Need help putting thoughts onto paper?
Hello, My name is Breanna. I am applying to the diagnostic medical sonography program at my school, one of the many requirements that I must turn in with my application is a one page essay about why I want to be a sonographer. I know why I want to do it but my problem is putting it in words for someone else to understand.
Hey Breanna, just start writing whatever comes to your mind. Make points, which you want to keep in essay and which you want to remove. Go through some essays here on EF or you can even Google them. Submit your draft here and get reviews on your essay, this will let you decide your final draft.
Write about when and how you decided to be a sonographer?
Your experiences and what you expect from your further studies?
What are your short term and long term career goals?
Where you see yourself after this course and what you plan to achieve?
Just start writing. Good luck :)
Would you mind looking at this and suggestions, such as anything I should add, take away or change?
Hello, My name is Breanna Lumpkin. When I grow up I want to be a diagnostic medical sonographer. Before I tell you more about why it is that this is what I want to do I feel like I need to tell you a little about myself. Now I'm not going to tell you my whole life story or anything, but there's something you've got to understand first. I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up, so for me to decide on something it means a lot to me.
I know most kids change what they want to be all the time, but I was a bit more indecisive than most kids. Some kids want to be a ballerina for about a year or so then want to be a princess. In one year I went from navy seal, to architect, to first woman driver in nascar, and even went through a phase that I thought the best thing to be when I grew up was a Canadian. Mom always told me that I couldn't grow up to be a Canadian, that I was American, but it's what I wanted to do at the time. So I guess you can say I've been a bit indecisive.
The one thing I am more than my indecisiveness is stubborn. I am stubborn and when I set my mind to something I'm going to do it. I'm going to work my hardest to get there, with or without help from others. When people tell me I can't do something it makes me want to work harder for it. It makes me want to prove to them that I am stronger and smarter than they believe I am. That being said, now that you know a little more about me I'll start on my journey of how I came to want to be a sonographer.
In my freshmen year of high school, I started having problems breathing. Now when I say I have problems breathing I mean everything from actually having problems inhaling and exhaling, to not being able to catch my breath, to feeling like I wasn't getting enough air no matter how deep of a breath I took. We were in and out of the doctors for two years before they decided it was asthma. Turns out it wasn't, they gave me an inhaler and anytime I used it, it just worsened my breathing. Finally the beginning of my senior year they decided I had three heart problems. Three? Isn't that a bit much for a 18 year old to have?
Anyways the whole three years that it took them to figure it out was awful. It was doctor visit after doctor visit, stress tests, tilt tests, missed school, passing out at band practice, blood tests every time I went to the doctor, and more EKG's that I would have ever liked to have. I had so many X-rays, and CT scans I told my mom what I'd be a superhero soon as much radiation as I was exposed to. The only part of the whole process that I was even somewhat okay with was when I had to have sonograms done on my heart. It was nice and quiet a cool in the room. The sonographer was always kind to me. It showed me what was actually wrong with me, I could see and hear it there on the screen. This is where it all took off.
What really set the ball rolling was when my grandmother went to the doctor one day. She had always had swelling in her leg due to the diabetes, but the swelling got worse and so did the pain. They did a sonogram of her leg that day at the doctors and found something. They went on with testing and found out she had cancer. The woman I thought would live forever, had this awful disease. Now I know a bunch went into this. There were doctors, and nurses and many other people she saw on the way through her journey. The thing that gets me though is that without that sonogram on her leg we would have never knew. We wouldn't have caught it, and while It didn't save her life, It meant that we could spend a little more time with her while they tried to make her better. My grandmother died of cancer my second week of college, but I had that extra time with her all because they found it on that sonogram.
In my 19th year of life on this earth, I decided that that was what I wanted to do. Being a sonographer is what I want to do with my life. To me being a sonographer is putting a smile on a scared little girls face when she's been put through every kind of unpleasant test a doctor can give. Being a sonographer is giving people a chance at life, if I can just find something in time. Being a sonographer is giving a family just a little more time with their loved one.
Maybe I can't change the world by doing this. Maybe my name will not be in the history books. The truth is that none of that matters to me. What matters to me is being a kind person that can make someone's bad day good. What matters to me is finding something that will make a difference no matter how big or small. Finding something that I want to do that will make me happy. I want to wake up every morning and go to a job, not to work. I believe that when you do something you love that you will never work a day in your life. Sonography can be that for me. I want to be a sonographer when I grow up, I want to be something that I can be proud of.
Hey Breanna, great, so we have your first draft here. You wrote pretty well and I hope you won't mind asking you to edit it further. So the reader wants to know you as a student, as a person and professional in terms of sonographer. Though you raised valid information but you need to relate them with certain examples. I am editing it sentence wise. Let me know if you have any doubts.
Hello, ..... first (Not required). I never ....princess( too much info, you can explain it in one line, we want to know about you). ..... navy ..... nascar,.... (This is an interesting part, you can start your essay from this. How you switched careers and how you got hooked into medical sonography. What you learned in all these phases and how you got attracted to your field of study which you didnt found in any of these. )
I would go for the word "determiantion" rather than "stubborn", though they means the same but somehow, "stubborn" can be related to negative things too. So choose "determination" instead and also rather than writing that you are determined, explain it with an example which will automatically show your determining attitude towards career.
In my freshmen .... having difficulties while breathing. By breathing I meant, I were not only able to inhale or exhale properly but not being able to catch my breath easily. I weren't getting ...... Turned out it wasn't, ..... Finally at the beginning ....year they diagnosed me with three.......
.... mom that I'd be a .... The only part that I were comfortable with was having sonograms ............
the diabetes, ...... She came to be diagnosed with Cancer after doctors did the sonogram on her leg and found something suspicious. The woman I .....
Breanna, you are a very talented girl. You clearly showed your passion to become a sonographer. One thing I need to change is though the essay was quite strong but what you can do is add little bit about program. You want to be a sonographer because of your experience. What else can you add here? It was emotional, we need to add some facts what else you expect from the program? Because sometimes sonography comes into place in a later stage, sometimes even sonography fails to diagnose. So saying that sonography will diagnose earlier and save time can not be the only reason we can add here. Then comes the role of screening tests, histopathologic studies. You need to add some more details that why you still choose only sonography. Explore about the program, what it offers and then add here. Write about your academic immediate goals. Let me know :)