Please help me correct this paragraph
thanks a lot ^^
There are many differences between young people and their parents in handling money. In the first place, parents often do some traditional jobs such as worker, farmer...and they can do many jobs at the same time. Young people, on the other hand, prefer to choose high-skilled jobs such as tutor, stylist and focus on one job. In addition, parent's salary is quite lower while salary now is higher. Another difference is in spending. Parents spend money on necessary things for family with goods like televisions and vehicles. In contrast, young people spend money on their hobbies such as clothing, food and books. Whereas parents spend a reasonable amount of money and always think carefully before spending, young people often spend almost all of the money and spend before thinking. In term of saving money, parents can save money by putting money in the bank which is safe and brings interest rate. Another way is using money to buy gold or dollars and hoard. Unlike parents, young people save money by piggy banks or invest in stock market and real estate. Contrary to parents, who save money in a long term for important goals such as traveling, young people save money and use it when they want to buy something like food, dress and gifts. Recognizing the differences between the way of handling money of young people and their parents' as above can help us choose smart ways to manage money.
In addition, parent's salary is quite lower while salary now is higher. - i don't understand this proposal
there is word "money" too much, you should substitute this word.
hi herahera !
Firstly, is it an essay or just a paragraph ??
Secondly, this paragraph is confusing reader, you added a lot of linking words but it did not work.
My suggestion is that you should divide it into smaller group and pay lots of attention to clarity of your ideas, grammar and sentence structure.
First : differences of earning money
Second : the way they keep their pockets
Last : spending
Rewrite it please !! And if it is an essay, you should add introduction and conclusion in :)
you can change youg people and put teens or tenagers or young adults
There are many differences between young people and their parents in handling money.
.... I feel you better improve this a little;
There are many differences between young people and their parents in the way they handle money.In the first place, parents often do some traditional jobs such as worker, farmer...and they can do many jobs at the same time.
-------- this is not a complete sentence and therefore you idea is not clear to the reader.Young people, on the other hand, prefer to choose high-skilled jobs such as tutor, stylist and focus on one job.
W
hat you try to say by these two lines have issues as an idea. You say, older generation did not do specialized jobs and the younger generation engages in such jobs. I think this is not true. You can find professionals such as doctors, lawyers, engineers in the older generation too :(There are many differences between young people and their parents in handling money.
There are many differences between young people and their parents when it comes to handling money. Or
The manner in which young people handle money is quite different to the way their parents do.In the first place, parents often do some traditional jobs such as worker, farmer...
First of all, most parents are employed in the traditional work field, such as farming...In addition, parent's salary is quite lower while salary now is higher.
In addition, the salary of a parent is quite low compared to what young people earn.Okay sounds good overall, few grammatical mistakes have already been mentioned above, but the question I am asking is what is the context of the essay you seem to be answering or contradicting, because it was not as clear to me as the others have perceived it.
Thank you, and can you please review mine?
Peace!
