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Topic Choice: "Death of a Salesman" essay


azny123 1 / -  
Nov 13, 2012   #1
Hi I am unsure about this essay and feels like there are a lot of grammatical errors. I feel like there are a lot of errors which I cant see myself. I just feel insecure about it. Anyone mind helping me out please?

The American Dream is to have the perfect job, a family, a house and all the luxuries in life. However many have realized that the dream was unattainable. For one to achieve this goal, one would have to put all their effort to get the results. For many, they would gave it a try, but to no avail, many failed with a few succeeding. The failure of the American Dream can be portrayed in the literary works of Arthur Miller and Langston Hughes on the "Roles of Modernity." Their works, "Let America be America" and the "Death of the Salesman" articulately explains the ways of modern society in America through literary elements such as symbolism and irony.

In the book The Death of a Salesman, the Modern Tragic Hero lives in a society which heavily oppresses its people. Arthur Miller, offer examples like the heavy suitcase to symbolize the hardships to attaining the American Dream. "Willy Loman, the salesman, enters, carrying two large sample cases. He unlocks the door, comes the kitchen, and thankfully lets his burden down, feeling the soreness of his palms."(I,12). The irony illustrated in the book "Death of a Salesman" was portrayed in a scene where death played a pertinent role. Willy, the protagonist, believed that when he died many people would show up at his funeral. On the contrary, his family were the only ones in attendance; this disastrous turnout mocked his suicide. Willy's belief of the American Dream came only to fall apart with modern society pushing him to his max.
Martin80 - / 4  
Nov 15, 2012   #2
Hi there. You do have serious grammatical issues here. It seems that your tenses are jumbled and flit between past, present and future, often in the same sentance so read through it again with this in mind. Further, your structure is weak; it reads like a ramble rather than a journey from one point to another. Consider making your thesis much clearer and then structuring your essay around this thesis.

If you really are stuck (and you sound like you are), I would recommend investing $3 on Amazon and download:
Horton-Eddison "Study Skills, Essay Writing for University: The Essential Guide for Writing First Class Essays in Under 24Hours" to your PC, iPhone or Kindle.

It really does exactly what it says on the tin.
I would also say that you are using words like 'one' as you perhaps think that this helps your essay sound more 'formal' or 'academic', sadly it reads clumsily and you should look into appropriate style more thoroughly. Again, grab the book above for in-depth notes on this, but generally you need to adopt the style that prominent writers in your discipline most commonly use. 'One' is for personal letters, formal conversations and not for academic writing.

Best of luck!
Kirk G 1 / 4  
Nov 20, 2012   #3
azny123

Hi, I will try to give you some specific examples of what Martin80 is talking about. The first sentence is in the present tense - "The American Dream is ..." The second sentence flips to past tense "the dream was unattainable". I would suggest sticking with the present tense.

Regarding using "one". Sometimes using voice correctly without using the first person "I" or second person "you" is tricky. I would suggest instead of using "one" in the third sentence (1st instance) try "someone" or "a person". Or, since you are talking about the American Dream, maybe say "an American". Then "he or she" (or just one or the other) instead of the 2nd instance of "one".

I'm not sure if you've done it or not, but please don't forget to run spell and grammar check on whatever word program you're using. It won't catch everything, but it will clean up some of the more obvious errors.


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