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President Bush's September llth Address to the Nation

7 - Hah! The logic works, you must admit. If you believe there is a God, and that He is on...

Writing Feedbackluckystar - Sep 20, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 23, 2009
"a last memory with my great-grandma" - Personal Statemet--Input?

3 - your essay is definitely very touching. and although you dont necessarily talk about you as a person that much,...

Undergraduatekaymm - Sep 22, 2009stern22 - Sep 22, 2009
"Soccer" - comments/suggestions on common app short answer

8 - yeah i really like your idea...it's not cheesy...it's a good topic. however, your sentences are a little too short....

UndergraduateMegan - Sep 22, 2009stern22 - Sep 22, 2009
Evaluating the same essay? Common App Transfer Essay Inquiry.

6 - Excuse me for being dense, but are you implying that I can write up a personalized essay for the...

Undergraduateenycezbebe - Sep 22, 2009enycezbebe - Sep 22, 2009
the parallels of " The world on the Turtles back" and "The Genesis"

3 - Might the authors of these tales (who, in the case of Genesis, we know to be male) also be...

Writing Feedbackleone123 - Sep 20, 2009EF_Simone - Sep 22, 2009
I have always been one to try something new, especially involving music

2 - write out the 25. I totally disagree with tkkt1. Unless it's significant you always write out the number. unless...

Undergraduatesmt1192 - Sep 22, 2009pcvrz34g - Sep 22, 2009
GOOD AND BAD OF MULTICULTURL SOCIETY. DISCUSS

4 - Lol, I see you have discovered that some topics are, um, more sensitive than you thought. You are right...

Writing Feedbackniraj - Sep 21, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 22, 2009
"moved to Champaign from Nepal" - your decision to apply for transfer

9 - thank you guys:D...

Undergraduatebhawanashrestha - Aug 19, 2009bhawanashrestha - Sep 22, 2009
"To stand out among 40,000+ students" - umich diversity essay

5 - Thanks guys. You've been a great help. I think I'm going to re-do the whole essay and use a...

Undergraduaterimafadlallah - Sep 21, 2009rimafadlallah - Sep 22, 2009
My Essay on Disappearances in Pakistan. Help

3 - If you're going to talk about the U.S. in relation to Pakistan, you have to go back further in...

Writing Feedbackcantonhero - Sep 21, 2009EF_Simone - Sep 22, 2009
"I'm like a lot of things" - Is this good? UCF/Tufts

6 - Topic is interesting. But I think the certain "quality" you want to convey is not THAT clear....

Undergraduatecatherineb - Sep 20, 2009mike920125 - Sep 22, 2009
Originality is not such a concept that can be categorized in the first group or the other

4 - thanks, yes as i read again, it seems unclear.:( i write these essays as a practice for GRE exam.....

Writing Feedbackmina_sedaghatir - Sep 21, 2009mina_sedaghatir - Sep 22, 2009
Personal Essay: A Dog's Best Friend.

5 - Maybe some advice? My writing prof. explained that i should have a grey conclusion taht goes along with my...

Writing FeedbackJpicker - Sep 18, 2009Jpicker - Sep 22, 2009
Why I want to teach

4 - that's a bit repetitious. Remember, not only-but also. So it should read I learned to see...

Undergraduatebrittschissler - Sep 21, 2009pcvrz34g - Sep 21, 2009
"difficult situations to test" - Vires, Artes, Mores, FSU addmission essay

11 - The only way my family and I could get through this; iswas if we did it together. ...

Undergraduatesaco - Sep 20, 2009pcvrz34g - Sep 21, 2009
Hills Like White Elephants Essay (man and girl frustration)

2 - You are on the right track. One concern I have, though, is that the prompt asks you who you...

Writing Feedbackhazelc - Sep 21, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 21, 2009
"UCF is my first choice" - just need some advice.

4 - The thing is, there really isn't a huge reason I want to go besides A. Some friends go there...

Undergraduatehelgoth11 - Sep 21, 2009helgoth11 - Sep 21, 2009
Does my resume look alright to you?? any help would be great! thank you soo much

3 - You have included more or less the right sort of information. You should probably expand on some of your...

Lettershakimhusein - Sep 21, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 21, 2009
"The future / Community service" - U of I Short essays

6 - These are stronger. You could make them even better if you tried replacing some of the weak verbs you...

Undergraduatedfudali - Sep 15, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 21, 2009
Summary/Response: Kant's Public and Private Use of Reason

4 - Thank you I appreciate the help....

Writing Feedbackmilkee_0923 - Sep 17, 2009milkee_0923 - Sep 21, 2009
"Studying overseas" - I AM PREPARING FOR IELTS EXAM

2 - Hi, I'm also new in this forum so i'll try my best to help you out with this...

Writing Feedbackangel_luv - Sep 21, 2009elainedlcruz - Sep 21, 2009
"the normal family"+"working at camps" - UC prompt #1 & 2

3 - I agree, the essays were both beautifully written but the conclusions doesn't really tie in with the essays! Other...

Undergraduateachoy014 - Sep 20, 2009omarxcore - Sep 21, 2009
"to expand these values" - Florida State Entrance Essay

5 - I agree with the other feedback. Those reading these applications know what the prompt is and what the words...

Undergraduateseanylax21 - Sep 18, 2009heddergirl723 - Sep 21, 2009
educational and personal goals - UNCW Wilmington Essay

2 - I like this metaphor a lot. However, the rest of the essay is weak. When it comes down...

Undergraduatelaurn1020 - Sep 20, 2009EF_Simone - Sep 21, 2009
Process Essay. Water Polo.

2 - This is your conclusion right now. It functions weakly as a conclusion and ought to go in the...

Writing FeedbackDEW72 - Sep 20, 2009EF_Simone - Sep 21, 2009
Initial Florida State Essay - content only

3 - waaaay too vague. what are these difficult choice you have faced? what specific incidents have tested your moral fiber?...

Undergraduatemroth2 - Sep 20, 2009SeeHerFly - Sep 21, 2009
"How did you get caught?" - University of Chicago Supplemental Essay

3 - Well, my goal was actually to describe how Joanne functioned more as a dose of reality. I didn't mean...

UndergraduateLunacy - Sep 20, 2009Lunacy - Sep 21, 2009
World you came from, personality - UC Prompt #1 & #2

7 - Redid the first prompt: I'm not sure how I should end it though. I decided to write about a...

Undergraduatekloud - Sep 20, 2009kloud - Sep 21, 2009
Are you bored doing the same tasks over and over again? - Definition Essay

2 - Hypo stress is the type of stress one would encounter if they do a job that does not require...

Writing Feedbackvwyodapink - Sep 20, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 21, 2009
"Get an A, but no brain" - Cheating and plagiarism

12 - While we get a fair number of aspiring freeriders here, the default assumption for anyone new should be that...

Writing Feedbacklorelain - Sep 17, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 21, 2009
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