Hello. I'll also add to Trias's thoughts.The tomb I am in mocks me down to an apology of a man.
"Mocks me down to" is a bit awkward. I think there could be a better way to phrase your sentiment here. Try something like this:The tomb I am in mocks me, confirming that I am but an apology of a man.The cell is not huge and yet, it is not small; it seems perfect for five people ready to die.
The cell is not huge
, and yet, it is not small; it seems perfect for five people ready to die.
No external lights reaches into our eyes due to four windowless walls that encloses us.
No external
lightslight reaches
into our eyes due to four windowless walls that
enclosesenclose us.
You go on to say that you do have a little bit of external light through the pipe, so you may want to think of another way to state this. Maybe something like this:The cell is exceedingly dark. The four walls that enclose us are windowless.The only light we do see is through a pipe that leads outside.
The only light we
do see
iscomes through a pipe that leads outside.
The drawings are not of mad men; they are more of men who regret.
The drawings
are not ofwere not made by mad men;
instead, they
are more ofwere made by men who
haveregret.regrets.I'm assuming that you're describing the people who drew the pictures. If you were instead trying to describe the pictures themselves, I would phrase it like this:The drawings do not depict mad men; instead, they depict men who have regrets.Her dress is pretty, he hair is short and her smile haunting.
Her dress is pretty,
heher hair is short
, and her smile
is haunting.
On the wall behind, there is a drawing of a tombstone with 'RIP' scratched upon it.
On the wall behind, there is a drawing of a tombstone with
'RIP'"RIP" scratched upon it.
The wall opposite my friend Pietro is marked with a long poem that we take turns to read as we get ready for the final hour.
The wall opposite my friend Pietro is marked with a long poem that we take turns
to readreading as we get ready for the final hour.
The last lines read as follows, 'I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul,'.
The last lines read as follows
:" I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul.
"I hope that helps you some!