Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Essays   % width Posts: 4

hi i'm working on my college essay (my most memorable game)


xxkixzplayaxx 4 / 10  
Dec 31, 2008   #1
i'm working on my college essay and i need help to make/combine these sentences better and shorter(if it's nessesary)

(so these are the sentences that i'm trying to fit in the essay)

One of my most memorable game I had was when we played against Parkville high school. As the face-off time drew nearer, i realized that I was not alone in my trepidations about the game. I looked around the dressing room and for the first time I could remember, I was not greeted with bubbly, almost excited faces full of anticipation. Instead, I saw determination and focus, and almost nervousness in the eyes of my fellow team-mates. The first game against our opponent, Parkville high school lacrosse team, was unexeptable. We, my lacrosse team, were winning by five points after three quarters. We eased off a little bit after we realized how much we were winning by; however, it was a prodigious mistake on our part. The opponent team came back to lead by a point. We thought we had the control of the game, but it turned out that our cockyness(i need a better word) went against us. After that game, our coach and we, ourselves, were disappointed with the result and how we played. So we practiced harder than ever to beat Parkville on a second game. As we were Playing against Parkville, we remembered our first game that we had against them. We passed the ball around, pick up the ground balls, and we, most importantly, did not put our minds off on the game. The final score of the game was 8-7. We have done it.

EF_Constance - / 143  
Dec 31, 2008   #2
One of my most memorable games I had was when we played against Parkville high school. As the face-off time drew nearer, I realized that I was not alone in my trepidations about the game. I looked around the dressing room, and, for the first time I could remember I was not greeted with bubbly, almost excited faces full of anticipation. Instead, I saw determination, focus, and almost nervousness in the eyes of my fellow teammates .

The opponent team came back to lead by a point. We thought we had the control of the game, but it turned out that our confidence went against us.

So, we practiced harder than ever to beat Parkville on a second game.

I would not shorten the sentences unless you had to do so. Do you have a word limit? I would use confidence or something like that instead of cockiness.
mavictoria 4 / 17  
Jan 12, 2009   #3
what have you learned about the game? did you do something to avoid it?
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Jan 13, 2009   #4
One of my most memorable (what kind of) game s I had was when we played against Parkville high school. As the face-off time drew nearer, i realized that I was not alone in my trepidations about the game. I looked around the dressing room and for the first time I could remember, I was not greeted with bubbly, almost excited faces full of anticipation. Instead, I saw determination and focus, and almost nervousness in the eyes of my fellow team-mates. The first game against our opponent, Parkville high school lacrosse team, had bee n unacceptable . We thought we had the control of the game, but...

You can take out all of this material below:
We, my lacrosse team, had been winning by five points after three quarters. We eased off a little bit after we realized how much we were winning by; however, it was a prodigious mistake on our part. The opponent team came back to lead by a point.


Home / Essays / hi i'm working on my college essay (my most memorable game)