this is my composition for IELTS,but i don't know whether it is goodor not .So i need someone to make some comments or correcet it .I will really appreciate !
Task: The exterior of a building is more important than its function. Do you agree?
In our contemporary society, architects often find themselves in a dilemma when deciding priority should be given to the exterior of building rather than their functions.
It is, on one hand, being advocating that functions play a pivotal role in buildings. To start with, any building bears a special purpose which in return decides its structures, materials, and exterior as well. The main function of a bridge, for instance ,is undoubtedly to provide a safe passage across a river. So some serious factors including capacity and durability should be taken in consideration firstly .Thus, the bridge can truly serve human beings well and satisfy people's need. On the contrary, if designers or architects pay much attention to the outlook of the building instead of its function, the building will lose its original meaning and become useless. Moreover, it is widely accepted that it is interior of buildings that really appears to people ---that is to say, people may get impressed by a well decorated and proper designed exterior of a building, but what they actually care about is its interior or functionality.
On the other hand ,it is worth pointing out that there are also arguments supporting the opinion that exterior is often more significant than interior .The main point may involve the recognition that exterior of a building ,such as one's home ,represents one's identity. Specifically, people try to get an idea about one or one's business from the exterior of he building the same way as we try to understand a person from his or her attire ,looks and behavior. Hence to stir mind of visitors and to leave a permanent impression on their memory, one needs to care about the exterior of home.
However, the idea of giving the exterior a first priority is unwarranted and its result may be catastrophic. For instance, an elegant bridge which cannot stand the floods can cause hundreds and even thousands of deaths, and a moviegoer can experience a boring film when he/she goes to a beautiful theater with a low-grade light. Such glamorous appearance means nothing if a construction lacks the good function.
All in all, the function of a building is the top consideration and other factors, including exterior, follow it. Otherwise, the devastating results are more likely to loom sooner or later.
It is, on one hand, being advocated that functions play a pivotal role in buildings. -----Being advocated.
Let's look at another example:
It is being argued that functions play a pivotal role.
It is being observed that people like to deceive themselves.
(You use ed and not ing.)
Here is another example, and you used the ed:
Moreover, it is widely accepted that ...
The main point may involve the recognition that exterior of a building ,such as one's home ,represents one's identity. -----Wow, very impressive. I guess you did not need me to talk about that basic stuff, because you have a complex writing style.
You just have a few small errors like this:
... the exterior of the building the same way as we try to understand a person from his or her attire, looks and behavior.
This is great writing!