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Being a celebrity - Question about topic analysis for IELTS task 2.


vuthuylinh2611 19 / 61 1  
Apr 29, 2020   #1

advantages / disadvantages essay



I everyone, this question was asked in one of my previous thread. This is my question in more detail.

I attempted to write an essay about the following topic from the book Cambridge IELTS 09:"Being a celebrity - such as a famous film star or sports personality - brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?"

At first, I am not sure if this is an opinion essay or dis/advantage essay so I referred to the writing sample provided in the same book. It provides an essay that scored 6 and the evaluation of the examiner as in the attached image. I noted that the evaluation said: "This answer addresses all part of the task, though the disadvantages of fame are covered more fully than the advantages." From that comment, I understood that this is an advantages/ disadvantages essay and I am supposed to fully cover both advantages and disadvantages and give my opinions.

In addition, since the prompt mentioned "problems" and "benefits" in plural form, I think I should give at least 2 advantages and 2 disadvantages.

The result is, however, I wrote an essay where my ideas are underdeveloped here: essayforum.com/writing/advantages-disadvantages-celebrity-86171/. My questions are:

- Did I analyse the topic wrongly? If not, what is the problem that leads to an underdeveloped essay in my case




Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,317 3353  
Apr 29, 2020   #2
There are always several ways that a task can be discussed. That is a choice that is left up to the writer, what is shown in the book is nothing more than an option for writing the task. It is not the only way to write the task. There is a big difference between the example in the book and what you are actually writing. The one thing I can tell you is that if you rely on the examples from the book, if you try to copy the style in the book, then you will not learn how to write the essay in a manner that you are comfortable with. There will always be several ways to discuss, but only one method of response for the essay.

Being a non-English speaker, do not go for length. Just go for clarity. It is possible to use 2 paragraphs for the reasoning section and still have the advantages and disadvantages discussion, if that is how you want to discuss the essay. However, the format must be clear to the reader so that he can see the progression of the explanation. It is all about cohesiveness in the presentation. Something that can only be achieved if you first, learn how to outline your discussion. You cannot begin to write the essay properly if you do not first learn how to analyze the question and then outline the discussion.

Analysis breakdown:
Topic: Being a celebrity - such as a famous film star or sports personality - brings problems as well as benefits
Discussion Point: Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?"

Outline:
Benefits - list it down
Problems - Related to benefits
Personal Opinion: The life of a well known personality has certain perks. However, I believe the perks come with a price that causes complications for the superstar.

Consider your benefits and problems list. Which one do you think you have more reasons listed for? That will be the basis of your personal opinion. Once you outline the topics for discussion, you can combine both the benefits and the problems in one paragraph. This creates a properly developed explanation of both sides, in a related context. Use the 2 benefits and problems that you are most familiar with so that you can use one of each in every paragraph, fully explaining it, with the use of examples and supporting explanations. Otherwise, your essay will never be properly explained.

Formula:

Discuss 1 benefit + 1 problem = Fully developed discussion

Now, you have a choice. You can either use the book and follow those instructions alone or, you can learn from me and get guidance from an actual person. I do not have the time to try and convince you that I am right and the book is wrong or vice versa. You cannot learn from 2 teachers. You will have to pick one. Otherwise, you will never progress past the confused state that you are currently in. As you can see, the book is useless without a tutor. However, you do not need a book if you have a tutor.
OP vuthuylinh2611 19 / 61 1  
Apr 30, 2020   #3
@Holt
Thank you for your advice. I will try to revise my essay and I hope that I can follow your instructions.


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