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Jan 30, 2017   #1

My future job back in Nigeria

Greetings to the general house.
Please I need help with this essay before the closing date.
Thank you in advance.

The essay is: Describe your intended plan of study and the kind of job you plan to seek on return to Nigeria (for PG only) (not more than 500 characters)


Here is the Title of Proposed Research:
Holt [Contributor] 1506  
Jan 30, 2017   #2
Okorom, I am not sure how you expect us to help you complete your study plan. You have not written any essay that we can analyze and help you in developing. I hope you are not expecting us to write this essay for you. That is not how this forum functions. You have to write something in order for us to help you. You are the one who is familiar with your career path, necessary academic training, and other requirements of the job and studies that you wish to pursue. Write something, no matter how limited in relation to the prompt. We need a starting point coming from you that can allow us to help you improve the content of your application paper. Since you have a time limited deadline, I suggest you get to work. Like I said, we don't write the essay for you here. We just assist you with finalizing it.
OP giftokorom  
Jan 31, 2017   #3

I, Okorom Chikezie G, write to apply for the Federal Ministry of Education BEA Scholarship Award - 2017/2018 academic sessions. I hold a bachelors degree in Biology Education. As an undergraduate student of Biology Education, I developed interest for Public Health and Medical Parasitology due to the global and societal relevance in solving environmental and health problems and hence the development. My desire for public health and medical parasitology was stirred up during my academic and self made research activities on life and health challenges bewitching man and his environment which also brought me closer to the field of parasitology and their medical importance which thereafter informed my decision to further my academic pursuit by exploring the field of PUBLIC HEALTH AND MEDICAL PARASITOLOGY in which I hope to concentrate on the GLOBAL HEALTH AND INFECTIOUS DISEASES.( Identifying factors facilitating adolescents access to contraception and contributing elements that decreases unwanted pregnancies in rural areas)

At the course of my NYSC program, I was exposed to an environment where there is less or no proper interest on health and lives of the people; this also informed my zeal to pursue this discipline.

On my return to my country Nigeria, I plan working with the Ministry of health or Educational institution where I will invest much in my society through creating health awareness and disease free society that in the next ten years, it would have grown to global capacity with many people especially the students and the youths even the aged would also benefit from it. The relevance of PUBLIC HEALTH in the society cannot be over emphasized. I strongly believe that this field of Public health is sine qua non to the development of any developing nation like Nigeria where the study and exploration of the course is still at infancy stage. I am of the opinion that the under optimization and utilization of health related facts and environmental resources is a vital problem which Nigeria must overcome in order to address all the health, diseases and socio-environmental problems bedevilling her, Hence my decision to study PUBLIC HEALTH AND MEDICAL PARASITOLOGY so as to enable me yield to the need and demand of my fatherland and other countries in the aspect health, global, environmental and risk management by application of the knowledge of Public health and medical parasitology. As a result, I intend establishing a research institute where every research data (especially on global health, infectious disease and environmental data) will be made available for researchers and even students. Subsequently, if need be, on my own I plan to establish a health management consultancy centre for hospitals and related organizations.

Despite the fact that my greatest challenge towards achieving these aforementioned is finance on this note, it is my passionate hope and belief that you will help to facilitate my ambition, dreams and visions by granting me the scholarship.

Thank you so much as I await your positive response.
Holt [Contributor] 1506  
Jan 31, 2017   #4
Okorom, you are being asked to present your plan of study in this essay. Unfortunately, you were not able to accurately present that in this version of your essay. This is not an essay that you can use for this application because it does not present the necessary requirements for the reviewer to consider. When presenting a study plan, you have to first, explain the problem that your country faces that you hope to resolve with the help of advanced studies. So the thesis statement for this study plan needs to properly reflect the problem you wish to resolve. Then, expand on your presentation by indicating the kind of research work that you hope to accomplish while a student at this university. Explain the end result that you hope to achieve by the end of your studies. Then , if applicable, explain the kind of job that this research can help you achieve upon your return to your country. As I am not sure about the applicability of that part of the prompt to your essay, you can decide if that is a necessary part of your essay presentation.

This essay should be presented more in the form of a research proposal rather than this confused format that you currently have going. This is not a formal legal document so there is no need to attest to the content of your essay. Neither is it a statement of purpose so you can avoid that presentation. Follow the format of a research proposal instead. That should work best for this essay.
OP giftokorom  
Feb 1, 2017   #5
since you know it better than i do, can you help me arrange the essay in a format that will convince my audience.
Streetwalker 14  
Feb 1, 2017   #6

Hi Okorom,

While I understand that you maybe panicking since the deadline is coming, you should try do your best to understand the prompt and try to construct the essay according to it. Do your best despite how it come out. I hope the best for your application but if somehow it doesn't passed, you will gain insight of what went wrong, ways to fix it and gradually improve yourself.

Your English is good only few grammar issue that can be worked on later.

If you still have time, try your best to understand Holt's suggestion, it is quite clear of what you should be doing.
Holt [Contributor] 1506  
Feb 1, 2017   #7
Hi Okorom, on the contrary, I can only advice you based upon what I read of your work when you post it here. The one who knows the requirements of the study plan best would be you. You are the one who knows the most about your community and its related health problems. I have already pointed you in the direction that can best help you to come up with a new, more efficient, and applicable study plan. Just like Messal said, my instructions are clear. You just need to take a breath, relax, and clear your head. Try to develop a new study plan using the instructions provided. You really cannot use this current version of the essay even as a foundation for your new essay. You have to develop a new one that better addresses the prompt requirements. You still have time to do this. Just do your best to come up with a new plan. I will still be here to help you review it. You are not alone. I can help you, but you need to try to work this out from your end.
chizy7 14  
Feb 1, 2017   #8
Hello Gift, Holt did a perfect work reviewing the essay you wrote. But this forum is based on making you a better writer more than making your essay better. I believe there is an interview process? And if EF members write your essay for you and you get stuck during the interview trying to reflect on something you did not write, that will be bad for your scholarship.

If you did not get Holts point, let me break it down for you: I believe that when you graduated you did a project and since you are in the public health sector you probably have or sometime read the statistics about the different health issues in Nigeria? You can use that and say: in Nigeria 2,000 suffer from ______ and this is what I will do to bring down the number. I will start by providing adequate health facilities for people living in the rural areas where __________ is endemic.

That is exactly what Holt suggested: this is the problem + this will be my solution for it. I hope that's what you meant Holt?

Follow Holts format and you will produce a better response. Don't rush it, your first or second essay musn't be the one you will submit, write and write and edit and edit till you produce a better response