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any personal or academic matter that may assist admissions committee


joshjosh 1 / 1  
Feb 19, 2010   #1
Please describe, as applicable, any personal or academic matter you feel may assist admissions committee reviewing your application

Each and every one of us was faced with a situation that was emotionally stressful and strenuous. Mine, too, was no exception. In my junior year, at University of XXX, I had to endure the death of my grandmother. For most, death of an old granddad or a grandmother might not be so overwhelming but for me that was not the case because my grandmother was my mother and my father.

My father passed away when I was one year old, and my mother left me for good for her betterment a year later. It was my grandmother who came for my rescue and took care of me until she passed away. If it were not for my grandmother, I would not be here today; I would not be the person I am today. She had a very strong influence on me in my upbringing.

After death of my grandmother, I fell into a grave depression and my grades sharply declined. I got an F and couple D's, but I managed to recover and got to my old form of A's and B's. I cannot completely justify my past failures on my grandmother's death but I can justify loosing someone who you deeply cared for, someone who you loved more than anything in the world is not an easy task. It took me longer than expected to cope with the loss of the loved one. My grandmother used to say, "The past cannot be changed but the future is yet in your powers". I have shown that in my last two semesters by getting better grades than my junior year.

Your feedback is much appreciated
Thanks very much
macromarco - / 2  
Feb 20, 2010   #2
First of all I am sorry for your losses.
However I wouldn't concentrate your entire essay on this topic. I suggest you to choose 2 or 3 different reasons/ideas and to develop them.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Feb 20, 2010   #3
You use some unnecessary words that water down the writing:
Each and e Every one of us has faced with a situation that was emotionally stressful and strenuous. Mine, too , was no exception.

For most some, the death of an old grandparent granddad or a grandmother might not be so overwhelming, but for me that was not the case the experience was _________. It was especially painful for me, because my grandmother was my mother and my father.----- this is an excellent sentence, here.

My grandmother used to say, "The past cannot be changed but the future is yet in your powers".

Excellent!!!
Put that period inside the " marks:
your powers."

...my mother left me for good for her betterment a year later.

well done, this is impressive. I think it will be well-received, and your strength will make you successful. This is some very powerful reflection.
OP joshjosh 1 / 1  
Feb 20, 2010   #4
Thank you so much Marco and Kevin


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