- This is my draft of the comparison essay
- My teacher said that "your language can be difficult and confusing to understand because of word choices and sentence structures", however, the idea is ok so I want to keep it
-Please read my draft and give me feedback on English issue
Have you ever wondered the difference between intentional cruelty and circumstantial cruelty? Those differences are reflected through two popular Aesop fables "The Fox and the Monkey" and "The Fox and the Goat". In general, these two fables share many similarities and differences in the main characters, the moral of the story, and the plot of the story. To be more specific, both stories portray the inner cruelty of the fox - one of the two main characters in each story, who has harmful intentions and kills other characters to reach their purpose more easily. In the story "The Fox and the Monkey", the cruel fox never admires his King- the Monkey, he cheats and kills the money to earn power and seems to become a new Animal's King, this is intentional cruelty. Otherwise, the fox in "The Fox and the Goat" could not escape the well and then he took advantage of the goat to earn existence, but the pitiful goat never can jump in the well anymore. Contrary to intentional cruelty, this fox just became cruel when he was also stuck in a difficult situation, that is circumstantial cruelty. Both stories warn about risk and being cautious in every circumstance whether you are a King or just a "thirsty goat".
The fox always has the role of the negative character, belonging to the stronger side in every story with a variety of ways to injure the weaker protagonist. While the jealous fox in the story "The Fox and the monkey" cheat the Monkey King to take the treasure in the trap because he has this harmful purpose at the first time, and seems to become the next Animal's King, the second fox in "The Fox and the Goat" cheat the Goat jumped into the well due to a dangerous situation, the fox knew he won't exist if he doesn't take the unfair advantage of the goat. The first fox is crueler and more crafty than the second fox and killed the monkey indirectly because of his jealousy when the monkey became Animal's King. Every purpose of the fox all from he thinking, the Monkey never worthy than him in his mind and he can't admire the King who got this position due to dancing. On the other hand, the fox in "the fox and the goat" is also a piteous character, he knew he can't escape by himself, instead of finding a straightforward way or finding somebody can help him, he chose to cheat a thirsty goat.
Besides the negative side is the fox, the monkey, and the goat have the victim role in the two stories. Both victims were injured by the fox, however in two different ways and two different plots and backgrounds. The Monkey is the Animal's King but he is very gullible and greedy, even he can't control himself, how can he become a King with the lucid ego of the leader, that's the reason why he is stuck under the trap of the normal fox. The monkey's personality and behavior also lead to his loss, everything may change if he is more intelligent. In comparison with the monkey, the goat is more piteous than the monkey, the foolish goat completely believed in the fox when the fox just told him some feedback about the water under the well. The goat was very thirsty and seemed tired, he jumped into the well without any doubt and backup plan because of believing in fox speech and fake kindness, he helped the fox can come back to the forest but he never can. Both the monkey and the goat already pay the penalty for their action and behavior, the monkey lost in the trap, to implies he lost his ruler position, likewise, the goat never can escape the well anymore.
At the end of each story, the two foxes gave the loser the ridicules with the feeling one's hear fullest content. The ridicules of the foxes are also the moral of the stories, although the foxes are cruel and crafty, they are the smartest and exist characters at the end of the stories. The King Monkey illustrate a lot of people, who rule a big community but still have greedy and gullible personality, they often follow the incitement of others without their own ego, without doubt, and thinking. When people are a ruler, they should prepare and improve the behavior and features which fit with the powerful position. The Goat represents people who easy to believe others without doubt or any backup plan for themselves, especially in difficult situations. From the end of the goat, we have to be careful with everything outside the door, in any situation, even in our difficult circumstances, we need more cautious because this is the best chance that others can take the advantage of us. In the end, the monkey and the goat lost everything, including their life, there is a lesson that we should learn by heart and never become a victim in the same situation.
In conclusion, both stories give us many valuable lessons which we can see in our reality. "The Fox and the Monkey" bring us the story about which qualities are suitable for the true leader, the true King should believe and solve problems depending on his ego, and always be careful although a King or a normal citizen, and "The Fox and the Goat" has a similar plot to the above story is cautious, however in the different background, the Goat is thirsty and he was blind in his hard circumstances. The first fox has intentional cruelty and the second fox circumstantial cruelty is the factor that helps the story develop in two different ways, the jealousy that was fed day by day can make this fox become a murderer, while the second fox had harmful action when he fell in the worst situation. There is no doubt about the ending of both stories and the ridicules of the fox at the end of each story, after reading whole stories, the ridicules like a reminder help us learn by heart the lesson in the story.
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The teacher is correct to say that the report suffers in terms of word usage and sentence clarity. While the student has above beginner level English vocabulary, he is not at the intermediate level yet. I would say that the writing skill presented here is not above an elementary level. It has a long way to go in terms of becoming a high school level piece of writing. The other problem the writing has, is related to punctuation mark usage. The student has limited himself to using only full stops, rather than varying the punctuation marks to offer a more varied tone when reading the written work.
It would have also helped if the writer clearly identified which story is being discussed in the paragraphs. Use actual comparisons, rather than combined observations. A professional editor / writer will be able to help you preserve your original thought, while cleaning up the errors that the teacher mentioned.