I (kind of) finished my essay and the recommendation is 500-1000 words. I wrote 1218, so I need some SERIOUS help to cut it short. And I wanted to know if you guys can help me find grammatical errors and if it's too much (over the top) and if so - if I should cut some parts out! THANKS!!!
Prompt: Seeking knowledge and commitment to service are integral parts of the Spelman experience. Discuss and illustrate ways you have shown your commitment in these areas.
I grew up as the number 4 of 7 children. All girls. My dad was born and raised in Algeria, North Africa. Being bicultural helped me understand a lot. I grew up getting picked on in school because of my skin color. Class mates used to tell me I wouldn't make it to anything. After all, I was a girl and even worse, half black. When I came back from the U.S., I ran into former class mates of mine. The ones who made me believe I was less worth than them because of my cultural background. Two or three of them, at least, had children at the age of 16, if not younger. They did not finish school or had bad grades and couldn't find a job. I, however did what I had to do and kept working hard, striving for knowledge and focusing on school and today, I know that I have and always had the best of both worlds. Libraries baceme my favorite places to hang out. Instead of hanging out with friends after school, I volunteered at a youth club, helping them solve school problems and social problems.
After school, I decided to leave my beloved environment and try something new. I wanted to combine the things that are most important to me, besides god and family. Education. Helping others and culture. I became an Aupair. I was living with a single mother and her two boys, now 7 and 5 years old. She was working 12 hours a day. I was basically their substituion mother and had all the obligations that a real mother would have had. I took classes at the University of ... in the evenings, after work. During my time in America, I volunteered at the ... Church and Preschool in ..., state. I also volunteered during the holidays. On Halloween, we took the kids to a retirement home. It just made me feel like there's nothing better than that. I would love to, one day, combine supporting others and education for a living.
It's all about dedication. I know that for a fact. In Germany, it takes months to get a driver's license and it is very expensive. I was in training to become a paralegal. I was into the training for about two years, when I began taking driving lessons. I started working overtime, missing out a few parties, birthdays and concerts, paid $ 1,984.00 for my license and ended up messing up my sleeping schedule due to changing working hours, school, driving lessons, babysitting, volunteering, charity work and family events. Oh, and while I was taking lessons after school and work, I also had to babysit a young woman's children. A boy and a girl. She was in College, didn't really have friends and family to help her out. I barely knew her. The supervisor at the place where I was volunteering told her about me and we got to know each other. She asked me to babysit, right away. She was so concerned about the money I might have asked for, because she was a single mom with two kids, no job and yes, let's face it: No money. Without a second thought, I told her "Don't worry about it! I'll watch them for free." She looked at me with her her big, brown but teary eyes and asked: "Why would you do that? You have two jobs, your driving lessons, school and your training." Why did I do it? I don't know. I didn't even think about it. But I knew right then and there that I wanted to help her. Anytime. Anyplace. And anywhere I could. During my last year in school, I started filling out applications for Aupair agencies. To find a host family and to differ from other Aupairs, I had to to have more than 500 hours of working experience with children. As I was filling out the forms, I looked up, closed my eyes and said: "Thank you." The reason why I did this? I would have never ever been able to work any more hours at a kindergarten or day care to collect the required hours for my Aupair application. I thought about the lady that needed my help with her two kids. I didn't even have time to babysit two little, cute strangers but somehow there was no question that I needed to help her out. And I knew right away that all of this was fate. All the months of babysitting counted as experience. I was preparing for my exchange program all along, without even knowing, by helping another person.
Oprah Winfrey was right, when she said: "I don't think you ever stop giving. I really don't. I think it's an on-going process. And it's not just about being able to write a check. It's being able to touch somebody's life."
I believe, the woman's and children's lives touched mine as well as I touched their's. And to me, community involvement and service, be it babysitting, helping out at the fire station or food distribution at the shelter, can be viewed as forms of education. Spelman College is the mecca of beautiful, strong and talented women who are dedicated and extraordinary. They come from culturally and linguistically diverse backgrounds and one day, I want to be one of them. I want to be 70 years old and look back at my career as a wonderful, admiring and happy journey. 'Dedication' and 'Determination' were the two words that accompanied me along the way and I am very proud that my faith, the hope and boundless support of my friends and famly brought me here.
I have been tutoring kids and even young adults. Mostly in the subjects of German, English, History, Economy & Law. I have also been helping out at the homeless shelter during holidays and I have worked at a youth club for kids and teengers for a while. I babysat for different families and helped the government and community with everything that was needed, when the once-in-a-hundered-years flood hit our beautiful city in August 2002. I was in the swim team for 6 years in kindergarten and elementary school. In middle school and secondary school, I attended sport festivals and participated in Volleyball, endurance run, soccer, relay race and I was the class representative several times. I also attended a track and field team when I was in elementary school. I always wanted to be ahead of the others. It's time to turn my dreams into reality! Taking care of kids, helping at the shelter, donating blood, reconstruct destroyed buildings, food donations or tutoring. I love what I do and I encourage everyone else out there to just take a deep breath, to count their blessings and to notice the richness of our lives. We have the obligation to change the world if we want to and today, by applying at Spelman College, I start with myself. I want to do so much more for all the people out there, who can't help themselves and with my strong will to help and serve and a great education, I don't think there's anything that could hold me back.
