Hey guys! So the topic I chose to write about was:
"Tell us about a book, artwork, or lab experiment that changed the way you see the world. What was it about the work that affected you? How did your world become different? (500 words or less)"
I chose to write about a book that affected but im at 655 words so I need shortening and review of my content and wordiness.. I think it seems I am babbling in it a bit.
The deadline is after tomorrow and I'm hoping to submit tonight! PLEASE HELP!
I need as much criticism as possible!
"White Oleander," by Janet Fitch is a book that viciously grabs my mind and emotions and plays with both my intellectual and emotional comfort. It is a heartbreaking story of a young, twelve year old girl, who is taken away from her mother whom she is deeply attached to and placed in a series of abusive and harsh foster homes. This is because her mother is sent to a life-sentence in prison for first-degree murder of her boyfriend. Having grown up in a loving, caring household, I cannot imagine having to endure the suffering the main character, Astrid, did. Throughout her foster homes, she was forced into child labor, starved, and even shot at with a gun by one of her foster mothers. Also, she had lost the most precious blessing one could have in one's young life, the warmth and affection of a caring parent. She grew up missing such a vital factor that greatly influences and shapes a young teenager's life.
The novel's gripping and tragic story has ironically changed the way I see the world to the better. Instead of seeing the ugliness life sometimes forces upon people, I have been revealed the beauty that exists when a truly caring family is present. My parents made certain that I know they would turn the world upside down for me if they had to. They always made sure I was taken care of and always pushed me to reach my full potential in anything I strived to achieve. After reading this story, I grasped that I honestly have a fully supportive family who cares for me. The harshness of the young teenage life of this story has made me feel indescribable gratitude towards my family for bringing me up healthily and lovingly. To imagine suffering the horrors of Astrid sends disturbing chills up my spine.
This piece work has changed my world by opening my eyes to the true harshness that exists in homes, whether noticeable or not. Before I read the book, I could have been overdramatic and reacted theatrically to what now seems as silly happenings and consider myself to have a difficult life. Although I know my life is not perfect, I now regard my family and home life as the life I would chose to live over any other. The thankfulness this book has rooted in me has forever changed my life. Whenever I find myself in a difficult situation, I know that I have a family who loves me and will support me through anything, regardless of what it is. I realize now that this is a blessing that others may lack.
Reading this story has led me to the self-discovery that I am a lucky person. Everything I have gone through in my young life and everything that I have yet to experience is influenced greatly by the devoted family and warm background I come from. This background formed my personality, my way of thinking, and my approach at life. I have become the person I am by growing up in my family and in the surroundings they have created for me. I am ambitiously ready to start my life and this is accountable to my family.
Overall, it is the tragedy this story depicts in so many ways that makes me grateful that my lifestyle is sincerely loving and understanding. The emotional isolation Astrid had to suffer made me grateful for the company I am blessed with. The torture and abuse that Astrid had to endure made me grateful for the regular affection I received from my parents and siblings. The constant changing of surroundings and atmospheres made me grateful for the emotional and psychological stability I have been provided. The misfortune of this character makes me realize that I am lucky to be capable of feeling certain sentiments that others cannot. This story has opened my eyes to the beauty and value my life contains.
I think you will grab your reader's attention by a slightly more personal start.Maybe talk about an instance from your childhood and then talk about coming across the book for the first time.You need more essence in this essay : After I finished reading this I got the impression that you realised that you are a lucky person.I think you need to add some depth.Compare how the main characters life is different from you,how that book did lead you to appreciate the loving supporting enviroment that was around you,but donot stop here.How will you use that adavantage? This the question that you leave the reader wondering?An example would be trying to reach out towards bullies who seemed to come from abusive families.Or maybe a time where you give your love and compassion without waiting for anything in return.You need to show colleges how you change,and what you-in turn-will change in the world around you. I think you should create an outline and write all the ideas you think about ,and the examples that support your ideas.Start with a brief but personal introducation, then dive deep to the way you were absorbed by the book, and by the difference between your life and that of the girl.Then talk about the change and use examples.
