Can i please get this edited by tonight i have to hand it in tomorrow its supposed to be a formal 5 paragraph essay..
Change anyhting that will make it better..
Everybody at one point depends on others. In the book "A Thousand Splendid Suns", by Khaled Hosseini, he portrays a character, Mariam, whose insecurities make her depend on other peoples commands. As the book progresses, Mariam grows into a stronger person. She becomes independent, confident, and learns to take action on her own.
Mariam is a very insecure girl at the beginning of the novel. She learns to believe everything her mother, Nana, tells her. When Nana tells her that "[she] cut the cord between [them] herself" (Khaled Hosseini, 11), Mariam replies with a "sorry" (Hosseini, 11) as usual. Mariam has a character that can be easily manipulated. Jalil, Miriam's father tries to help Mariam and Nana, while Nana refuses the help. Mariam is torn between two sides and becomes very insecure and unsure of herself and with her thoughts. Nana calling Mariam "a clumsy little Harami" (Hosseini 4) and a "stupid girl" (Hosseini 27) also makes Mariam very dependant on other peoples opinions.
Later on in the book Mariam realizes that she is living in an unrealistic world. Nana has been protecting her from all the harmful things the outside will do and say. Nana even threatens Mariam by telling her the other children will "laugh at [her] in school. They will. They'll call [her] harami. They'll say the most terrible things about [her]" (Hosseini 19) Mariam, as usual, agrees and doesn't ask again. At her fifteenth birthday Mariam finally develops the courage to go search for her father. Once she is in Heart, Mariam realizes "Nana was wrong" (Hosseini 30) about the outside and about everything else. At this point Mariam is starting to develop the courage she lacks in the beginning. But that courage once again gets crushed when she finds out her mother was right about everything.
Finally near the end of the book, Mariam shows a lot of courage when she saves her friend Laila from Rasheed. When Rasheed was questioning Laila about Tariq 'Mariam began to say something" (Hosseini, 344) but was cut off by Rasheed. When Rasheed got too out of hand Mariam did one of the most courageous things she has done in her life, Mariam 'burst through the front door. Crossed the yard. In the toolshed, [she] grabbed [a] shovel (Hosseini, 347) when she got back in the house "[she] swung". Mariam had gotten enough courage to kill Rasheed. As Mariam hit Rasheed, "it occurred to her that this was the first time that she was deciding the course of her own life" (Hosseini, 349). Mariam finally learns to stand up for herself and not do everything she is told because it will not do her any good.
Help from others is always needed but should not be depended on. As Mariam grows older and more mature, she realizes that she should not do what other people tell her but should instead do what she thinks she should do and what she thinks is right. Your life your choices.
Your essay would be stronger if you talked about how Mariam grows and becomes more courageous. At the moment, you say that she starts out weak and dependent, is made more weak and dependent, then becomes independent, without really showing how she gets to that last stage.If you were to talk more about how she finds her courage, the essay might seem a bit more coherent.
Hey, sorry I didn't comment last night! Good thing Sean was here. I like the idea of reflecting more on the character's process of development, etc. Your essay is a little skimpy on the intro and conclusion. Right now, the thesis seems to be:
She becomes independent, confident, and learns to take action on her own.
It is good that you have a clear thesis. It could be better if it was more complex, and if the intro and conclusion paragraphs were developed a little better. But I know you are turning it in as I type this, so, good luck! It is already great the way it is!
