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paper on cause and effect (shall I use the metaphor?)


pandolfi91 2 / 5  
Mar 8, 2007   #1
I have a few sentences that are close to becoming what I want but not exactly there yet.

"Our nations resources required sufficient means of handling wounded, traumatized, or emotional rollercoaster soldiers who returned from war."

or

"Our nations war effort required sufficient means of handling wounded, traumatized, or emotional rollercoaster soldiers who returned from war which currently show inadequate medical attention."

The begining is fine but the end is a ilttle shaky. I want to use the metaphor (emotional rollercoaster) but I am not exactly sure how to properly fit it in.

Once I get a few replys I will find more sentences but this is just one that has been bothering me. I am just looking for an outsider opinion/revision.

Thanks a lot,
Anthony
EF_Team2 1 / 1,708  
Mar 9, 2007   #2
Greetings, Anthony!

There's a way to use that metaphor, but I don't think making an adjective out of it is going to work. "Emotional roller coaster soldiers" just sounds too awkward. Could you say, " ... handling wounded, traumatized, or emotionally-damaged soldiers" and then later refer to them as being on an "emotional roller coaster"? Perhaps like this:

"Our nation's [put an apostrophe] war effort required sufficient means of handling wounded, traumatized, or emotionally-damaged soldiers returning from the war. Many of these soldiers were on an emotional roller coaster, a condition exacerbated by inadequate medical attention."

Let me know if that helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com
OP pandolfi91 2 / 5  
Mar 9, 2007   #3
Hey, yeah that helps a lot.

I did not think of putting it into two sentences but that really helped.

Thanks a lot.


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