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"My parents focused on helping me" - UCF application

11 - I get nothing about family history or culture. Did your parents come from a country where it was hard...

UndergraduateBordonarov - Sep 6, 2009jgv115 - Sep 9, 2009
"Perseverance...sacrifice...selflessness..." - COMMON APP MAIN ESSAY

7 - thank you, will do...

Undergraduatejbd1992 - Sep 7, 2009jbd1992 - Sep 9, 2009
Changing Community (a problem of perception)

2 - I think your first sentence is redundant. Save space for more vivid details that you can write about. And...

Undergraduatetkkt1 - Sep 8, 2009eternal flame - Sep 9, 2009
"there is more to music than just the written word" - UF undergrad essay-> 1979

5 - Yeah that's where I kind of died in writing, kind of wrote this in one sitting so i figured...

UndergraduateNightmre1225 - Sep 8, 2009Nightmre1225 - Sep 8, 2009
Marching Band (My Essay For UF)

2 - This is not an essay. It's one long run-on paragraph. Break this into paragraphs. Along the way, proofread for...

UndergraduateKelz0 - Sep 8, 2009EF_Simone - Sep 8, 2009
"My love for Computers" - U of I #1

4 - How so? I think that you should omit this sentence because it's irrelevant. Omit that too....

Undergraduatenellyspageli - Sep 8, 2009Mayada - Sep 8, 2009
whether solving the problems needs understand the past?

9 - EF_Simone get it :)...

Writing Feedbackangelwds - Sep 5, 2009angelwds - Sep 8, 2009
"Becoming a knight" - Application Essay for UCF.

9 - You mention that UCF was and is your first choice. You might want to elaborate on why it was...

Undergraduatedanceislife_e - Sep 4, 2009nellyspageli - Sep 8, 2009
Our university value diversity. Explain what diversity you can bring.

2 - That's it exactly. We need to see some specific examples of ways in which your diverse experiences have...

Undergraduateflo144 - Sep 8, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 8, 2009
Making A Difference (to save the environment)

9 - Perhaps you could condense the essay a bit too. The story itself is good, as it shows that you...

Writing Feedbackkmauer21 - Sep 1, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 8, 2009
Piano; practicing a classical piece satisfies me, I can feel the tangible results of my improvement

9 - He must have sat down and played improvisational music several times. Each of these times, he played a...

UndergraduatePikafu - Sep 4, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 8, 2009
Is Death Penalty FAIR? Opinion essay.

3 - Oh dear. I agree that the death penalty should be carried out much faster than it currently is (if...

Writing Feedbacksecret_blossom - Sep 7, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 8, 2009
SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT STUDENTS STUDY EFFECIENTLY IN GROUPS.DISCUSS

5 - All-caps is generally taken as shouting, whether in titles or in posts. Headlines are meant to shout, to attract...

Writing Feedbackniraj - Sep 8, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 8, 2009
To what extent is your society effectively dealing with crime?

4 - First, you have to decide which country you are dealing with ("this country" is a bit vague when you...

Writing Feedbacklook416 - Sep 8, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 8, 2009
Really need a good Topic related in Financial Derivative market for master degre

4 - If you have made it to the Masters level, one sincerely hopes you have both the interest and the...

Graduategx2009 - Sep 1, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 8, 2009
'Strong Mechanical Engineer' - Personal Statement 250 words min. Why Transfer?

3 - I'd start here, and cut the paragraph about your mother entirely. I certainly wouldn't expand on it. If...

Undergraduatejemma2011 - Sep 8, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 8, 2009
British Romantic Poetry

6 - In the case of the poetry you are studying, reread the poems a few times to understand the story...

Poetrybutterfly - Sep 6, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 8, 2009
Write about someone who has impacted your life and why ("My mother")

3 - Yeah, I'd strongly urge you to pick someone else to talk about. Maybe you have a sibling, friend, or...

Undergraduategabbyninja - Sep 8, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 8, 2009
Europe Masters program admission Essays (your motivation to enter the programme)

4 - Thanks a lot for ur views...

Graduatensdhanju - Sep 8, 2009nsdhanju - Sep 8, 2009
Toefl topic:"When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has...."

5 - You have many issues in this essay. I will hit the big ones. Your second paragraph ends abruptly....

Writing Feedbackzkglr - Sep 7, 2009Catlady - Sep 8, 2009
Children should start attending school at a very young age even b4 they can read

4 - you write a very small esssay, try to eleborate more. you can add play school that children should go...

Writing Feedbackliiintz - Sep 7, 2009niraj - Sep 8, 2009
Everything began during the hot and breezy Summer ; Reality check essay

3 - Thanks for the heads up Simone...

Writing FeedbackThumperSD - Sep 7, 2009ThumperSD - Sep 7, 2009
CBEST: If you could be any age that you wanted to be, what age would you choose?

2 - Hmm... This is fine, but simplistic. I wonder if you might want to say something about valuing what you...

Writing Feedbackbubuvio - Sep 7, 2009EF_Simone - Sep 7, 2009
"swim coach" - Person of influence. Common App

7 - yup, and sean! :D...

Undergraduatesnvswim247 - Sep 7, 2009tal105 - Sep 7, 2009
Another one for Roomies... (So many people are applying to Standford !)

22 - honestly, its just a list to me. it seems like its not creative b.c. you took the easy way...

Undergraduateamy87014 - Sep 2, 2009tal105 - Sep 7, 2009
All of a sudden everything is different; it was as if I'm experiencing the plots of a drama; Tragedy

9 - emotion... my English teachers always say that my essays lack emotion. One thing I don't get is how do...

Undergraduateamy87014 - Sep 6, 2009amy87014 - Sep 7, 2009
Hospitality Management - my Rough Draft for my UCF application Essay :)

2 - the first 2 paragraphs are really good! and the last one isnt weak, persay, but it starts to get...

UndergraduateKelz0 - Sep 7, 2009Beautifulnights - Sep 7, 2009
"1...2...BOOM!"- Common app

9 - Great essay, nothing i can add more than what has already been said, but try your hardest to be...

UndergraduateBeautifulnights - Sep 7, 2009jbd1992 - Sep 7, 2009
'studying photography' - FSU Essay -- Vires, Artes, Mores

8 - I like it! and as someone who took photo I once, I can totally relate the whole "half the...

UndergraduateK_Titus - Aug 31, 2009Beautifulnights - Sep 7, 2009
'I went up on the stage and bowed' - Common App - Random Topic

13 - Very nice essay! I like it, and I don't think its too vague- you were going the "show, dont...

Undergraduateepkrnftblluva - Sep 1, 2009Beautifulnights - Sep 7, 2009
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