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Essay about why the 4th of july is celebrated?


atikin /  
Jun 29, 2009   #1
why is the 4thh of july celebrated?

will post the essay a little later after revising it more.
Notoman 20 / 419  
Jun 29, 2009   #2
"The only birthday I ever commemorate, is that of our Independence, the Fourth of July." ~Thomas Jefferson, 1801

That sounds like a fun prompt. Is it for a class? How long does it need to be? MLA citations or not? Sorry to ask so many questions. As I try to improve my own writing, I have been tackling some of these prompts. It helps if I know a little more about the directions and the purpose.
EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Jun 29, 2009   #3
Yes, please do tell us more about the scope and purpose of the assignment.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Jun 30, 2009   #4
Yes, the question as posted is a fairly simple one that doesn't really need an entire essay to answer it. It certainly could be expanded into something very interesting, but you haven't really indicated anything that would lead us to do that . . .
EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Jun 30, 2009   #5
This is a strong essay that begins weakly. I'd take your last line and use it as your first.

I notice a tendency to phrase your sentences passively. This detracts from the power of your prose.

For example...
Emerging was the idea of a republic form of government, in which power came from the people, rather than a repressive monarch. Thomas Paine's influential pamphlet, "Common Sense," was read by a large audience in the colonies.

Instead...
The idea of a republic form of government, in which power came from the people, rather than a repressive monarch, began to emerge. Many colonists read Thomas Paine's influential pamphlet, "Common Sense."
OP atikin /  
Jun 30, 2009   #6
thank you
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Jun 30, 2009   #7
Hmmmm . . . the essay seems to have been removed. Did you copy it from another website, or merely post a copy of it on some other site yourself after finishing it?


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