Hi, I am trying to write an essay about the issues of inequality and education systems of Women in Afghanistan. Since I'm in like an ESL level I was just wondering if people could correct grammars and suggest ideas for the ending.. And also tell me if the flow of the essay is congruent..(It's not finished)
Here is my essay..
Women's rights have diminished in the society of Taliban authority; they are banned to laugh loudly, to play sports, to even talk or shake hands with non-mahram males, and most importantly to study in schools or any other educational institution. In this novel, A Thousand Splendid Suns, Khaled Hosseni tells the lives of Mariam and Laila, presenting the heartbreaking reality of women in Afghanistan. Their story portrays some of the major issues in low developed countries such as: inequality, poor education systems, and child marriage.
Based on the Muslim culture, women in Afghanistan have barely any power over their marriage and career. Nana is a prime example of this situation where she is arranged to marry a boy from Shindad, a young parakeet seller, when she is fifteen. A week before the wedding date, she has a seizure which is described to be a jinn, an evil spirit, where her suitor's family immediately cancel the wedding. The suitor's family shows a typical example of Afghani men finding wives who are healthy for only fertility reasons. However, when put in the opposite situation of the gender, the wife must live with such burden. As Nana says, "A man's accusing finger always finds a woman." she is accused of forcing herself on Jalil when in a mutual relationship. Nana's life undergoes unfortunate incidents with Jalil, thus leading to her suicide.
Alas, the attitude that the women have towards these situations is unbelievably obedient. The reaction of the issue seems to be, no reaction. The suicide of her mother leads Mariam to a big shift as Mariam is forced to marry a forty year old man, Rasheed in Kabul. Mariam obeys Jalil and Rasheed's requests as if it were narrated in a book that her life should be followed in such a way. In Laila's case, when Rasheed enters her room in the first night of their intercourse, the intricate detail "She felt his eyes crawling all over her" shows the tragic and horror she goes through. Even though the title of their relationship appears to be husband and wife, the details represent nothing other than a marital rape. Thus both Mariam and Nana are almost completely absent from the public world by living a life based on the decisions of the men around them.
This portrays the poor education system the country has provided in Afghanistan. The education system for most women in Afghanistan in the 1960s was really poor; the less fortunate girls didn't even go to school just like Mariam. The only qualities Mariam learns are the basics of survival and enduring. Since her mother, Nana, has no previous education, she guides Mariam to have no education as well. Nana's greed holds back Mariam and for Mariam, this means that she would never have a chance to come out of her destitute situation in the future. By showing the comparison of Aziza and Zalmai, readers can see the better treatment boys receive in terms of education. While Zalmai is off with Rasheed to learn in a proper school Aziza is sent off to an orphanage. The lack of education produces many problems for these girls and one of them being child marriage.
Both Laila and Mariam is married at the age of around sixteen. As it is a typical age to marry, it causes many problems such as insecure sexual intercourses and miscarriages. Mariam is impregnated at the age of sixteen with Rasheed's baby. However, as described in chapter thirteen, "Then there was blood and she was screaming." Mariam's baby dies in her womb causing blood to flow down the hamam bathhouse. As dreadful as the scene seems, many is the case of girls in Afghanistan. Because of so many teenage mothers, the risk of sexual diseases and infant mortality is increased in their society. Hence, Mariam's incident adds on to the importance of education to know and understand the right age to marry.
Moreover, proper education for men is equally very important. As a dominant leader in the family of Muslim culture, fathers must have had proper education to support their daughters and sons to take the same path. In most cases of properly educated men, like Laila's father, Babi, and Mullah Faizulah, knows how education can change women to lead to a better country. Babi who is a university-euducated man, has also been a high school teacher. Babi makes it clear to Laila from a young age that the most important thing in his life, after her safety, is her schooling. He says that "Marriage can wait, education cannot. Because a society has no chance of success if its women are uneducated." and ensures Laila of the significance. On the other hand, people like Jalil, and Rasheed have no understanding of the significance underneath education for women. Most likely, they would have had no such education on the influence of women in the development of their country. While men like Babi exists, majority of the Afghani culture does not allow such exploration for women. Thus it is crucial for men to equally learn proper information of having equal rights with women.
Although majority of Taliban ruling has suppressed women in Afghanistan, Laila's ending of opening a teaching institute gives hopeful insights for the future. It gives a view of how by learning only a little, girls can grow up like Laila, and have the courage to come back and help future generations including boys, to understand the situation.
...they are forbidden to laugh loudly, play sports, to even talk or shake hands with ...
Use commas:
... the intricate detail, "She felt his eyes crawling all over her," shows the tragedy and horror ...
Is this supposed to be capitalized?
Mariam's baby dies in her womb causing blood to flow down the hamam bathhouse.
Hence, Mariam's incident adds on to demonstrates the importance of education to know and understand the right age to marry.
This will get an A for sure!
:-)
