2 essays for 1 App can make you go CRAZZZY!!
Note
So for this essay again my university has given some guidelines such as the essay should start with one particular line. My intended area of specialization in the graduate program in [Department Name] at XXXX University will be in [------------].
Also, they have asked to address a few question in this essay just like in SOP. These questions include.
Describe experiences that have led you to graduate degree like research experience, internship, job etc.
How these experiences have helped you to develop skills for future studies.
Make a connection between your past research experience and your intended research work.
If applicable describe gaps and discrepancies in your studies.
How your graduate study relate to your future career goals.
Academic Statement
My intended area of specialization in the graduate program in Department of Biomedical Engineering at Michigan State University will be in nanomaterials. I believe that high qualifications and comprehensive knowledge is very important to succeed in the present day world. If I walked away from the challenges, my confidence and dignity will be marred and if I desisted to grow I will become even smaller. Being stationary is always the first step to the dawn of the end. I believe that today the only way I can stand out in the world is by pursuing graduate degree from the best school in a leading country.
Science has always been a source of fascination for me since childhood. I completed schooling from my village and scored 86% marks in Higher Secondary School education with Biology, Chemistry and Physics as the major subjects and with that fascination for science grew stronger so, I decided to channel it by pursuing BS (Hons) degree in Zoology from [ University Name]. My favorite subjects during bachelor's studies were Biotechnology and Industrial Microbiology.
Because of financial issues, I took a hiatus from studies and worked as a biology and chemistry school teacher for one year. To me the best spirit of the science is that the fascination for it never grows older or feeble in someone it only grows stronger and I was no exception. So, in order to fulfill my urge I applied for MS Industrial Biotechnology in one of the top institutes in my country, AAA i.e., [University Name]. I was among the top fifteen students who got selected for the program. This program was a perfect choice for me as it offered very interesting courses (Nanotechnology: Concepts and Application, Contemporary Biology & Biotechnology for Innovation) as well as an opportunity to work under the supervision of a highly motivational and notable Professor of [Country name], [Prof. Name]. I graduated from [University Name] at the top of my class with a cgpa of 3.75/4. In order to bear my expenses of Master's studies I worked as an online tutor of Biology and Chemistry. Currently, I have an overall teaching experience of almost 5 years in the field of Biology and Chemistry.
My master's thesis was based on nano-medicine. The main essence of the project was to determine the potential anticancer properties of Diosgenin while using AuNPs as drug delivery vehicle. I did not only provide the evidence for anticancer activity of Diosgenin but also to my surprise that activity was enhanced by almost 18 folds when conjugated with AuNPs. A paper based on these results is submitted in the journal of Journal of Materials Science and Engineering C and is under review. Currently, I am actively working on a project of developing a database for nano-based companies and labs in Europe.
The motivation that burgeoned from the results of Master's project for pursuing PhD was reinforced by alarming rate of cancer patients in my village and lack of effective and economical diagnosis and treatment strategies. So, In future i want to continue my research work in the application of nanoparticles in targeted drug delivery. While doing the literature review for MS thesis, I realized that mechanism of cytotoxicity induced by nanoparticles and their intracellular trafficking is inconclusive. Therefore, as a part of my future research project, I will work to solve this conundrum. Apart from that, i want to extend my knowledge in functionalization of NPs and their application biosensing and imaging. I believe that biomedical engineering which has delivered the technologies like Brain-Machine Interface and Eko-core can provide an ultimate inexpensive solution for effective, efficient and targeted drug delivery for cancer through nanotechnology thus minimizing the side effects inherited with traditional treatment approaches .
As Biomedical Engineering is an interdisciplinary field it does not offer a finite knowledge in one particular field. PhD in Biomedical Engineering will allow me to interact with scientists and researchers from different fields like Biology, Chemistry and Engineering thus, broadening my knowledge. I always feel enthusiastic to participate in group discussions and work with new team members. I consolidate distinct ways to approach the problem to attain the best possible solution in the matter of efficiency. If given an opportunity at XXX University, I will like to associate with and work under the supervision of Professor [1st Prof. Name] and [2nd Prof. name] because of their notable and unmatched dedication to nanotechnology and therapeutics.Following my PhD, I have an ambition to continue playing my part to the efforts for ending sufferings of cancer patients by establishing my own research lab to continue my research work and share my knowledge and enthusiasm for science with highly motivated students and researchers meanwhile collaborating with cancer research centers. I also have a goal to improve the standards of research in my AAA by becoming the part of Higher Education Commission of AAA.
The Ph.D. program in Biomedical Engineering at XXX University would provide me with the research experience required to contribute effectively to my future goals of playing my part to efforts of ameliorating existing cancer treatment strategies meanwhile pursuing my research interests, vanquishing the myopic thoughts of people in my society by being the first PhD holder in my town and to improve the norms of research in my country.
Regards@AGeek
Hi there. Thanks for coming to the forum! I wish you the best of luck in your application. This will be my feedback for your writing.
First and foremost, the first part of the essay is quite alright. I think that what you could have done, however, was to try and insert all of the critical details into the first sentences. I have noticed that you didn't introduce your desired program until the second paragraph. The relaying of information becomes a bit cluttered because of this. Try to move the second paragraph into the first to create a more cohesive essay that'll be more consistent with what you're desiring.
The latter parts of the writing need to be put into proper context as well. If we take a look at the part where you start tackling about your motivation, it appears that you didn't have an organized approach to writing. You jumped from talking about the degree itself and then onto giving out your future goals in relation to the program. I think having a timeline-based sequence to writing would give you the ample amount of time to write without stressing with the writing.
