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"I will never forget my mother" - UCF undergrad essay.

4 - Try to vary your sentence structure and length. Other than that, great essay....

UndergraduateAmichaelg91 - Sep 20, 2009dancer2010 - Sep 20, 2009
Overcoming Domestic Violence - UC Transfer App

8 - EF_Sean..."I'm a crazy person who's off her meds, and who in fact refused to go on them." LOL!...

UndergraduateSeeHerFly - Sep 19, 2009SeeHerFly - Sep 20, 2009
toefl -- needed land / protecting environment

5 - I can't help but notice that many of your comments on other people's threads have been a bit brief...

Writing FeedbackJin - Sep 19, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 20, 2009
Yale Supplement Essay - My Little Sculptors (tentative title)

6 - The first paragraph is fine. So is the Spanish. But, you need to talk more about how the experience...

UndergraduateJavierA - Sep 19, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 20, 2009
UCF ENTRANCE (family history, culture, enviornment)

5 - Explain more of how you changed since you've moved. Good essay though....

UndergraduateErickCo19 - Sep 16, 2009Amichaelg91 - Sep 20, 2009
Common App - Influential Person (my dad)

3 - ^That's a pretty young smuggler. You need to change the angle of your essay. Right now your...

Undergraduateloserish - Sep 20, 2009Llamapoop123 - Sep 20, 2009
Helping my mom fight for her life - obstacle, bump - criticism you may have

4 - thanks, I have to write two essays, and both of them cannot be more than 500 combined....

UndergraduateAmichaelg91 - Sep 20, 2009Amichaelg91 - Sep 20, 2009
reformation in education good or not? why?

2 - Certainly. But you must do your part too. I notice that you have posted two essays for feedback,...

Writing Feedbackkhoctham - Sep 20, 2009EF_Simone - Sep 20, 2009
'I would like to live in a big city' - For Toefl writting - need a score

7 - i am afraid that it is too long...

Writing Feedbackfishbaby - Sep 17, 2009khoctham - Sep 20, 2009
FSU CARE Program Essay; Frank Lloyd Wright once said...

7 - Thank you for your help.(:...

Undergraduatemarkattack - Sep 19, 2009markattack - Sep 20, 2009
"My first time" - Common App Essay (significant experience)

7 - Yea I was concerned with the "personal" part compared to the gymnastics descriptions. I will definitely change that. And...

Undergraduatedkinny23 - Sep 19, 2009dkinny23 - Sep 20, 2009
The Tense Tour Guide (Short Answer for Common App)

4 - OK, here is my revision: Any further advice is highly welcome, thx! -------------------------------------------------- Suddenly, "Let me...

UndergraduateLeozhq - Sep 20, 2009Leozhq - Sep 20, 2009
Intellecutal Interest: Mathematics (Cornell Essay)

5 - Well since your major isn't yet decided, I guess you can.. I'm not too sure. I would talk more...

Undergraduateessayhelp - Sep 19, 2009pcvrz34g - Sep 20, 2009
Camp Merri-Mac (UF Essay...A meaningful experience)

2 - This is fine but a bit dull, mostly because of your propensity for padding your sentences with extra words....

Undergraduatekma721 - Sep 20, 2009EF_Simone - Sep 20, 2009
'Korean student died'; The advantage and disadvantage of the Internet

2 - In your conclusion, you list recommendations related to only two of your points. If you're going to list recommendations,...

Writing Feedbackessay0405 - Sep 20, 2009EF_Simone - Sep 20, 2009
Essay for my undergrad elective - Empirical vs logical validity

3 - Thank you so much. Now that's logical!...

Essaysstudentoflife - Sep 19, 2009studentoflife - Sep 20, 2009
Common App Main Essay, On Love

4 - I believe your essay is a good starting off point, but you definietly need to fix the grammar. I...

Undergraduatezouztingt - Sep 11, 2009kma721 - Sep 20, 2009
Common Application Essay on Cousteau

4 - Yay, minimal redraft: 'What Lies Beneath' Jacques-Yves Cousteau. To many, maybe just a name. However, to me,...

UndergraduateUgla - Sep 13, 2009Ugla - Sep 20, 2009
toefl -- success and luck

7 - personally, i think you should not to many pronoun such as:i you we in essays...

Writing FeedbackJin - Sep 18, 2009thinhtvdhtm - Sep 20, 2009
A meal is not only the original resource for daily energy and health but also the spirit feast

14 - thank for your help. i will try it...

Writing FeedbackJin - Sep 14, 2009thinhtvdhtm - Sep 20, 2009
Narrative essay / the street artist

5 - The story is too pat to be realistic. Also, the theme of the etching, according to the website you...

Writing Feedbackal_nadwani - Sep 19, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 20, 2009
MA in architecture motivation to a programme

2 - "Working in a team, I showed up leader skills and organized our work" I'm also somewhat confused by the...

Graduatebebert - Sep 20, 2009mikowoo - Sep 20, 2009
UIUC essay #1 about computer engineering

3 - Damn, that's a lot squeezed into 300 words!...

Undergraduateludao822 - Sep 19, 2009cdrappi - Sep 19, 2009
Ethical dilemma or risk - "Money solves all problems"

19 - I knew that with the additional income, I would be able to take some of the burden off her...

Undergraduateshirleytse - Aug 29, 2009SeeHerFly - Sep 19, 2009
"the day she became my mother" - Personal Statement help

3 - You need to write a much more focused essay. At the moment, you do a good job of introducing...

Undergraduateawesome lovato - Sep 19, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 19, 2009
Toefl Topic -- "A person you know is coming to your town"

5 - You're not doing too badly for a TOEFL essay. You should reorder either your paragraphs or your introduction, however,...

Writing Feedbackzhigoolet - Sep 19, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 19, 2009
Macaulay - some issue or concern essay

20 - It's very topical, and could easily lead to a cliched essays full of misunderstandings and misinterpretation. It could also...

Undergraduateshirleytse - Aug 29, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 19, 2009
"Most conversations with my classmates" - Umich short answer

3 - "I could not bring myself to admit this " "I learned that even though I excelled in certain...

Undergraduateshirleytse - Sep 19, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 19, 2009
"Two cultures" - STANFORD COMMON APP ESSAY

2 - This essay is already fairly good. You could try strengthening some of your verbs, especially where you find yourself...

Undergraduatejchevallier - Sep 19, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 19, 2009
"well-rounded person" - FSU entrance essay

8 - It's easy to forget the big picture when your daily life is packed with academics and athletics. Every college...

Undergraduatejodim10 - Sep 18, 2009jodim10 - Sep 19, 2009
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