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Global Undergraduate Exchange Program, how to start this essay?


waliyadin 1 / 6  
Sep 30, 2010   #1
I have Questions about the Essay Questions. First, What is Academic Objective?. 2nd, What is the type program ?. 3rd, What are Personality and Individuality ?.Thanks in advance.

shofa_nefertete 12 / 35  
Sep 30, 2010   #2
What are applying in the first place.

Academic objective may be perceived in different ways. It could be:
1. why you study this course?
2. what you intend to accomplish in the end?
3. what will you do in your course?

Program: what is your degree? Are you Bachelor in Arts? or Science?
OP waliyadin 1 / 6  
Oct 1, 2010   #3
Thanks for your answer. I have written the essay to fulfill the requirement of Global Undergraduate Exchange Program Scholarship. I need someone who want to edit my first draft.

Thanks in advance.

On june 26, 2006 my math teacher asked what my ideal was. I am doubt what I should answer. I am speechless. That is question in my mind can I continue my education untill college. Whereas, the economic condition of my my parents is not supported. But, for replying my teacher question, I said that I want to be a teacher. I do not supposed, my teacher support me and he is ready to help me paying my school expense. The day was announcement of national examination of my primary school at the first grade I got first rank. My score is almost perfect. I got 10 on Mathematics, 9 on English and 9,5 on bahasa. Those are because of my persistence efforts, my parents support and praying. Starting for that reason, I always had high motivation to study to pursue my dreams.

Growing up, I continue my study to college taking ...
sabs 5 / 8  
Oct 1, 2010   #4
you should look at where your applying first. Check out their website to get information so you can support you writing and explain why you choose this specific program.
OP waliyadin 1 / 6  
Oct 2, 2010   #5
I have checked the website but I still confuse at the essay question. I enclose the essay question, perhaps you can explain it completely.
Here are the instructions.
[i]Please describe yourself and write a clear and detailed description of your academic objectives and the reasons why you wish to pursue them in the USA. Discuss your goals both in terms of your field of study and your own personal development. Describe the type of program you wish to pursue in the USA and how it relates to your academic background and interests and your objectives for the future.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Oct 3, 2010   #6
Well, that prompt has 3 parts, so use a paragraph for each part. You can make this a 'classic five paragraph essay.' There can be an intro, a paragraph for each of these 3 questions, and a conclusion.

Here is a correction for your verbs. I'll put them in the past tense.
I was doubtful about how I should answer. I was speechless. The question in my mind was, "Can I continue my education in college?"

Here is another:
Those successes are because of my persistent efforts, my parents' support, and praying. For that reason, I always had high motivation to study to pursue my dreams.

The illiteracy rate is high, and I have a responsibility to develop my home town. Through my ability, I want to struggle and fulfill that responsibility.

:-)
OP waliyadin 1 / 6  
Oct 16, 2010   #7
I am going to write personal statement to fulfill requirement of Undergraduate Exchange Program. this is my first draft. could you understand it ?. please give some suggestion for the content of my personal statement.

On june 26, 2006 my math teacher asked what my ideal was. I am doubt what I should answer. I am speechless. That is question in my mind can I continue my education untill college. Whereas, the economic condition of my my parents is not supported. But, for replying my teacher question, I said that I want to be a teacher. I do not supposed, my teacher support me and he is ready to help me paying my school expense. The day was announcement of national examination of my primary school at the first grade I got first rank. My score is almost perfect. I got 10 on Mathematics, 9 on English and 9,5 on bahasa. Those are because of my persistence efforts, my parents support and praying. Starting for that reason, I always had high motivation to study to pursue my dreams.

Growing up, I continue my study to college taking English department. I want to be an English teacher. When I was in junior high school, my English teacher ask me to continue his job as a teacher. I proud of him due to his skill in teaching English is very interesting. He can convey the lesson well so that the student can comprehend the lesson easily . beside, feel sorry to the youth condition in my village. They can not get secondary school. Most of them merely get primary school. Even, they are illiterate I want to be a teacher in order to develop my village especially to break illiterate and make them realize how important education is.

I want to improve my ability in teaching and learning, specifically in English teaching. Therefore, I decide to study in the USA. The quality of education in the USA is very good. There are enormous knowledge and science source I can take. My ultimate goal study the USA is not getting prestige but I want to establish my self to be qualified person in developing education and have a high social belonging. After studying in USA, I would apply my skill for people necessity. It is according to my motto, useful for my self, my institution, and the others.

I have much involvement in community service and extracurricular. In my village, I join Nahdatul Ulama Student. This organization focus on youth, education, and social matter. The real program is conducting cadrezation in order that they can be good generation. In society we contribute orphan, by giving them some money and stationary. In my university, I join Walisongo English Club (WEC). In this semester, I am still member of WEC's officer. I also join Student Community of teacher major. In this organization, my focus is on Education and thought development. The real program is conducting discussions every week.

I also join Indonesian Islamic student movement Organization. In this Organization, I am focus on Department of Language developing. The program is conducting discussion every two weeks and seminar. We facilitate the students who want to improve their language, such as English, Arabic, and Javanese. The last but not least, I join Regional Organization, the name is Brebes Student College Family (BSCF). I n this organization, I am recommended as the Chairman for 2011-2012 period. The purpose this organization is giving thought and critic for advancing Brebes. I think this organization is needed by my home town. Otherwise, the condition of my home town is labil. There is no leader there, because the leader is involved in corruption. The condition of education is left behind. The illiterate rate is high, I am as Brebes person have responsibility to develop my home town. Through my ability, I want to struggle to develop my home town.

I do hope I can gain my dream although there so many weakness in myself. I believe I can repair weakness trough studying in the USA and I can Improve my talents there. I promise to my self to utilize the opportunity to study in the USA well. Because I have huge responsibility to establish myself, my society, and my beloved country.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Oct 19, 2010   #8
Capitalize June.

You need to practice writing verbs in the past tense:
I am doubt what I should answer. I am speechless. That is question in my mind can I continue my education untill college.
I was in doubt about what I should answer. I was speechless. The only question in my mind was, "Can I continue my education until college?"

Use an apostrophe to show that something belongs to someone else: But, for replying to my teacher's question, I said

Again, practice past verb tense:
Growing up, I continued my study until college, especially in the English department. I wanted to be an English teacher. When I was in junior high school, my English teacher asked me to continue his job as a teacher.

I was proud of him due to because his skill in teaching English is very interesting.

The last sentence of the essay is incomplete, because the word "because" should be preceded by a comma: I promise myself I will utilize the opportunity to study in the USA well, because I have huge responsibility to establish myself, my society, and my beloved country.----- This is the correct way.

Practice!! Rewrite it with these corrections. :-) Maybe other people will see more ways to improve the essay.
OP waliyadin 1 / 6  
Oct 23, 2010   #9
thank you very much for your suggestion. I still need your help to comment my essay. is my essay interesting?.do you think my story is unique ? I still confused how to write introductory paragraph; how to write essay become coherence; how to write concluding paragraph. I do hope you can help me. please give me detail explanation. Thanks in advance.:-)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Oct 28, 2010   #10
It is interesting because of the interesting life you have had.

For making it interesting, the first and last sentence of every paragraph are most important.

Use lots of "action verbs" and "imagery words" (Google these terms if you do not know what they mean).

It will be great if the essay can have a memorable theme, a phrase that you use at the beginning and also the end to express your main idea.

:-)
OP waliyadin 1 / 6  
Nov 13, 2011   #11
I have made an article, but I need someone correction regarding to grammatical error and content. what do you think abot my article? what is the appropriate tittle of my article. please give me comment as detail as possible because I am still learning. thanks in advance :-)

the following is my draft

Indonesia public may feel happy since Komodo Dragon Park was selected as the one of the seven wonders of nature in the world by new seven wonders foundation on Friday (Saturday morning local time) although this announcement is still temporary because the formal celebration will be conducted on early January 2011. Komodo Park's victory is inseparable of the role of Indonesians and world citizens who have given support Komodo Dragon Park in order to be the winner of this competition.

Being the world's new seven natural wonders prove Indonesia has something wonderful and can be showed off to the public in the world, not only such bad things as bribery and corruption rate, criminality, terrorism, poverty, disaster, and so forth which appeared but also the good ones. Nevertheless, there is a consideration must be paid attention by government in encountering the victory. The consideration is not to exploit Komodo Dragon Park for business only but must consider conservation.

The Komodo Dragon Park which becomes the member of the world's new seven wonders will bring fortune for Indonesia especially for the development of tourism in East Nusa Tenggara because it will make the Komodo Dragon Park will bee much more famous and attract many tourists to come NTT. The implication will be very good to develop the economic for the citizens who live around the Komodo Dragon Park.

In 21st Century, Tourism industry play significant role to develop economic sector a state. It becomes mainstay to contribute economic development so that it should be develop continuously (Suara Merdeka, 3/11/11). Moreover, seeing the economic condition of East Nusa Tenggara is very low. Many poor family live there and there are so many remote region. If the government develops the tourism industry in East Nusa Tenggara seriously, it will attract so many tourists that will support economy of East Nusa Tenggara Citizen.

How to make The Komodo Dragon Park can be famous tourist resort with many visitors?. Infrastructures such as hotel, air port, harbor have to be built and means of transportation must be added because it is important to make the tourists feel comfortable and easier to reach the Komodo Dragon Park. Then how the expense to build the infrastructure can be achieved?. It is needed investor either from government or private investor.

Ready Komodo island became one of the seven wonders of the world?

Then how to make Komodo island could become a bustling tourist visitors.Firsly, Infrastructure needs to be built because it is impossible to develop tourism without infrastructure support. Infrastructures that need to be built there are the inn, airport, and means of transportation. Then how the cost to build the infrastructure can be achieved?. It Needs investment from private parties or government. To achieve this goal there must be a vigorous campaign for many tourists who come to later, the results of management can be used to build the infrastructure that was there. As a former vice president Yusuf Kalla and chairman of committee Winning Komodo Island (P2K), Emy Hafild that with their enthusiasm campaign komodo island in hopes of eventually become a tourist attraction with many visitors and the results of its management could be for the welfare of residents in East Nusa Tenggara where environmental conditions that exist there heat and no nothing.

According to the Putra Sastrawan, an environmental expert in an interview on Radio Elshinta News Sunday, November 13, 2011 declared a state of Komodo in Indonesia is still suffering, Based on his research, komodo dragons are there in a state of starvation because of reduced food supplies there. Komodo is included in the meat-eating animals need other animals to prey. Therefore there should be preservation of the natural environment in the island of Komodoin order to Komodo island ecosystems remain in balance. It is very necessary attention by the government of the island of Komodo After later actually became one of the seven wonders of the world and is well known that tourism will certainly attract many tourists.

One more thing to consider in the promotion of the island of Komodo that is if the promotion is done only to attract tourists will bring bad impact on the conservation of Komodo itself. This is in line with what is delivered by environmental experts from the University of Indonesia Jatna Supratna stating that there will be no significant change if the proceeds from the promotion of the island of Komodo just for tourism, but should be balanced between promotion and conservation of Komodo Island, too. Will not matter if there tourism growing but nonetheless later extinct Komodo Island travelers will ultimately not interested in the island of Komodo.

So the government in this term, ministry of tourism and creative economy must really manage the island of Komodo as well. Both of tourism development and conservation. Do not just eager for economic interests but the conservation is ignored.
OP waliyadin 1 / 6  
Feb 17, 2012   #12
I was accepted as one of the IELSP (Indonesia English Language Study Program) scholarship. On August I will go to Virginia Tech University but I have no experience in abroad. What should I do?

I need some one who has experience in abroad. please, share to me. thanks in advance.


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