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Application Essay: personal information which may include exceptional hardships, challenges, etc.

dgalindo 1 / -  
Nov 9, 2015   #1
There may be personal information you want considered as part of your admissions application. Write an essay describing that information. You might include exceptional hardships, challenges, or opportunities that have shaped or impacted your abilities or academic credentials, personal responsibilities, exceptional achievements or talents, educational goals, or ways in which you might contribute to an institution committed to creating a diverse learning environment.

I usually don't have trouble starting an essay, but i can't put my ideas together for this one. Please help! I'll list everything I plan to use for this paper.

-my mom motivates me to get my education
-i want to become a registered nurse
-ive faced challenges that have discouraged me (difficult science courses... but i manage to get A's), but seeing my mom; she has two jobs, substituting and working at deli

--she leaves at 7am, comes home to change into her walmart uniform and comes back at 11pm
-i want to get my degree and get a job and try to give back to my parents as much as they have given me

Oh, I am a sophomore in college and I'm transferring to UTSA.
Thank you in advance!

vangiespen - / 4,151 1449  
Nov 9, 2015   #2
Hi Dani, I think I can help you out with some starting statements for your essay. I'll do it in paragraph form to better guide you.

Par. 1:
Some people who develop an interest in nursing say they do so because they were exposed to the world of nursing care at some point in their lives. In my case, I want to become a registered nurse because of my mother, who has motivated me to get an education all my life...

Par. 2:
My mother has done her best to inspire me to never quit on my education regardless of the discouraging challenges that I faced... It is her inspiration that has convinced me that if I am to improve myself, then I need to transfer from UTSA to XXX. This is the university where my future lies.

Par. 3:
I knew that I could not quit. Not only would my mother not allow me to become a quitter, but I saw how much sacrifice she was making just to make sure that I got the chances in life she never did...\

That is why completing a degree in Nursing is important to me. I would like to get a job as an RN and then give back to my supportive mother...

I hope that my suggestions can get you off to a good start in developing your application essay :-) Don't hesitate to let me know if you have any questions or if there are other things I can help you with ;-)
justivy03 - / 2,377 607  
Nov 11, 2015   #3
Dani, I agree with Louisa, you pretty much have an idea of what to write already, all you have to do is formulate the introduction, like how it will sound structure wise and with a good flow towards the body of the letter that will elaborate the purpose of your essay.

Your dedication to working hard and achieving goals with your moms motivation may sound very common, however, the difference lies on how you will illustrate this in your writing.Remember to write objectively, as much personal as you want to write your essay, it's fine so long as you keep the mainstream of your essay to it's purpose.

Lastly, since part of this prompt asks you to write about your contribution to the diverse community you are about to be part of, cite examples of activities you did in the previous institution or the community you belong and incorporate it in UTSA's practice, culture and standards. Having said that, keep a balanced approach on your writing in order to establish your credibility and capability as a student more so as a great addition to UTSA.

I hope to see your essay here on EF so we can assist you further.

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