Learning to write Essay Introductions? (Technological advancements)

Hi All,

I am trying to learn to write introduction of essays. As I find it difficult to start a new essay. Below is the introduction for an IELTS essay.

Topic:
"As technologies and the demand for certain services change, many workers will lose their jobs. The responsibility for those people to adjust to such change should belong to the individual worker, not to government or to business."

Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion stated above. Support your position with specific reasons and/or examples drawn from your reading, your observations, or your own experience.

Introduction:

Technological advancements are reshaping the world with a drastic speed. Every other day a new revolutionary invention redefines the work environment. Consequently, many job functions and skill set are being rendered obsolete as well. With whom the responsibility of affected employees lies, is a question with no clear answer. According to a number of people governments and businesses are to be blamed. However others require individual workers to keep themselves up to date with technology. My opinion coincides with that of the people of latter group.

Kindly review, I will highly appreciate your valuable comments.

Apart from above request, could somebody please refer me a good source from where I could learn to use punctuation.

Thanks.

Thank you, Duminda.

I am skeptical about below sentence,


Is it correct to use "as well" here ? if someone could please suggest a better alternative. Combination of "consequently" and "as well" seem a bit odd to me.