Hi guys I'm new here and I really need some help with my essay! Could you all help me check if my grammar is alright? Also, it'll be great if you all can provide some feedback on how I can improve this essay. Do you all find it a bit too long?
I could feel the sweat starting to form on my palms as my classmates stared at me.
"Who do you identify yourself with Lishan?" my literature teacher repeated herself.
I was completely baffled and could not answer her.
I have always felt like I never really fit in. For a start, I am of both Chinese and Indian descent. Whenever the dreaded issue of race comes up, I find myself wishing for a hole to appear and suck me into the ground.
The need to find a sense of belonging resulted in a myriad of questions that no one could answer. Thus, I supplemented my curiosity by perusing through books. I took classes in post-colonial literature to satisfy my appetite for the search for an identity. This led me to read Suchen Christine Lim's A Fistful Of Colours.
The book narrates the story of how Suwen, a young Chinese Singaporean artist, struggles to establish her identity. Educated in England, Suwen could not speak Mandarin and felt most comfortable conversing in English. Her art pieces, which are inspired by the Western culture, are blatantly rejected by the Singaporean community. Suwen's inability to accept her differences resulted in a painful emotional turmoil and her leaving the country.
In contrast, Suwen's friend Nica felt much more at ease with her differences. As a Singaporean of Chinese and Indian heritage, she is often question about her identity. Instead of trying to fit in with a specific community, Nica will outrightly state that she is "just Nica". She refuses to conform to society's expectations of her and eventually manages to establish herself as a successful artist. The freedom Nica felt when she dismissed the constant pressure to belong made her much happier than Suwen.
Before I read the novel, I kept contemplating over the same question ï Where do I belong?
However, my thoughts soon evolved ï Do I really need to belong?
People always seem to perceive me wrongly because I do not act like a typical female Singaporean teenager. Instead of studying the sciences, I chose to study the humanities ï something that many people in Singapore still consider to be "a dumping ground". I watch soccer, love Shakespeare and detest shopping. In addition, I am of mixed heritage. Many a time, I often found myself in situations where I felt left out. Yet, the very act of moulding myself into someone else is almost tantamount to betrayal. Thus, I felt a connection with Nica when I read A Fistful Of Colours. Her refusal to succumb to society's expectations made me see a little of myself in her.
However, some may argue that I may be different just for the sake of standing out. This led me to question my beliefs ïAm I really staying true to myself or merely being rebellious? Individualism is not necessarily negative and yet too much of it can turn one into a self-centred and egotistical person. As I delved deeper into my thoughts, I became more at ease with myself. I made sure that my values are what I sincerely believe in. Like Nica, I realized that one does not always have to belong. Although it can make one feel at home, not belonging can give one the freedom to truly establish who you are. Without conforming to fit society's ideals and expectations of you, the world truly becomes your oyster.
I am no longer uncomfortable with my differences and I see them as a unique aspect of my identity. Although I am still on the long journey of truly understanding myself, I feel as if I have indeed moved a step closer to my final destination. I know that Nica will always be a reminder for me to never lose sight of who I truly am.
I can now confidently answer my question: Do I really need to belong?
No, I do not.
Thanks for reading my long essay!
Hey! Anybody can help me pls? Moderators? Anyone?
What's the prompt for this essay? I'm guessing, describe a character in fiction and its influence on you?
Here are a few mistakes I've noticed:
As a Singaporean of Chinese and Indian heritage, she is often questioned about her identity.
Before I read the novel, I kept contemplating over(i'm not sure if you have to use over, i think it should just be contemplating the question. but i'm not really sure.) the same question - Where do I belong?
Many a time , I oftenfoundfind myself in situations where I feltfeel left out. isn't it redundant to say many a time and often?
Anyhow, i really like your essay. i don't think it's too long, unless there's a word limit. good luck! :) and please comment on my essay too!
Hi Elena! Sorry forgot to state the prompt clearly. Yup it's to describe a character in fiction and its influence on me. =) The word limit is 500 (common app essay) but I think that cutting it might make me lose some substance so I decided to just leave it.
Thanks for the help on my grammar! I would not have ever seen those mistakes!
How many words is your essay?? I have the exact same problem as u...my commonapp essay is over a 1000 words...Anyway, coming back to your essay, i think Elena took care of all the grammatical mistakes so there's no point going over them again...I did like the characters you introduced and how u related to "Nica"...it had a very genuine feel to it and the introspection bit at the end tied it all up together to form a really good essay...GOOD JOB AND GOOD LUCK
Please Look Over Amherst Supplement
Hi maroon5, my essay has like over 600 words. I decided not to cut it... It is only about 1pg and slightly over so it doesn't look that long so hopefully no one notices!
I read your essay and really liked it! You're a talented writer!
I do agree with the changed that helterskelter made. This is a very interesting essay and I enjoyed reading it. You are extremely talented and have a great imagination. Overall, your grammar looks fine and I do not think it is too long. You give enough details for the reader to understand without saying too much. Good job!
