Hi there! Thanks for coming to the forum. I'm a contributor - and I hope that my feedback gives you an idea on how to improve your writing.
Your writing is alright, however I do think that you need to focus more on the technical angle of writing. For instance, your usage of appropriate punctuation marks is still lacking throughout, making it even harder to comprehend the rest of the text.
Taking things further, the latter parts of the writing also need to be standardized a bit more. If we take a look at the third paragraph, for example, it is clear that you needed to divide this into three to four different (and definitely shorter) sentences to create something that would appear to be more meaningful.