IELTS WRITNG TASK 1: Attendances at hospital emergency care departments

patients in emergency care hospital

The chart below shows figures for attendances at hospital emergency care departments in Northern Ireland by age group in December 2016 and December 2017.

The bar chart depicts the number of patients, divided into 6 age groups, attending hospital emergency care departments in Nothern Ireland in December 2016 and December 2017.
Overall, there were far more patients who need emergency care in the 75-and-over and under-5-year-old age groups compared to the other. It is also worth noticing that over a year, the quantity of attendances increased by an insignificant number.

Regarding the patients who aged 75 or above, in December 2016, the number of their attendances at emergency care departments was roughly 65 per 1000-population. This grew to 70 people in the same month next year. The hospital visits from under-5-year-old children increased from about 50 in December 2016 to around 54 per 1000-population in December 2017. Both age groups had double cases compared to the remaining groups.

With respect to people between the ages of 5 to 74 years old, it is clear that 5-to-15-year-old age range had the fewest cases at hospital emergency care departments. There were around 20 visits from this age group in December 2016, while in three other age groups, the quantities of sick people attendances were nearly the same, approximately 30 per 1000-population. These numbers experienced a minimal upturn of only 1 throughout the period.

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  Attendances at emergency care departments per 1000-population
  

Moon, there is absolutely no way that you will be able to write 222 words in the exam center. The most you can probably write is 175-200 words owing to the need to review, revise, and finalize the essay content. The editing process should take at least 5-10 minutes of the final part of the allotted essay writing time. If you write too many words, you will run out of time. While you did present only the important information from the chart, you need to learn to write shorter but more meaningful sentences in order to increase your TA, LR, and GRA scores.

Your summary overview is not as complete as it can be. It should contain the following information:
1. Illustration type - Bar chart
2. Years for comparison - December 2016 & 2017
3. Measurement type and other survey considerations - per 1000 population , divided into 6 age groups ranging from under 5 years to over the age of 75.
4. Discussion instructions
5. Trending statement - I do not think you mean to use the term insignificant because that term means too small or unimportant to be worth paying attention to. Perhaps you meant to say "significant" instead? That term means worth of notice or highly important. In which case, you should have given a numerical description of that significant number.

As you can see from the listing, you are missing 3 parts in the presentation of the summary. I am also wondering as to where the information about the measurements coming from Northern Ireland comes from because there is nothing indicating a location in the chart. Therefore, a generic location should have been given as reference. An example of a generic location is "at an undisclosed / unnamed hospital". That makes better sense in terms of TA considerations rather than naming a location that is not in the chart. You are scored on accuracy so if the information is not in the chart, you should not mention it at all.

In the portion where you said that there was an upturn of 1, you need to indicate what that number represents. The reader doesn't have a copy of the chart so you need to explain why you analyzed an upturn of 1. Where did that uptick come from? Complete the analysis of the information in that paragraph.