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pros and cons of cars - developing my essay


nixgnoy 1 / 6  
Feb 19, 2010   #1
Dear ALL

I'v got a question: is it better to get a point ,then develop it, to support the opinion,than to get some points to support the opinion without developing these points in one paragraph?

for instance: topic: pros and cons of cars.
brainstrom: para1 opinion: pros and cons of cars(Background Information)
para2 topic sentence:cars have many pros
point1: convenience;
point2: boosting the development of economy;
point3: enhancing people's standard of living.
para3 topic sentence:however,cars also have many cons:
point1: pollution;
point2: traffic jam;danger;
point3: money-consuming things
contradiction:using clean-energy resources; improving road conditions;
indroducing stricter traffic laws;Money is worth spending
comparing with the happiness that cars bring
para4 conclusion: cars are good

then take the paragraph 2 for example, if I change it into this type:
para2 topic sentence: cars can enhancing people's standard of living.
support1: buying things easily
support2: travel easily
support3: can move to countryside enjoying pleasant environment

so,I'd like to ask u,which one is better? the first one or the last one?
in my view, the first one is a list of points without developing it,covering almost all aspects of the argument but it seems not to discuss the topic deeply.the last one,on the other hand,can discuss the topic deeply,but it seems not to cover all aspects of the topic.It's really a question disturbing me! HELP!

Thank u for ur time to read my letter.
looking forward to hearing from u

Yours Faifully,
Peter

macromarco - / 2  
Feb 20, 2010   #2
In my opinion the second one is better (remember that could be because it suits better my stile...)
What I feel being more effective is to be direct (give the conclusion that you have in mind first).
Then you have the rest of the essay to support your conclusion (providing facts and examples) and at the end you strengthen your conclusion.
hope this helps
OP nixgnoy 1 / 6  
Feb 20, 2010   #3
Dear Marco Nicita
Thank Q very much 4 ur help! According to ur suggestion,I'v written an essay below.Please give me some advice,thank Q very much again!(importance:The words in brackets are those I am not sure whether I should use it to replace the words out of the brackets)

TOPIC:Some people claim that the disadvantages of automobiles are more than the benefits.Do you agree or disagree?( at least 250 words;IELTS for GENERAL TRAINING)

As one of the greatest inventions,automobiles (cars)have been playing a significant role on boosting the development of modern society,giving an incomparable convenience in people's daily life. Although,its drawbacks on environment should not yet be neglected,in my opinion,with some appropriate measures,cars can be our loyal friends.

The reason why many people would desire to own a car could be the fact that cars can considerably improve people's standard of living.Comparing with other transportations,cars' routes are fairly flexible.Specifically(In other words),cars bring people more freedom and happiness.Take camping for example,driving a car can save precious time for people in their journey and,therefore,bring them more enjoyment at the destination where ordinary public transportation such as railway or airplane could hardly reach.Moreover,if it were not for cars,shopping in distance would become difficult,since people nowadays tend to purchase a large amount of groceries for one week's consumption!

On the other hand(Nevertheless),it is undeniable that the exhaust gases emission of cars are extremely detrimental to our living environment.Those waste gases containing countless toxic chemical substances would be absorbed by raining water,which can acidify our limited arable land and lead to the decrease of gain yield.Furthermore,people who inhale the polluted gases are vulnerable to suffer from lung cancer or others fatal illnesses.However,new energy resources in terms of electricity and eco-friendly fuel have been introduced into car engine,which can radically resolve this problem.

In conclusion, cars are of great importance to people's living and recreations(amusement or entertainment),regardless of what social situation people have. With new discovery of energy resources,cars will be increasingly popular in the future.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Feb 20, 2010   #4
You can't say "its" because you are talking about more than one ("cars"):
Although,its their drawbacks pertaining to the environment should not yet be neglected, in my opinion,with some appropriate measures,cars can be our loyal friends.

Specifically(In other words), Cars bring people more freedom and happiness.

Use a semi-colon here:
Take camping for example; driving a car can save ...

Both are good:
On the other hand, it is undeniable that the...
Nevertheless, it is undeniable that the...

With the discovery of new energy resources, cars will be increasingly popular in the future.

:-)
OP nixgnoy 1 / 6  
Feb 21, 2010   #5
thank you very much! :)
Randyhl 8 / 33  
Feb 23, 2010   #6
I am confused on what you are asking. It is alway better to state a strong opinion and support it with lots of evidence. If you are comparing and contrasting cars, take a side. "cars are more beneficial to the community than harmful." prove it. You know what I mean?
OP nixgnoy 1 / 6  
Feb 26, 2010   #7
What I means is that I can hardly put too much points developed in an essay within 250 words(the requirement of the TASK 2 of the IELTS Writting).

I guess what you might confuse is the fact that what these words like "opinion","point","support"refer to,didn't you?

Actually, "opinion" refers to the main view.It's a central idea of an essay.At first,I use "point" to back up the "opinion"; Then,I use "support(support sentence)" to develop the "point".Imaginably,assuming in one paragraph(why is it in one paragraph?That is because a general topic usually contains two sides,"for" and "against",so one paragraph for one side ),if I come up with 6 points covering all aspects to back up my opinion(assuming that my opinion is "for" the topic,and possibly I also think out 3 points to "against" the topic) and I develop each point by using support sentences,the paragraph will be too long.Alternatively,if I separate each point by paragraphing,there will be too many paragraphs.Again,if I remove all the support sentence in order to make the paragraph a suitable size,it will become a list of points.Or,I select one point which is the most important and powerful one to back up my opinion,then,I use support sentences to develop this point.As a result,I get a well-organized paragraph with fully developed point to back up my opinion,but it does not cover all aspects of the opinion.

To be frankly, I really have no idea about that,please help me.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Feb 27, 2010   #8
"opinion" refers to the main view.It's a central idea of an essay.At first,I use "point" to back up the "opinion"; Then,I use "support(support sentence)" to develop the "point".

This is a great way to describe it!
I usually say this:
One essay = one big idea
one body paragraph = one smaller idea

a few body paragraphs plus an intro and conclusion = a whole essay
OP nixgnoy 1 / 6  
Feb 28, 2010   #9
Dear Kevin

Thank you very much! :)

But as far as my question is concerned,would you please give me some suggestions?
( it become a problem since the TASK 2 of the IELTS Writting requires no more than three paragraphs containing contents in terms of "for" and "against" of the topic in main body,in addition to introduction and conclusion)

:)

Yours Faifully
Peter
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Mar 1, 2010   #10
A paragraph is usually around a hundred words or so... that is how I think of it. So this essay will have a brief intro and a brief body paragraph and a brief conclusion.

It is possible to write about for and against in a single paragraph.

Your problem is hard to understand, but I think I do understand it. This is a hard task they are asking of you. You are asking very good, intelligent questions here. Let me try to give an example of an essay that would work:

I used to think I knew how I felt about capitalism. Some people are for capitalism, because it is an important part of human progress, but other people are against it because of its inherent evils. I used to think that capitalism was obviously the best system for a society to use, but the discussion below shows that I am uncertain about the fairness of capitalism.

When I think of how fair capitalism is, I see that it is pure and fair, a set of rules that apply equally to everyone. However, I also see that many people have great power over others because of the circumstances into which they were born, and they have the ability to do terrible things like start big banks that can use predatory lending. Some people are against capitalism, because it makes people have to compete against one another instead of working together. However, most people think this kind of competition is necessary, so they are for capitalism. Now I don't know what to think!

In conclusion, I would like to read more about.... The implications of this discussion are ....

:-)

I am not sure if this example will help you, but I hope it does! Your question is an important one!!
OP nixgnoy 1 / 6  
Mar 2, 2010   #11
Thank you very much! I will take time to analysis it!


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