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"Waiting for Love" by Cheryl Albury


shizufreak 1 / -  
Aug 29, 2013   #1
I just moved in here from a foreign country so i dont know if my essay is good enough since this is not required in our country and I really suck at writing essays. Let me know if there grammatical errors or wrong use of conjunctions or notes to help me improve my essay. Please help.

Waiting for Love
In the story "Waiting for Love", Cheryl Albury proves that looks can be deceiving through her portrayal of Stafford Mcphee's character, handsome and clever policeman who broke innocent Phyllis' heart. Phyllis, the protagonist, believed what Stafford Mcphee only shows to her. She never doubted him nor tried to look further inside of him. She only loved his façade and not his true whole self; therefore, ended up miserable and broken-hearted.

The first time I read the story "Waiting for Love"; I thought Stafford Mcphee is an ideal man. He is handsome, clever, and a fine gentleman so I never expected nor accepted that he broke Phyllis' heart on purpose but when I reread it, I realized something off with Stafford's character.

On their first date, Stafford Mcphee brought Phyllis on a funeral procession. Why funeral procession? It seems wrong for a first date. If I were Stafford, I would've brought Phyllis on a more romantic place with beautiful sceneries like at the beach while watching the sunset. The funeral procession can be at their other dates. After eight months of dating, Stafford Mcphee proposed. We all know that eight months is a short time. It seems too early for him to propose because it hasn't been a year since they knew each other. Also, the proposal is not romantic as well. When the wedding is near, Stafford told Phyllis that they should start their life in a foreign country although Stafford knew that Phyllis would dislike it. After that, he became more attentive towards Phyllis until one night after their date, Phyllis gave herself to him. Stafford told Phyllis that they should elope. By then, Phyllis should've known that something was wrong but still reluctantly accepted her lover's request with a smile. They only met once before their flight. Then Stafford never showed up at the day of their departure.

Phyllis, frustrated and miserable, still waited for her lover despite realizing that waiting would be in vain. Due to shock of Stafford's betrayal, Phyllis has become psychologically incapable. Indeed, Stafford was to blame for Phyllis' current condition but Phyllis has done wrong too. She blindly believed Stafford because her happiness brought by him. She never doubted thus she never learned Stafford's true colors. She believed his façade and never tried to look what's inside. For me, being skeptical with people is not a bad thing. It is, in fact, helping you know people better just like fights help a relationship grow stronger. You should doubt people and question them so you would see what's really inside their hearts then accept their true whole self.
fwan17 3 / 11 1  
Sep 1, 2013   #2
First off, as far as I know, this type of essay should be written in the present tense. I noticed you switched between them a lot eg: "When the wedding is near, Stafford told Phyllis..." It is advisable to stick to one tense throughout the essay.

Also, the topic and subject of the essay would help a lot. If it's a literature essay, then you should include more quotes from the book, and you shouldn't include the things you would do instead of the characters. If it's an English essay, then the style should be OK. However, even with an English essay, it's better to write something like: "Bringing Phyllis to a more romantic place would have been more appropriate for a first date." instead of "If I were Stafford, I would've brought Phyllis to a more romantic place..."

In this essay, you're trying to show how Stafford's looks deceived Phyllis, right? In that case, I think it would be better if you mentioned what Phyllis thought of him instead of what you thought of him ("The first time I read the story "Waiting for Love"; I thought Stafford Mcphee is an ideal man."). If those are Phyllis's opinions of him, then you should show that they are hers and not yours.

Finally, is there anything else that is shady about him that is mentioned in the story? Does the story mention his reason for breaking Phyllis' heart? Is there anything else of importance that the book mentions about Stafford? If it does, then you should include that in your essay - it would make it much richer.


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