"You are confined by the walls you build for yourself";Conflict Short Story- The CAVE

All advice/ feedback would be greatly appreciated

Task Description:
Using the stimulus provided, write a shot story which conveys the complexities of conflict, including context/ triggers, the conflict itself and the consequences (which may include resolution).

"You are confined by the walls you build for yourself"

The creature discouragingly clambers around the aphotic cave in pursuit of amusement and companionship, both of which it had already known to be nonexistent within this prison. The cadaverous creature was confined by the walls it had built for itself. Dust follows the footsteps of the creature as it circles round and round the small, airless, claustrophobic cave. Eventually the creature grows tired and finds a spot to rest for the night. Round and round the creature repeats its monotonous days waiting patiently until the day it would be safe leave the cave. Every so often the rumbling and clamour of beasts would be heard outside the cave, the creature had known this to be a result of their conflicts. It could hear them fight, the beasts' hostility for each other made the creature feel powerless and distressed. In the past the creature had attempted to intervene, only to be ignored and thrown away as if a mere pest. The creature would often ask itself, 'Did I do something bad, something that made me have to endure something like this?' It thought and thought but couldn't think of anything. Eventually none of it mattered anymore and so it just locked itself in its cage and quietly waited for the day the fighting would dissipate. But it was extremely tiring waiting for that day.

A slimmer of light awakened the creature from its quiescent slumber. The creature that had grown used to the darkness was dazed by the illumination and squinted in an effort to try and find the inception of the light. On all fours, the creature clumsily crawls its way towards the light and discovers a small cavity in the wall, big enough to peak its eye through. Growls and yells, louder than ever before were being exchanged between the beasts. From here the creature could clearly see the physical dominance one beast had over the other, pushing the smaller one over and beating it. The creature was frozen in its position, too frightened to act, too angry to turn away. The creature wanted to cry, it couldn't bear it, wanted to run, it wouldn't end, wanted to ignore it, wanted to scream, squirm, howl, vomit, go insane, stop it, resist it, endure it, flee from it, hide it, avoid it, shut itself from it, refuse it, bite at it, it was painful, searing, suffocating, sad, severe, the creature was cornered. Finally, the bigger one had enough. It let the smaller one go, threw it down, feeling no pain and walked far, far away. 'Was it finally over?' the creature asked itself and silence conquers the cave once again.

The little boy discouragingly clambers out of his room and finds his mother sitting broken on the floor. He tugs gently on her skirt and utters, 'Mommy are you ok? Is Daddy coming back?'

...could not.


maybe you should change used to accustomed


I am lost here which beasts the ones outside(if so mention it...somehow)...also you write louder than ever before... but there was no before....


The creature was frozen in its position, too frightened to act, yet to angry to turn away


The creature wanted to cry, run, ignore, scream, squirm. ...get the idea??


'Was it Finally over?' the creature asked itself as silence conquered the cave once again.


instead of discouragingly I suggest "cautiously"

Nice repetition of the word clamber, it works well as a hint for the reader towards the end

Amazing story...one of the most powerful endings I have seen in a while...;)