Hi guys, please give me some advice on the following abstract, I am not so sure if there're still some misused sentences. Thank you!
Relationship Among Leadership Style, Organizational Culture and Job Satisfaction Analysis
- A Case Study of Internal Marketing on Elementary School Teachers in XXX County
The phenomenon of declining birth rates in (xxx) is one of the most unsettling issues in recent years, which has caused severe problems such as staffing above quota, layoffs, even school closings could be at stake. It is vital to note that schools should make a difference based on social currents if they want to survive in this wave of declining birth rates.
By using the concept of internal marketing and the medium of organizational culture, school leaders improve teachers' job satisfaction, broaden students' learning resources and enhance their learning effectiveness.
This study adopts a questionnaire method and the subjects of the questionnaire are 75 elementary schools in xxx County, Stratified Random Sampling is applied to analyse the collected data. Of 420 questionnaires distributed, 329 were collected, among which 263 were valid, 66 were invalid and eliminated, with the recovery rate of 78.03%.
Based on the statistic findings, conclusions are as follows:
1.Teachers aged 30 to 40 tend to have more enthusiasm for work as facing the principal with transformational, charismatic leadership.
2.Teachers with a master's degree achieve self-fulfilment much easier under the reasonable requests award system held by transactional leaders.
3.Teachers with job tenure under 20 years can be well cooperated with the school's developing progress and the curriculum mapping.
4.Principals in charge of under 6 classes would have much interaction with workers if with the style of transactional leadership.
5.Teachers with administrative duties have much higher job satisfactions with principals with transactional leadership.
6.Substitute teachers have higher job satisfaction with innovative, supportive organizational culture.
7.Teachers with a master's degree have higher job satisfaction with innovative, supportive organizational culture.
8.Teachers with administrative duties react differently to innovative and bureaucratic organizational culture.
9.With job tenure from 10 to 15 years, teachers with administrative duties are working in standardized procedures gradually, whose attitudes towards work are much prudent.
10.Teachers those who have a master's degree or with no experience in administrative duties or those who have more than 15-year tenure of administrative works have higher job satisfaction.
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The idea presentation is clear. However, the sentence formats have several problems in the given abstract. You need to edit the content to be more grammatically correct prior to your presentation. I believe that you need professional editing help for this paper. However, I can give you a shove in the right direction, just in case you want to do the revisions yourself. I won't be doing all of it, I'll only be pointing out a few points for correction.
In your first paragraph, don't take so long to get to the point. Remember, this is an abstract, it is a summary of the relevant information you are dealing with in the actual report. So you can remove the reference to layoffs, over staffing and other non-essential references. Focus immediately on the discussion about potential school closures due to the low birth rate. Try to explain why this decline is problematic for schools. Don't just call it an unsettling issue, be clear about why the reader should be concerned about it. This is the summary of your thesis statement, so make sure the thesis statement is properly represented in it.
The second paragraph does not feel complete. It is as if you only wrote an introduction to the topic you really wanted to discuss. You may want to rethink that presentation to add more clarity to it.
The study is not based on "statistic findings" but rather "statistical findings". Use accurate word references to give more clarity to your information presentation. You should also consider placing a conclusion type of paragraph at the end of the abstract. It should not end on the last reference related to your topic listings.