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Engineering - Statement of Purpose for Undergraduate Studies.

4 - Overall, it is a little too informational and not emotive enough... emotive, with colorful words. Also, this sentence...

UndergraduateVasiq - Oct 11, 2009EF_Kevin - Oct 14, 2009
I am Vampire Slayer (not Dracula or the coven of the Twilight series type)

4 - No problem. Yeah the length is hard, especially when the piece you have written is already very concise....

Undergraduatedramacratic - Oct 13, 2009samcguff - Oct 14, 2009
"Pacing and pacing" - Fsu Admission Essay Vires

3 - You make the change sound so sudden, without explanation. You say you became "quiet" and "to yourself" but you...

Undergraduatetravisto - Oct 13, 2009Mariam892 - Oct 14, 2009
Undergrade Advice (contribute to diversity + meaningful event)

2 - Be honest, but do it in a tactful way. never put anything that will detract from the admissions office...

UndergraduateCollegeBoundKid - Oct 14, 2009Mariam892 - Oct 14, 2009
FSU "Vires, Artes, Mores".. artistic pursuits.

3 - You can just write another draft and post the new one below. Let me give my ieas for this...

Undergraduatebpyk - Oct 13, 2009EF_Kevin - Oct 14, 2009
Florida State Essay - Latin terms used correctly?

2 - This is great! The poem is great, and the inspiration you draw from your brother is, too. I think...

Undergraduatedatagirl - Oct 13, 2009EF_Kevin - Oct 14, 2009
Slower runners - FSU essay -vires, needs to be looked over

2 - When you refer to a word, put it in " " marks: The ideals within the Latin word "Vires"...

Undergraduateblakjackk - Oct 13, 2009EF_Kevin - Oct 14, 2009
FSU Essay, my father, my family, vires artes mores

2 - Religion and my family, especially my grandfather, have provided my guiding prrinciples throughout my life. I think you...

Undergraduateluiscabiya - Oct 13, 2009EF_Kevin - Oct 14, 2009
'The whole world is one big stage' - Admission Essay- Vires, Artes, Mores

2 - Use a comma to separate the 2 halves of a compound sentence: I open my eyes, and I...

Undergraduateaustnpd - Oct 13, 2009EF_Kevin - Oct 14, 2009
Heart of Darkness/Apocalypse now Comparison

2 - Hey that sure sounds like an impressive response. What is this "the horror" concept from? I mean, where...

Book Reportstrevgolfer - Oct 13, 2009EF_Kevin - Oct 14, 2009
learning language in your own country or the country it is spoken.

2 - You write very clearly, and with good grammar. I think there is an error in that first sentence, though....

Writing Feedbackzhigoolet - Oct 12, 2009EF_Kevin - Oct 14, 2009
this is my essay for university of notre dame. i need help with making it better

2 - After a few days at the centre, I knew what I wanted to do to help people if I...

Undergraduateoyinlola - Oct 12, 2009EF_Kevin - Oct 14, 2009
There are lots of unfairness between male and female over the past centuries.

2 - Verb tense and number agreement are giving you some difficulty: There are lots of unfair events that occur...

Writing Feedbackdltn88 - Oct 12, 2009EF_Kevin - Oct 14, 2009
'delightful school' - FSU - Vires Artes Mores

2 - Interesting approach! At the start, I might use " " marks: When a person is said to be...

Undergraduatefsugirl - Oct 12, 2009EF_Kevin - Oct 14, 2009
"Last summer" - Common Application Short Answer

2 - Why is functional cure in quotation marks? When I see something in quotation marks like that, I see it...

Undergraduatenpirwa4 - Oct 14, 2009Kev - Oct 14, 2009
'Speech-Language Pathology' - academic interests and goals - UIUC Essay #1

4 - thank you so much. i will revise it again and post the new one....

Undergraduatesenioryear - Oct 13, 2009senioryear - Oct 14, 2009
"to get a good education" - University of Florida: Amission Essay

4 - yes its very rough. i wasnt sure if it was on topic or not. thanks...

Undergraduatemarinaaddario - Oct 13, 2009marinaaddario - Oct 14, 2009
'all the trials and tribulations I have experienced' - GWU Transfer Admission Essay

6 - Wow thank you so much. Now just hope I get in!!...

Undergraduateashc79 - Oct 8, 2009ashc79 - Oct 14, 2009
government should spend as much money as possible on developing technology

3 - Your have some grammar errors in this essay, but I would do some revision before I worried about that....

Writing Feedbackthinhtvdhtm - Oct 13, 2009mikesperry79 - Oct 14, 2009
Melody of life ------- A story about music and movies

7 - samcguff I am sorry that I have so many grammer mistake...that's a severe problem. I will revise it carefully...

Undergraduatezealzou - Oct 13, 2009zealzou - Oct 14, 2009
Why essay ----- why Hamilton ---- thanks!

3 - harzel ok thanks...I think you are right. I haven't understood the school spirit enough...It's more than teach writing. I...

Undergraduatezealzou - Oct 14, 2009zealzou - Oct 14, 2009
My life embodies FSU's guiding philosophy - my explanation

7 - Should i just omit the first paragraph?...

Undergraduatemaryincollege - Oct 11, 2009maryincollege - Oct 14, 2009
Non sibi sed partiae - background / interest

5 - Thank you so much, I know I have alot of work to do. I will work on it some...

Undergraduatestedschris - Oct 13, 2009stedschris - Oct 14, 2009
Personal statement describing the applicant's objective, aspiration.

2 - At first, thanks for reviewing my essay!... Wow...you have a unique angle telling the story...but I think you...

Undergraduateeternal flame - Oct 14, 2009zealzou - Oct 14, 2009
need help in 1000 words essay writing on animation

12 - In this case, it just means the way the film looks, compared to, say, films animated with older technologies....

Undergraduatetwistedanimator - Oct 5, 2009EF_Sean - Oct 14, 2009
I do not have excellent English skills; COVER LETTER for postdoctoral position

NEW - Studying Immune Cells Function Dear Prof. OOO I am writing to apply for the postdoctoral position at...

LettersEunkyung Kim - Oct 13, 2009 -
"City vs. Countryside" - English class essay

4 - Your essay is based on your personal experience. It's good however the overuse of these experiences makes your essay...

Writing Feedbackkokujampo - Oct 13, 2009maybien_bk - Oct 13, 2009
"the oldest of 8 kids" - Personal Statement Law School

NEW - Tell ME what you think Being the oldest of 8 kids, I had thought that tutoring 3 middle...

Graduateracasen88 - Oct 13, 2009 -
Maria and father - FSU Essay.

3 - I think you are off to a good start and this a great paragraph. However, I do not think...

UndergraduateAGilberti1 - Oct 13, 2009mikesperry79 - Oct 13, 2009
"living more and more" - FSU ESSAY i need help

4 - Suspended for ignoring the thread title rules. EF...

Undergraduatehellomello15 - Oct 13, 2009EF_Team - Oct 13, 2009
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