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Help me to decide the content, length, structures of the scholarship essay below.


interests, activities and scholarly interests



Please type up a list of any extra-curricular science and math activities you have been involved in (e.g., school clubs, academic teams, tutoring, relevant volunteer work, shadowing/internship experiences, independent studies, summer research programs, etc.) and any awards/honors you have received (e.g., science fair competitions, science or math Olympiad medals, high testing, etc.). Then underneath the list, write a brief essay discussing:

(a) your interests in science and/or mathematics,
(b)how the activities you list above have helped you grow as a scientist and/or mathematician, and
(c) how you hope to pursue your scholarly interests at our college.


Jan 9, 2017   #2
Nanda, didn't the prompt offer you any idea regarding the length of this essay? The instructions did a pretty good job of describing the content of the discussion though so I am surprised that they did not offer you a more specific instruction regarding the length of the brief. Being a brief, you are expected to write a summary of the activities that you have listed. Depending upon the number of activities, the paper could go on for as long as 5 pages. However, I believe that writing 3 pages will be more than enough provided you have chosen to represent only your most impressive activities and achievements in the fields indicated. There are some instances when even 2 pages will be sufficient. It all depends upon how you present the information. I always say that it is better to go long in content and then whittle it down for the most important and impressive presentations after. You can always edit yourself better when you have said everything that you want to say. You can personally tell if you are running long, have redundancies, and if your presentations are still relevant, just fillers, or are unimportant to the overall essay. Everything is up to you. I can only guide you regarding the content and length, or even the structure, after you have made your draft. Good luck. I hope to read the draft here when you are done with it.
@Holt This one is for a different college than my previous threads. I've divided it into three sections. I've skipped the list of my extracurricular and achievements, but I've talked about them on my second section. Check this out, please.

The rise :
As my neighbor, Mr.Shakya, had already threatened me a couple of times to not mess with his private (highly secured) network, I-a mischievous 8th grader- used to hole up in my bedroom when he frequently complained my parents about his dysfunctional ADSL router: by plotting a simple brute-force attack to theSubisu's (a National Internet Service Provider) network-bridge being incognito in the workgroup, I had gained access to his Wireless Nanostation and traced the family's entire devices' MAC addresses following the restriction of access from their own wireless network by activating the built-in MAC filtration protocol. With diverse technical skillsets regarding network topologies, I, however, never practiced severe cyber felony which could've critically injured several institutions' database & privacy and I'd be behind bars. This juvenile delinquency of manipulating wireless networks in vicinity-often bummed out my family and neighbors-was maneuvering my vehemence towards something revolutionary in Wireless technology:Utmost Reinforcement of Cyber Security. From controversial incidents like Russian intrusion in American election to the global economic treachery of Panama Papers, this omnipresence of cyber vulnerability psyched me up to enlighten myself with exclusive technical knowledge on Cyber Forensics as well as dedicate my effort towards strengthening of network security in my locality rather than the habitual commitment for cyber-infraction. I now believe that for strict maintenance of upright cyber-world, conventional digital communication paradigms ought to be equipped with Neuroscientific advancements-cum-Artificial Intelligence (A.I) capabilities. In reality, this obsession to investigate the feasibility of bio-neural connectivity, using Silicon chips and Nano-electronics, sparked in my psyche during a lecture on Human Anatomy- when the professor presented a flowchart that demonstrated the intercommunication between the nerve cells (Neurons) via electric impulses. Although I've been stranded in the technological archaism of my locale, I've still kept an eye on the researches and journals of several tech enthusiasts online. Through them I've realized that by following a biologically-hybrid principle of miniaturizing microelectronic and micro-electro-mechanical technologies for the realization of smart machineries from the molecular components, we can probably invent invulnerable systems, superbly optimized in terms of architecture, power consumption, intercommunication, and further motivate their installation as the building blocks for new energy-efficient and eco-friendly initiatives.

The making:
I aspired to build a robot the day I watched the sci-fi movie 'Robocop'. With random electronic parts and junk wires, I began soldering the kits without anyone's knowledge. The machine didn't really do anything-other than get me into trouble: it turned out that those "random" parts were rather costly RCA tubes preserved by my dad. Still, such household fiascoes didn't hold me back from participating in Yantra, a Robotics Team Competition featuring robotic moguls & brilliant high-schoolers with their sophisticated machineries, unlike my homemade recreational toys. Although I was acquainted with the programmability of microcontrollers, I lacked the knowledge of the Voice-delivery modules for my Information-bot. I was always a solitary techie getting my hands dirty in diverse technical entities: from making a bulletin software for my high-school administration to designing UX for an application of Jaycees foundation. I was ignorant of the significance of team-work in today's fluctuating technical empire because I didn't ever sense helpless while I was assigned any sort of responsibility related to my computing forte. One summer I trained myself to animate infographics while the next summer I mastered the art of mediocre computer programming. However, this moment wasn't one of those summer vacations and I was bound to team up with my Science Club buddies from high school. Throughout the process, I recollected all those thought-provoking discussions on Machine Learning & Language Processing I had been engaged in with my fellow techies from the Arniko's ICT & Science Club. I realized that those people were more than just few passersby of my high-school life, so I summoned a team for myself accomplished enough to compete in such a prestigious National event. The decision soon proved to be one of my wisest decisions, so far, as my friends implemented diverse skill-sets, from coding fluent voice-delivery mechanism to the embellishment of system architecture, in finalizing our robot's configuration. After a fortnight of restless collaboration for building our bot and finally contesting in the event, I was gratified to the nth degree while witnessing the dominance of team-effort over my past technical insularity. Although our team secured a minimal honor of 'Innovative Bot' in the competition, watching our creation do something as simple as speaking out few instructions was exhilarating, particularly when we had built it on a short notice with praiseworthy team-spirit. After my high-school graduation at Jhakaas Solutions(a mediocre tech firm), I not only teamed up with the cyber-security professionals as an intern, but I also picked up various technical skills and entrepreneurial experiences while the official crew labored to secure the workstations of a number of local Nepalese commercial enterprises from critical cyber offense.

At XXX COLLEGE:
XXX's prestigious science and research department equipped with state-of-the-art technology and pioneering approach towards learning is what I need to kick off my pursuit of lessening cybercrimes, not to mention perfecting Neural Networking with Deep learning progressions. Under the supervision of world's finest educators and researchers like Mr.Bradley and Thomas O'Copper, I will not only be getting mileage out of top-notch laboratories from early freshmen days, but I'll also be teaming up with Neuroscience & A.I. enthusiasts from the elite institutions like MIT & Harvard- via Dual Degree Engineering Program. XXX's high-tech arrangements on Harder Hall-Linux lab & Computer lab- along with several sophisticated computing and engineering courses, like Artificial Intelligence (CS-322), Numerical Algorithms (MC-316), etc. could enlighten me about the sustainable employment of futuristic technologies towards conglomeration of Neuroscience and A.I for Cyber Security: synthesis of a Neuro-scientifically Intelligent Cyber Space.

Having accomplished some appreciable leadership ventures at my community, I'm also looking forward to directing my own volunteering project through the prestigious Honors Forum. I'm truly excited about XXX's association with Pi Mu Epsilon; witnessing remarkable innovations and strategies on Mathematics from miscellaneous partakers at the annual conference will further broaden my scope of understanding as well as befriend me with some Mathematical virtuosos. Furthermore, I've premeditated to represent XXX's Mathematics division at the Hudson River Undergraduate Mathematics Conference by putting forward a research on 'Statistical Optimization of Neural Transceivers' and by further disclosing the significance of integrating statistical foundations with neuroscientific establishments for d├ębuting an artificial neural internet.

On a bigger picture, I am also looking forward to being professionally involved in a major A.I plus Neuroscience project for substituting contemporarily dumb networking entities with neurologically smart technology and revolutionizing the conventional digital storage and processing mechanisms for the sake of cybersecurity. Despite being an unprecedented communication paradigm,Intelligent Nano-networking demands an interdisciplinary approach with backings from highly experienced group of elites equipped with satisfactory infrastructures, which I readily discover at XXX.
Jan 11, 2017   #4
Nanda, when you are asked to write a brief essay, that means you are supposed to write all of the information in a single page. This is over 2 pages in single space. Definitely over the preset limits for a brief. Try to keep the brief between 200-300 words. This is way too detailed in terms of the requirements of the summary / brief. You have to offer only 100 words per topic at this point. That will provide an accurate enough summary of the essay requirements. At this point, this is definitely not a brief but a fully developed essay covering 770 words. I don't think it will be difficult for you to create a proper brief for your essay since you have too much information to present at this point. Use the brief to present the highlights and important information only. This much detail will not help your application because the reviewer will not be able to get all of the information that he needs in the summarized form that you were required to present. Don't go over a one page, single space presentation. Review the essay and try to find the points where you can cut down. Keep it brief. Keep it short. That is what the requirements expects you to present.
@Holt
I've hardly managed to shorten my essay upto this, so please look after my content and grammar and do comment anything.

THE RISE :

By plotting a simple brute-force attack to the Subisu's (a National Internet Service Provider) network-bridge as anonymous in the workgroup, I had gained access to my neighbors' Wireless stations and traced entire devices' MAC addresses following the restriction of access by activating the built-in MAC filtration protocol. This juvenile delinquency of manipulating wireless networks in vicinity- though I never practiced severe cyber felonies -was maneuvering my enthusiasm towards something revolutionary in modern communication: Utmost Reinforcement of Cyber Security. From controversial incidents like Russian intrusion in American election to the global economic treachery of Panama Papers, this omnipresence of cyber vulnerability psyched me up to enlighten myself with exclusive technical knowledge on cyber forensics. I now believe that for strict maintenance of upright cyber-world, conventional digital communication standards ought to be furnished with Neuroscientific advancements-cum-Artificial Intelligence (A.I) capabilities. All these years I've been stranded in the technological archaism of my locale; however, I've still kept an eye on specific researches online. Hence, I've realized that through a biologically-hybrid principle of miniaturizing micro-electro-mechanical technologies, we can probably invent invulnerable systems superbly optimized in terms of architecture, power consumption, intercommunication, and further motivate their installation as the building blocks for new energy-efficient and eco-friendly initiatives.

THE MAKING:
I aspired to build a robot the day I watched the sci-fi movie 'Robocop'. With random electronics and junk wires, I began soldering the kits without anyone's knowledge. The machine didn't really do anything-other than get me into trouble: it turned out that those "random" parts were rather costly RCA tubes preserved by my dad. Still, such household fiascoes couldn't discourage me from participating in Yantra, a Robotics Team Competition featuring robotic moguls with their sophisticated machineries, unlike my homemade recreational toys. Although I was acquainted with the programmability of microcontrollers, I lacked the knowledge of the Voice-delivery modules for my Information-bot. I was always a solitary techie getting my hands dirty in diverse technical entities: from coding a bulletin software for my high-school's administration to designing User Experience for an application of Jaycees. One summer I trained myself to animate infographics while the next I grasped computer programming. However, this time I was bound to team up with my fellow techies from the ICT & Science Club to compete in such a prestigious National event-for I recollected all those thought-provoking discussions on Machine Learning & Language Processing we had during high-school leisure. Conclusively, though our team secured a minimal honor in the competition, watching our creation do something as simple as speaking out few instructions was exhilarating, particularly when we had built it on a short notice with praiseworthy team-spirit. After my high-school graduation, at Jhakaas Solutions(a Tech solutions company), I not only teamed up with the cyber-security professionals as an intern, but I also picked up various entrepreneurial & technical experiences while the official crew collaborated to secure the workstations of a number of local Nepalese commercial enterprises from critical cyber offense.

AT XXX:
XXX's prestigious science and research departments- esp.The Center for Integrated Sciences-equipped with state-of-the-art technology and pioneering approach towards education is what I need to kick off my pursuit of lessening cybercrimes by perfecting Neural Networking with Deep learning progressions. Under the supervision of world's finest educators and researchers like David Vellajir and Ras O'Connell, I will not only be getting mileage out of top-notch laboratories, but I'll also be cooperating with the elites of Dartmouth-via Dual Degree Engineering Program. XXX's high-tech arrangements on Jarder Hall-Linux & Computer lab- along with several sophisticated computing and engineering courses, like Artificial Intelligence (CS-322), Numerical Algorithms (MC-316), etc. could enlighten me about the sustainable employment of futuristic technologies towards conglomeration of Neuroscience and A.I for Cyber Security: synthesis of a Neuro-scientifically sophisticated Cyber Space.

Having accomplished some appreciable leadership ventures, I'm also looking forward to directing my own volunteering project through the prestigious Honors Forum. I'm frankly excited about XXX's association with Pi Mu Epsilon; witnessing remarkable innovations on Mathematics from miscellaneous partakers at the annual conference will further broaden my understanding as well as befriend me with some Mathematical virtuosos. Furthermore, I've premeditated to represent XXX's Mathematics division at the Hudson River Undergraduate Mathematics Conference by putting forward a research on 'Statistical Optimization of Neural Transceivers', not to mention the significance of integrating statistical foundations with neuroscientific establishments for d├ębuting an artificial neural internet.
Jan 12, 2017   #6
Nanda, I know that you follow current events and are proud to mention these in your essays because you want to show a familiarity with the political events in the country you wish to go to school in. However, since there is no clear evidence of Russian intervention in the U.S. elections, it would be best not bring this topic up as it is highly explosive and political in nature so that it loses its scientific relevance when it comes up in a conversation. Omit that and just keep the talk about the Panama Papers instead.

Your "The Making" portion is not relevant to the activities you previously listed. Your growth as a scientist at this point has to relate solely with the activities that you mentioned at the start of the essay. By bringing in "Robocop", you are not building upon the foundation that you set for your interests in the first section. The essay instructions provide you with clear guidance regarding how to build your discussion so all you have to do is follow it. Do not introduce new topics per part. Discuss a smooth and related set of events based upon your opening statement activities.

The third part of the essay seems relevant enough to be included in this response. What you need to do, in order to create the brief is you relate the second paragraph to the first paragraph. The second paragraph should represent the thorough brief discussion since it relates to how your activities from the start have helped you to further develop your interest in the field.


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