help is much appreciated....

Undergraduatejj442434 - Oct 17, 2010jj442434 - Oct 23, 2010
About my choice of "Art"; Short answer - Written answers

3 - Don't cry! There is no reason to cry. In your statement, although you show that you have no...

Undergraduatemightygrinch - Oct 19, 2010dooleh - Oct 23, 2010
"She may have gone into.... , or [have] lost..." - sentence correction request

6 - Technically, both examples are grammatically correct. The first is a more concise rendering of the statement, while the second...

Grammar, Usagechristy199312 - Oct 12, 2010dooleh - Oct 23, 2010
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