Editing help: comparing Death of a Salesman and Fences

The two plays Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller and Fences by August Wilson are drastically different from one other in terms of plot but the two have a large amount of similar themes that they share between them. The stories revolve around families that are far from the stereotypical American dream and how they hope to achieve this conceived state of normalcy. The concept of sports plays a large role in both Death of a Salesman and Fences as both main characters have a son who wishes to better himself by playing sports in school. In both plays women are seen more as objects to be used than to be treated well, this leads to both protagonists having affairs outside of their own marriages. The concept of death is also strong in both plays as both end with the protagonist's funeral. Another main idea in both plays is that almost all the characters in the two plays lie extensively both to themselves and others.

Death plays a large role in both of the plays as August Wilson's Troy tells the tale of how he wrestled with death himself for four days before winning to his friend Bono while Arthur Miller's Willy sees those who are dead. Willy ends up committing suicide after many attempts as he believes that doing so will help his family succeed as upon his death the insurance will pay his family twenty thousand dollars which he hopes his son Biff will use to better himself. Willy kills himself at the end of the play however the idea of Willy committing suicide is foreshadowed throughout the entire play such as when Willy's wife Linda finds a tube which she believes he has been using to attempt asphyxiate himself. Willy has also crashed his car several times to the point that the insurance company now believes that he is doing so on purpose.

Troy tells the tale about him fighting death by wrestling with him to his friend Bono however his wife Rose states that at the time Troy had pneumonia. Troy also goes on to tell how he made a deal with the devil that in exchange for Troy paying him ten dollars a month he would give Troy furniture for his home. Rose also disputes this saying that Troy had simply put the furniture on layaway and that he does not have to pay ten dollars to anyone with a simple "Troy lying" (1.1) when Troy says to Bono that she will back up his story. Death is also seen as both the plays end with the funeral of the protagonist, in Willy's case no one but his family and neighbor show up despite the fact that he believes all of his old friends from business would come, while Troy's son comes despite the fact that they have not spoken in years. Troy's death occurs after he swings a bat causing him to just fall over dead which is similar to when Cory leaves the house for the last time before his father's funeral. "Troy assumes a batting posture and begins to taunt Death, the fast ball on the outside corner". Troy's death can thus be seen as predetermined by his constant heckling of Death for no apparent reason. Death also visits Troy's mistress who dies giving birth to Troy's daughter Raynell, Rose agrees to help take care of her as a baby but then tells Troy that he has no woman now.

This is only one of the many ways that women are disregarded and neglected in the two poems. Troy and Willy both have affairs outside of their marriage however Troy's leads to a child born out of wed lock and his mistress's death while Willy's leads to his son no longer respecting him. Willy's son Biff discovers that Willy is having an affair when he goes up to Boston to tell him that he has failed math and will have to take it again which causes their once strong relationship to completely disintegrate. Willy attempts to hide his relationship even when caught red handed by his son just as Troy first does, telling him that she was just a client who came over because they were painting her room. When Troy's affair is comes out everyone knows about it whereas when Willy's son discovers his father's indiscretions he covers it up causing their lives to be drastically different from one another's. Troy's marriage implodes upon the discovery that he was not faithful to his wife while Willy's marriage remains intact even after his death due to the fact that his son kept silent about what he had discovered.

Willy also ignores his wife's pain and not even noticing it in other places as when he began to speak to himself at night causing his son Biff to be in complete disbelief that he would do such a thing saying to his brother "doesn't he know Mom can hear that?" (The Compact Bedford Introduction to Literature With 2009 MLA Update Reading, Thinking, Writing, 1380). Willy often lies to his wife about how much money he has made, borrowing money from his neighbor to cover for the extra that he is claiming to have made but did not. Troy on the other hand ignores his wife's pain in a different way as Rose likes to play the numbers and Troy proceeds to tear her down because of it. Rose used playing the numbers as a coping mechanism because she realized that her life was hard and according to Cory was afraid of her own husband at times.

Another aspect that both plays have in common is the idea of sports as both Willy and Troy have sons who wish to play sports in college. The boys, Biff and Cory, are met with very different reactions as Willy is completely supportive of the idea whereas Troy does everything in his power to stop it. Willy believes that his son can have a bright future if his son becomes a famous athlete however his dream of his sons success becomes as broken as Cory's due to the fact that Biff becomes disillusioned about his father because he had an affair. While Biff's father was understanding and supportive Cory's was the direct opposite. Troy does not want Cory to have anything to do with sports due to his own experience with how he was treated when he wanted to play baseball. Troy had been discriminated upon and wanted to save his son from the same disappointment he felt at being denied his dream however he went about it in the entirely wrong way as he denied his son the same experience which had shaped him as a boy. Troy cannot understand how society has changed to become more open about African-Americans playing sports, while Cory cannot understand his father's view that society is not open for African-Americans.

Lying is also a large part of both "Fences" and "Death of a Salesman" as almost all the characters lie both to themselves and others. Troy lies to his friends and himself about his affair before it became common knowledge as well as his feelings on sports. Troy fears that his son will be rejected because he is not white while he is unconsciously jealous of him as he knows that his son lives in a time where there is a small chance that he could become a baseball star like he could not.

For a nice presentation, and some efficiency, try rewording a little here:
The two plays Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller and Fences by August Wilson are drastically different from one other plays in terms of plot, but the two ...

Okay, that first paragraph lists several points, but I think we need a thesis statement at the end that can serve as an "overarching" theme, one that can be the memorable, main idea of the essay.

Use commas in this situation:... as when Willy's wife, Linda, finds a...

Commas again: .... Willy's son, Biff, discovers that...

Willy also ignores his wife's pain and does not even notice it on some occasions , such as when he begins to speak to himself at...

Most of the time, you kept with the present verb tense, but in some places you are slipping into the past tense!

You are doing very well! I just want to mention one more time the importance of one overarching theme. I wish you could come up with one sentence that expresses the main message of this essay.

In fact, it is great if you can find a single WORD that expresses your main idea/theme. Do you know what I mean?

:-)