The fiscal crisis has a big impact on us. The unemployed have no choice but to stand in long lines at job fairs. College graduates have a hard time looking for jobs. America is knee-high in debt. We will need a bail out, to secure our future.
The unemployed is in a situation, where they search for jobs the hard way. They stand in line for hours, outside a packed building, with their fingers crossed. They hope to go in, meet representatives from different companies, and get an application. However, some missed the opportunity and were turned away. It is not the unfortunates' fault that they are still jobless; it's the government's fault. They made empty promises to the people who currently do not have a job! The government should spring into action, instead of dealing with the issue. Actually, they have yet to come up with a solution to the problem.
Graduates have no chance of getting a job. They dreamed of getting a high-paying job at a company, which has kind employers and employees. Their dream was cut short, due to the cutback. They have to wait for the economy to get back on track. The graduates will be included in the list of unemployed citizens, if nothing happens. Their only option, for now, is to stay at home and watch the news. The reporters will say, "The fiscal crisis is over. The unemployment rate is going down." We have no choice but to wait for that day to come. However, that day will come years later.
Lincoln once said: "If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts." We need to know what steps are being taken to get rid of the big burden. The Americans are getting vague explanations from reliable sources. The government is spending more time on wondering who the culprit is than on coming up with solutions. On the other hand, the country is knee-high in debt. Ryan made this statement: "The debt crisis coming to our country. The wall and tidal wave of debt is befalling our nation. We have a liability looming so high that...our debt is $916 billion dollars."
A couple of years ago, there was a warning that we are on the road to Greece. This fact has not been conformed yet. It will become true, if there is no change in the current situation. There is no chance to take a stance, once we are on the highway to poverty. In that case, there is only one thing that could save us. A bail out will pull us out of the deep ravine that we fell into.
What's the prompt? This essay would be much easier to give feedback on if it was included.
College app essays are supposed to be about an issue that you have a deep personal connection to. I wrote my first draft of the Common App essay about global warming before figuring out that it was too general and having to choose a different topic. If you cannot find a way to give this more of a personal touch than something about how economic conditions affect us all, including you, you may want to consider other ideas for your essay.
A lot of the sentences here are quite vague or incorrect as well.
One example: "Graduates have no chance of getting a job."
Most graduates do get a job after graduation, but only 50% of them have a job that is pertinent to their major or desired career. Make sure you expand and include more concrete information.
Using quotes can make it seem like you don't have your own opinion. To make this essay stronger, I would recommend completely deleting the Lincoln quote and including the information Ryan presents as fact and not quote (if it is indeed true) to make the argument more yours and less other people's.
Also, a bailout of the U.S. government is unfeasible; no monetary body exists in the world that could dredge up enough money to cover all the U.S.'s public debt.
Sorry if this post was too negative.
