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addressing a tricky topic-business school essay-Comments welcome.


creation2k5 2 / 5  
Oct 2, 2009   #1
I would like to take this opportunity to explain my unemployed status since april 2007. I moved to America on a H4 or a dependent visa which does not allow me to work here.

I spent considerable time and energy looking for a job and a company that could sponsor my work permit. Through out the process a number of companies showed interest in my profile and were willing to hire me but none of them had resources in place to apply for a work permit. I understand that laws are in place for a reason and therefore, even though it is disheartening, I have kept myself upbeat about the whole situation.

I decided to use this period to do things I have always wanted to do. Inspired by Pablo Picasso and Georges Braque, I tried my hand at cubism and discovered an innate creative talent that I never had the opportunity to express before. I pursued online courses in Intellectual property rights from WIPO and Organizational psychology from Universal classes.These were topics of great interest to me. Fueled by my passion for community service, I worked with the local library helping them out with every day needs. Next, I volunteered with Literacy Unlimited as an English language tutor for non-native English speakers. As a volunteer, I have met people whom I would have not met in my usual personal/professional circle. It has given me a great sense of personal satisfaction as it has strengthened my conviction that every individual in their own way, can significantly contribute in the growth of others in the community. This affirmation contributes to the need to continue to be the person I want to be. I will continue to make a positive difference to the society in any way possible.

I am a self motivated person who always looks for the silver lining in any unfortunate circumstance. My creativity and compassion would be a pleasant addition to the class of 2010. While at --------, I hope to share my experiences and perspectives and also learn through the experiences and perspective of others. My life is richer and my goals are greater because I opened myself to so many new people and ideas.

In closing, I want to emphasize that I believe I am an ideal match for the -------'s MBA program. I possess strong academic background and I am mentally and emotionally ready for the challenge of the course. I will tackle it with all my drive, energy and enthusiasm. If accepted to the program I assure you that I will not let the school, faculty or my fellow students down.

Please accept my thanks for your time and consideration.
EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Oct 2, 2009   #2
You do an able job of explaining your unemployment and describing the valuable things you did with your time in the interim. I love the spectrum of activities and believe this will make you a stronger candidate. Indeed, you might want to add a sentence sketching the span of those activities -- from cubist painting to literacy volunteer work -- to your first paragraph. It might also be a good idea to add an anecdote or example of a person you met to the section discussing your volunteer work.

I'd omit the paragraph that begins "In closing." You've undoubtedly made that belief abundantly clear elsewhere in your application materials. No need to belabor the point here.
OP creation2k5 2 / 5  
Oct 3, 2009   #3
Thank you so much for all the inputs. It makes me a little more confident about the essay. I will work on your suggestion. Thank you again.


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