I need to write a reflection essay for class. But I have a problem. The instructor gave a very broad description of what to do - personal experience, with some "hidden" purpose (thesis statement implied). I had a hard time picking a topic, but finally I choose my college admissions and further freshman quarter. But I can't think of what to start with, and continue also. Plz help if you can.
Greetings!
Think about why you chose your college admissions and freshman quarter. What would you like to say about it? It's obviously an important step in your life and the beginning of a career path that will impact your future. Write about the difficulties you encountered, any surprises along the way, and how you felt as you were going through the process. Getting started is the hardest part, of course, but you might want to begin with something simple but revealing like "I stared at the admissions form and thought, "This couldn't be more confusing if it were in Chinese." Of course, if that's not how you felt, you can substitute your own feelings, but the point is to make it personal, like a story, to begin with, to draw the reader into what you are writing.
I hope this helps!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
Hello! Here's my essay. I have some "heavy" places which I don't know how I should resolve.
One More Voyage
I stared at the admissions form and thought, "This couldn't be more confusing if it were in Chinese." I had launched on a new trip - a trip instigated with the tedious process of registration and admission at the Pierce College and concluded with anxious studying for class exams and finals. I could not possibly fathom everything I would have to go through in order to progress to the position where I am now. But as I grappled my way through the "Name_________, Address________, Phone #_________, etc" I realized that I was about to embark into a life-changing voyage - one that would change my future, crystallize my vocation, and broaden my vistas.
As I was hurled from one office to another, a steady influx of irresistible determination in me increased. I reasoned, "No matter how hard it goes, I am going to get ahead and succeed." Gritting my teeth, I bluffed my way through the rigorous gates of admission and into the corridor of advising. My patience and longsuffering was severely tested as I lingered in the Advising Center many a grueling hour, hoping in vain for my chance to see Mr. Advisor. Then, I was safely guided out of the corridor of advising into the foyer of registration. To my utter astonishment, the classes deemed "Available" by the advisor were regrettably booked. So with dejection in my voice I conceded to be entered into the "Wait List", not knowing exactly what that meant. All I knew was that I had to wait an unspecified period of time for an indefinite opening in my classes. Providentially, I received a call within several weeks which spared my inexplicable apprehension. In that phone call I was notified by a woman with a starchy voice, "Your classes are now available. You may come in to pay." The very next day many visitors cast questioning looks on an enthusiastic young man who approached the Cashiers desk with a spring in his step. In no time I was through with paying the excessive tuition bills, and plunged headlong into locating and securing the appropriate textbooks. By then I had actually began to feel an ironic measure of self-confidence as I navigated through the campus "waters". Nevertheless, as would any explorer I took measures of precaution and preparation. I painstakingly charted my course on the maps of Pierce College; after that I verified the whereabouts of my future classes.
Thus, the eventful beginning of a journey through the deep waters of wisdom and knowledge I heretofore have not ventured to undertake has led and will lead me to a bright and optimistic future.
Greetings!
I'm not sure where the "heavy" places are--I think it is very good! I do have some editing suggestions for you:
I realized that I was about to embark on a life-changing voyage
As I was hurled from one office to another, - Unless someone was throwing you, you weren't "hurled." :-) You may be thinking of "hurtled"; you could say "As I hurtled from one office to another . . ."
I conceded to be entered onto the "Wait List",
Providentially, I received a call within several weeks which spared my inexplicable apprehension. - I don't think your apprehension was inexplicable at all. You might want to eliminate this adjective, or replace it with a more appropriate one.
an enthusiastic young man who approached the Cashier's desk
By then I had actually begun to feel an ironic measure of self-confidence as I navigated through the campus "waters." - You don't really need quotation marks around waters, as you're using an accepted expression; if you do keep the quotes, though, the period goes inside.
Nevertheless, as would any explorer, I took measures of precaution and preparation.
Good work!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
Thank you so much for your editorial remarks. I was at loss from what to start; your sentence really kicked me off. Thank you once again.
BTW, can you edit another one of my papers?
You're welcome! And yes, feel free to post another!
Sarah, EssayForum.com
I had to write a rhetorical analysis for English class. But then I got it back with a horrible grade; the teacher said that had to add more of my thoughts and "rhetoric." But I don't know what to do with it! Can you please help me?
Originally written by David Brooks for the New York Times in 2003, "Love, Internet Style" in this instance was taken from the McGraw Hill Reader (9th edition) by Gilbert H. Muller, pg. 323. This essay has fourteen paragraphs; although not stated, the implied thesis is "The Internet facilitates personal relationships."
The opening statement of this essay is laconic - "The Internet slows things down." Hereby, Brooks establishes his introduction. The following paragraph goes on to expand his first statement. He claims that the online dating process progresses with a slower pace, i.e. people get to know each other better before they get more serious and intimate.
His next claim is summarized by his own words - "For generations Americans had certain courtship rituals." The author proceeds to examine the general progress of traditional courtship - dates, kissing, petting, etc... "But," he asserts, "Over the past few decades that structure dissolved." People found that the Internet can help them establish the relationships they want. To prove his statement, David Brooks presents staggering statistics - forty million Americans each month visit online dating sites. "The online dating scene is like a real estate market..." In the author's opinion, online dating is a transaction or operation, but it also can be very affectionate.
Then the author begins to describe the steps - "It begins with sorting." People search for their date specifying age, education, religious or ethnic background. This way they find the exact date they wish. And, as if a sudden thought stroke him, Brooks reflects on the side effect of online dating - acceleration of social stratification. He underlines the fact that highly educated people are more likely to find each other.
After sorting, people go to the next step - they hunt for dates with "good looks" - physical appearance. This factor, as the author notices, is much more compelling than income. However, the search does not end there - "But there are also autobiographical essays." Online daters compose intellectual articles about themselves telling how they are "sensual yet smart". When writing autobiographies, women on these sites pose themselves very self-confident. One woman on Match.com tells about herself in very expressive terms. Another female implies to the reader that she is just the one you want. Nonetheless, men make most of the contacts; they exchange online correspondence, tell true and false stories about themselves. Besides that, men are the ones that are more likely to be predators. Males request for more photos, in some cases calling females very meaningful names. Women tend to set the pace by responding negatively or positively.
Nearing the end, the author contemplates "... Internet relationships are at least as powerful as relationships that begin face to face." For many the keyboard is a much better source of communication than a traditional dialogue. In many cases, the slower pace of online interaction can be beneficial in the establishment of more lasting relationships. Although the word "love" seldom appears on the webpage, the essence of all online dates is still love...
David Brooks establishes his authority in this essay by presenting the topic in a very authoritative and convincing style. He hardly gives place for doubts by using concrete facts. The author seems very persuasive about this issue of online dating. He establishes a formal setting in which his role as the author is to inform. The writer appears to have studied the subject in depth. He gives a list of different websites that people sort through to find their date. (JDate, EHarmony, Vanity Date) He includes statistics that support his claims. He mentions that about one-fifth of online daters are married men. (par. 11) He also introduces the results of "studies by Katelyn McKenna at N.Y.U. and others" that also reinforce his claim - that Cyberspace relationships are at least as powerful as relationships that begin in the flesh.
But on the other hand, the author seems to criticize online dating. He appears to have an underlying cynicism not noticeable on the surface. His quote "The online dating scene is like a real estate market where people go to fulfill their most sensitive needs" vaguely but unquestionably states his personal beliefs. By calling this process "ruthlessly transactional and strangely tender" he sets himself aside. Furthermore, he states: "The online dating world is superficially cynical." His approach to this subject is not merely informative, but also that of irony.
David Brooks assumes that his audience is not familiar with this new way of courting; thus, he explains the online dating process in detail. But he does not merely inform; he aspires to persuade the reader to uphold his disdain for this ruthless transaction.
Nevertheless, the author does not seem pushy about his opinion. He allows room for other opinions. He is even somewhat optimistic saying "But despite all the class competition, all the marketing, all the shopping around, people connect." And as is if he is scornfully smiling he concludes "But love is what this is all about. And the heart, even in this commercial age, finds a way."
Greetings!
Your writing is very good! The only problem I see is that you inadvertently did not follow the instructions. It shouldn't be that hard to fix. Just go through and insert your opinions about the claims the author makes. For instance: "He claims that the online dating process progresses with a slower pace, i.e. people get to know each other better before they get more serious and intimate." This may be true sometimes; but on the other hand, I know people whose online relationships proceed far too quickly, for example becoming romantic or even sexual before the people have even met. So, there is room there for critique. See if you can find more instances like that, where he makes assertions that are too broad, and put in your views.
I hope this helps!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
Thank you for your time and advise!!!
