Exemplification Essay (Intro Paragraph) - Qualities that Make an Athlete Great

My task was to write an exemplification essay on "Qualities that Make an Athlete Great." This is what I have written down so far. Any suggestions?

There are various characteristics one must acquire in order to be considered a great athlete. One key element is one must be a well-rounded team player, and not focused on oneself. Another key trait is the concept of one being well disciplined, during and not during game time. Lastly, it is inevitable that one must be able to perform one's great skills under a lot of pressure, mentally and physically. In conclusion, a great athlete is not made overnight, such skills are acquired through years of training and dedication.

My main issue is coming up with a conclusion sentence, they just come out so boring and vague.

Avoid the "one key element...", "another key trait...", and "lastly..." tactic you're using. It makes it sound like you're merely listing things rather than crafting them together into cohesive intro.

I am unsure how to address your conclusion sentence, but I would end it off with something like, "Though athletes may appear to be static, one-dimensional players, there is so much more that comprises a winning athlete."

Well, this might not fit because not all sports are team sports.


Yeah, but not if you write something that is extremely cool... something that helps people think of it in a new way. What is your most important insight about "great athlete?" I guess if I think about it, my own insight would be something like... the greatest athletes are the ones with the clearest minds.

Your essay should be several paragraphs, right? Are you going to write about a person that exemplifies your ideal of a great athlete?

All you need to do is write 3 sentences about the exemplary athlete, and extend each sentence into a paragraph by adding examples and quotes. Then go back and write the intro after you have written a few body paragraphs.

It's easy! :-)