This is my first draft and I need some feedback. I appreciate it. Thank you.
In reflecting on the events that have impacted me, I find myself living in my hometown, New York all over again. I question myself if I would've worked diligently as I got through my senior year in New York or how would I change myself throughout the years spent in there. It all depends on where society can lead to and how it affects my identity. It wouldn't work out too well for me unless I worked assiduously and received motivation to strive for my education. I recall my freshman year of high school and how inadequately I did in some of my classes. During my freshman year, I kept on hearing in my head, "I could've done better" every single day. This statement was never permanently engrained in my mind. I was the typical student who never cared about a test or a quiz as long as I passed. I never challenged myself to learn beyond what was expected from a teacher or a parent. Overall, it was an abortive attempt to change my bad habits in New York.
Honestly, ever since I moved to Connecticut, a lot hasn't changed for me. Maybe I wasn't used to the atmosphere of the suburban area. For some reason, everything felt the same except where I was located. I thought that I must work harder in the beginning of sophomore year, but my progress didn't drastically change. Comparing my report card from New York, my grades improved significantly. I questioned myself on why I did better in Connecticut rather than in New York. Considering how Connecticut's a suburban area, there's a lot of farms, trees, etc... Somehow, I just did not fit into this type of environment. For the first two weeks I've been complaining about this place because there's literally nothing to do. It was awful. I was so used to going out all the time and do something productive with my friends. It wasn't the same. I realized that a suburban area has its benefits though. In terms of education, it is an advantage for me to value education.
Here I am now as a senior maintaining strong grades for the college I want to get into. I can't believe my high school years went by so quickly. Over the years up until now, working hard in school has taught me what it takes to succeed in life. From months and months of progress, I've reached up to a point where I gained a hard work ethic. I learned that living in Connecticut has made me be an independent individual by doing all my work on time and not making up any absurd excuses. Being independent also helped me realize that college won't treat me like a little kid; there will be a lot of responsibilities that I will have. Most importantly, I have developed self- confidence in myself that I can do things by myself, and know that I will not have any troubles. Instead of just giving up, I realize that it is necessary to risk failure in order to gain success. I would like to thank my parents for making the effective decision to make this adjustment for us.
It's pretty good. But a little short. Expand more on your life in high school and how it will prepare you for college.
I would describe more about the high school in New York...maybe more details as to why the grade wasnt so important. For myself I know my social life played a huge part in "not caring" maybe its the same for you but describe that in more detail. Also expand more on the new school, maybe how the teachers are different.
Lol sorry for the random thoughts, I hope that helps ya a little.
Thanks! But isn't there a limit on the college essay like 400-500 words?
Is this for college admission or just course work?
Yes! It is.
This essay is a good start, but it is a bit unbalanced. You spend a lot of time talking about how you were initially a weak student, which isn't a very good sell to the colleges. While you DO want to be truthful in your college essay, this doesn't mean you can't control what you do and do not focus on. Though you can mention how you were a weak student, spend more time talking about how your move to Connecticut changed not only your environment, but your experience and your goals. Colleges know many students had a bad start, but the essay is your opportunity to show how over time you have changed and grown up. By spending more time on how your high school experience changed you and turned you into a more mature and college bound individual, you will shine yourself in a better light towards the college and have a better chance of acceptance. Just some food for thought.
Wow, well said. You are right. I should make some changes. Thank you very much.
