Hi, i would grately apreciate if anyone could edit this essay, and can you help me with my conclusion, it seems to be weak, i know its quite long, and i'm sorry but plz help
"The women of Afghanistan have endured quite a lot of adversity and suffering by the hands of men. The women have faced sexism, spousal abuse, and even death because of little things like having their ankles exposed and seen by another man. In A Thousand Splendid Suns Refer to your citation style to see how this title should be formatted; some styles require the title be in quotation marks, others that it be italicized. by Khaled Hosseini, women are depicted quite accurately and Change to "as well as" their struggles. The book shows the struggles of 2 Spell this out: "two" young Afghan women, Laila and Mariam, in war riddled Afghanistan. Both women are years apart in the book by age, but are forced to marry an older man, Rasheed, who they don't know. The women learn to co-exist as they endure Rasheed's mental and physical abuse. That's the story of many women in Afghanistan, who live the life portrayed in A Thousand Splendid Suns See my earlier note. The women in Afghanistan have to face marriages, poor education and restrictions brought on by the Taliban, all which are talked about in A Thousand Splendid Suns See my earlier note. These Afghan women deal with punishment on a daily basis, a sad and a tough life they live.
Marriage is the voluntary union of two people, who choose to be together and nobody else for the rest of their lives. In the case of the Afghan women, they deal with forced under-age marriages. Some Afghan women have been wed off at a very early age, some at the age of thirteen to men much older then them. Although the legal age for marriage in Afghanistan is sixteen for females and eighteen for males, many people, particularly in rural areas, either ignore the law or claim they are not aware of it. "According to the Women's Ministry and Women's NGOs, approximately 57 percent of Afghan girls get married before the age of 16." These marriages affect young girls badly in many ways. It blocks them from an education and causes pregnancy." Afghanistan has the world's second worst rate of maternal death during childbirth. About 16 out of every 100 women die giving birth." (state.gov) Childbirth before they have reached physical maturity at such a young age can lead to serious physical trauma, psychological disturbance, and sometimes lifelong physical and/or emotional inability. At such a young age these women are being wed off and it's obvious these women are being forced to marry, since they are too young and uneducated to make such huge decisions. "The Afghan Independent Human Rights Commission (AIHRC) estimates that up to 80 percent of all marriages in Afghanistan are conducted without the consent of the parties involved." (afghan-web.com) The practice of forced marriages is carried out for many different reasons, including giving a girl in marriage as repayment for a debt, to resolve a feud, or even to just get rid of her. Many Afghan families determine whom a daughter should marry without her consent. It's not bad enough these women are too young and forced to marry older men, some of the women must deal with their men marrying other younger women. Islam allows men to have up to four wives as long as they can treat them equally. This rule lets men marry younger women when their first wives get too old, say thirty. This is quite awful and very devastating to a woman who has devoted all her life to her husband to end up playing second fiddle to some 13 to 16 year old girl. It's a sad case for these women, they must devote their entire lives to a man they were forced to marry without even accomplishing a goal or a dream.
The women in the book, Mariam and Laila are both married off at a very young age to the same man, who is twice their age. In Mariam's case, she was a burden to her family and so they just took the first offer for her. "Rasheed is here, in Heart; he has come all the way from Kabul. The nikka will be tomorrow morning, and then there is a bus leaving for Kabul at noon" (Hosseini 45). Mariam was not even consulted in whether she wanted to marry Rasheed, let alone she had never seen or met him before. She was forced to marry at the age of 15. The other woman in the book, Laila, had no choice but to marry Rasheed. Laila has no body One word: "nobody" left to take care for her; all her friends and family had died or moved because of war. She had to think of her baby and to avoid the stigma of being an unwed mother; Laila agreed to marry Rasheed, who was eager to have a young and attractive second wife. "I am too old. Too old for you to do this to me. For you after all these years, to make me an ambagh" (Hosseini 192). This was heart breaking One word: "heartbreaking" for Mariam, for her husband to marry another woman, after she had spent her youth trying to be a good wife to him. "I wouldn't have fed you and washed you and nursed you if I'd known you were going to turn around and steal my husband" (Hosseini 202). Mariam feels Laila is stealing her husband; she is upset and jealous of the new bride. Rasheed went as far as selling of his first wedding ring for a new and more expensive ring for Laila.
A Thousand Splendid Suns shows the reality most women face when they have to get married. Most women in Afghanistan are forced to marry men at a very young age. Remove this sentence, as you have repeated it many times; it is redundant. The girls are a financial burden to their families, just like Mariam. Mariam was a burden to Jalil and so he arranged for her to get married. Laila on the other hand seemed to have a bright future in front of her but war had taken away her family, so she had no choice but to marry Rasheed. Many Afghan women end up marrying older men because they cannot support themselves because of all the Taliban restrictions. As well the women face younger girls marrying their husbands, which can be very heart breaking One word: "heartbreaking" to a woman. Mariam was devastated by Rasheed who married Laila. Khaled Hosseini's interpretation of marriage in the book was very accurate, he showed marriage of women that were forced when they were young and expressed the view of the first wife, whose husband marries another woman. A touching yet true story of many women in Afghanistan.
All children deserve to learn and go to school but in Afghanistan, girls have been forced to abandon their education because of marriage. If these girls were given a chance to learn instead of becoming wives, then women might finally be able to rise up. "According to Mrs. Habiba, the second grade teacher, and Mrs. Q'rmrun, the principal, over two-thirds of the nine-year-old girls sitting on the stone floor in a classroom an hour from Tora Bora were either already married or soon to become wives" (americamagazine.org). At such a young age, these girls haven't even learned math or know anything about sex but are already married. Education for girls under the Taliban went from bad to worse. The Taliban focused solely on studies for boys and denied nearly all girls the right to attend school. During the Taliban's rule, "only about 3 per cent of girls received some form of primary education". When the Taliban fell in late 2001, Afghan women had a better future to look upon because change was around the corner. "The Ministry of Education reporting that 5.2 million students were enrolled in grades one through twelve in 2005. This includes an estimated 1.82-1.95 million girls and women. An additional 55,500-57,000 people, including 4,000-5,000 girls and women, were enrolled in vocational, Islamic, and teacher education programs, and 1.24 million people were enrolled in non-formal education programs". Despite numerous positive steps forward in education for Afghan women and girls, violent attacks on schools by resurgent Taliban and other forces continue to force some schools to close. "The Feminist Majority Foundation has reported over 30 attacks on girl's schools since the fall of the Taliban". The women continue to move forward in Afghanistan and hope for a change despite the efforts by others to stop the movement.
The book shows two stories about education that most women in Afghanistan go through. It is shown that Mariam was born to a poor background and was raised up by a bitter mother named Nana. Nana didn't let Mariam do anything because she was worried that she would lose her. "What's the sense schooling a girl like you? It's like shining a spittoon. And you'll learn nothing of value in those schools" (Hosseini 17). Mariam wanted to learn but Nana refused to give her an education thus when Nana died, Mariam had no choice but to marry Rasheed. Laila on the other hand had a fairly normal background and an encouraging father. "I know you're still young, but I want you to understand and learn this now. Marriage can wait, education cannot. You're a very, very bright girl" (Hosseini 103). Laila's father believed in her and allowed her to continue her education, which allowed Laila to gain the confidence and mentality to stand up to her future husband, Rasheed. "It's a good time to be a woman in Afghanistan. And you can take advantage of that Laila" (Hosseini 121). This shows that women in general were evolving in Afghanistan and with education they'd finally rise, but sadly the Taliban ruined all that. After the death of Laila's parents, she had no choice but to get married, leaving behind her bright future. If it wasn't for war Laila could have gone on to do big things for Afghanistan.
A Thousand Splendid Suns See my earlier note. relates its story to the real life facts of Afghanistan. The education system for most women in Afghanistan in the 1960s was really poor; the less fortunate girls didn't even go to school just like Mariam. Mariam's mother didn't want her daughter to go to school thus Mariam grew up to be an illiterate woman that had no choice but to become a slave for her husband. Laila was a bright girl that could have had a future doing something amazing, but ended up having to marry an old man to support herself. Then the Taliban take over caused a huge gap in the education for women, which Hosseini showed in the book by showing You just used "showed" only a few words prior; how about using a synonym such as "illustrating" the comparison of Aziza and Zalmai, by demonstrating how boys had it better under Taliban rule. Hosseini is quite accurate with his information about the education in Afghanistan and ingrates it relatively well into the book.
The restrictions on Afghan women by the Taliban was horrible; they were treated like animals. Prior to the rise of the Taliban, women in Afghanistan were protected under law and increasing rights in Afghan society. Women received the right to vote in the 1920s and in the 1960s, the Afghan constitution provided equality for women. There was a mood of tolerance and openness as the country began moving toward democracy. "It is estimated that by the early 1990s, 70% of schoolteachers, 50% of government workers and university students, and 40% of doctors in Kabul were women". That all soon changed when the Taliban took over, they forced all women to quit their jobs and made a law that no woman was Change to "women were" allowed to work except for a few female doctors. The Taliban first became prominent in 1994 and took over the Afghan capital, Kabul, in 1996. Some hoped that the Taliban would provide stability to the country. However, the Taliban soon imposed a strict and oppressive order. The Taliban went on to impose laws against women like, no woman was aloud "allowed" to leave home without a male escort, a ban was imposed on women from being treated by male doctors, and whipping of women in public was instituted as a punishment for having non-covered How about "exposed" ankles. The Taliban brutally enforced a dress code that required all women to be covered under a burqa. The fate of women in Afghanistan isStay in the same tense; "was"intolerable; even world leaders were appalled by the acts of the Taliban. "The burqa that imprisons them is a cloth prison, but it is above all a moral prison. The torture imposed on little girls who dare to show their ankles or their polished nails is appalling. It is unacceptable and insupportable", said King Mohammed VI of Morocco. There were stories of women being beaten for little things; "One woman who was caught with an unrelated man in the street was publicly flogged with 100 lashes, in a stadium full of people. She was lucky. If she had been married, and found with an unrelated male, the punishment would have been death by stoning" . Such a brutal punishment, for something so insignificant, that's In academics, do not use contractions; write the words out: "that is" just horrible. The Taliban laws weren't all against women; some were imposed on everyone, like the banning of music and the banning of television. The reign of Taliban in Afghanistan was a dark time for both women and men; but in 2001, after the 9/11 attacks, the Taliban were taken down and a better future for Afghanistan was born.
The Taliban take over was a huge step back for Afghanistan and its blossoming age for women. At first, it was believed the Taliban were saviors for the Afghan people, a lot of people assumed they would solve the problem, people like Rasheed, "Let them come, I, for one, will shower them with rose petals" (Hosseini 245). The people had no idea what the Taliban were doing; they fully supported it, till "until" they started to impose laws. Most of these laws were geared towards women. "You will stay inside your homes at all times. It is not proper for women to wander aimlessly about the streets. If you go outside, you must be accompanied by a mahram, a male relative. If you are caught alone on the street, you will be beaten and sent home" (Hosseini 248). This law basically treats women like dogs and like dogs, women are allowed to leave home for a walk with a male escort. Laila was beaten up by the Taliban every week when she would go see Aziza at the orphanage because Rasheed wouldn't take her. "Mariam had heart the announcement, in January of that year that men and women would be seen in different hospitals, that all female would be discharged from Kabul's hospitals and sent to work in one central faculty" (Hosseini 254). The Taliban went as far as forcing women to one central hospital with limited doctors and supplies, which made child birth for many women to be a nightmare. Laila suffered an awful child birth environment; she had to get a c-section without any drugs. The Taliban ways were cruel and down right unfair to women which led to the death of many women. Sadly, Mariam was killed by the Taliban by stoning because of what she did to Rasheed. She deserved a fair trial, but sadly under Taliban law, if a woman does something to her husband, then she must be killed by stones.
A Thousand Splendid Suns See my earlier note. showed the restrictions women faced in Afghanistan under the Taliban. Khaled Hosseini points out the struggles women faced by having Laila and Mariam experience the laws of the Taliban. Laila had to give child birth is "in" a very crowded hospital which had little staff. A true scenario for women, who had to give birth in cramped and poor areas. Many women and babies died during births under the Taliban. Just like in the book, many women were beaten for not being accompanied by men. Laila was weekly beaten when she tried to go see her daughter Aziza, but in real life Afghanistan, a woman would have been killed by then. There was a story of a woman who had a sick daughter and no men at home to accompany her. The woman decided to take her daughter to the hospital to save her life. The women was shot and killed by the Taliban. Where is your source for this? Khaled Hosseini did a great job with the authenticity of the restrictions but he might have been more lenient for his characters to stay alive.
Women have had a rough time in Afghanistan and Khaled Hosseini's A Thousand Splendid Suns See my earlier note. shows the struggles women had to go through in marriage, education, and the restrictions imposed by the Taliban. Khaled Hosseini did his research when he was making this book. The attention to detail is quite impressive; he created a story that was well thought out and had characters that were very memorable. The women were treated like animals in Afghanistan and Khaled Hosseini's interpretation represents a vividly accurate portrayal. Hopefully this book will bring more understanding of women in Afghanistan from the western society."
Good morning.
It is difficult for me to edit an essay of this length without proper citations; for instance, I do not want to have to worry about whether or not I am correcting a direct quote (because those need to stay exactly as you found them in the text). Once those citations are intact, I can edit for mechanics and grammar; you don't need to re-post the entire essay, just edit the previous one with the citations. What type of reference style are you required to use? This is of importance in regards to the format of your in-text citations.
In regards to the requirements your teacher has set forth, I do not see any contrasting elements in the paragraphs; you have supported your observations with excerpts from the text, but you have not contrasted it with anything else; you detail how the author illustrates real life scenarios, but there is no contrast. If your teacher only requires one element, that is OK; but, if he/she requires both, make sure you are including that contrasting element. Also, you make reference to many "real life" situations; make sure if you are taking those situations from other authors, that you are correctly citing those as well; if they are from first hand knowledge (i.e. experiences you have gone through) you need to indicate that as well.
As far as the conclusion, perhaps you could not spend so much time giving your opinion of the work, but instead use the time to give a quick summary of what made this text valuable. For instance, you write, "Women have had a rough time in Afghanistan and Khaled Hosseini's A Thousand Splendid Suns shows the struggles women had to go through in Marriage, Education, and the restrictions imposed by the Taliban ... The women were treated like animals in Afghanistan and Khaled Hosseini's interpretation represents a vividly accurate portrayal." Keep that and expand upon it; leave off your opinion of the text, as it does not seem that your instructor is interested in an opinion piece. Expand upon the specific situations you have noted earlier that illustrate how they were treated and how you compared it to real life. A conclusion tells us what you have already told us; make sure that what you are telling us is what your instructor is asking for.
Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
