Admission Form - General Admission Questions

Hi guys,

Any ideas on how to make this any better than this? I really appreciate that. New suggestions are always welcome.

Admission Form
General Section
1. What are the reasons for applying for this postgraduate course or research degree? Please refer to career and personal reasons as appropriate. Indicate how you intend to manage your studies with your other commitments

I need to combine my root knowledge areas of Computing and Information Systems with the Business discipline. My passion to pursue a Masters degree in related discipline dates back to years in my first degree. It's become a manifest to me as I came out with a First class and able to gain International Industrial experience from my first job. I consider the University will provide me an excellent platform to continue my journey. As a competent and capable individual, I'm looking forward to welcome future challenges even more confidently with exposure gained from the Life and Education.

[Kasun]I feel that my answer to the question how to manage your studies with other commitments is weak. Please give me some tips to grow this answer.[/Kasun]

2. How will you benefit from a postgraduate course or research degree at this time?

I came to a junction in my career voyage, this course will provide me enough strength to choose the right way. I have posses more than one year industrial experience in IT Industry, I wish to pursue a Masters Program in IT & Strategic Innovation with Management Studies to augment and sharpen my technical skills along with the Management skills. I consider this course will be the next step to boost my career prospects. The skilled IT personnel will generate more competitive advantage in the businesses, and the likelihood will be increased when there are individuals who aware the behaviour of Business.

3. How might this postgraduate course or research degree fit in with your career plan over the next 5 years?

I need to become a next generation Information Systems manager who can make use of the Innovative Technologies towards the growth of the business and identify potential business opportunities. I'm anticipated to gain all odds thrown by the program to invest in the future. This course will reflects the skills relating to the IT and Strategic Innovation, therefore this investment will be evidently rewarding me in the coming years.

[kasun]Please notice that the length of the answers seems to be less, because this is not exactly an Admission Essay and I have write according to the space provided by them in the Application Form. Thanks[/kasun]

"I came to a junction in my career voyage, this course will provide me enough strength to choose the right way. I have posses more than one year over a year of industrial experience in IT Industry"

Edit: Try to avoid beginning to answer the question with " I need ".

I need to combine my root knowledge areas of Computing and Information Systems with the Business discipline.

My passion to pursue a Masters degree in related discipline dates back to years in my first degree. What does this mean? Clarify this sentence.

It's become a manifest to me as I came out with a First class ...
do you mean you were first in your class?

I consider the University will provide me an excellent platform from which to continue my journey.
As a competent and capable individual, I'm looking forward to welcoming future challenges even more confidently with exposure gained from thelife and education.

I have come to a junction in my career voyage, and I feel that this course will provide me enough strength to choose the right way.

I have posses more than one year of industrial experience in IT Industry.

The skilled IT personnel will generate more competitive advantages in the businesses, and the likelihood will be increased when there are individuals who aware of the behavior of business.

This paragraph really says nothing of how you personally, will benefit.

My goal is to become a next generation Information Systems manager who can make use of the Innovative Technologies towards the growth of the business and identify potential business opportunities.

"I'm anticipated to gain all odds thrown by the program to invest in the future."
This sentence (above) is very unclear.

This course will reflects the skills relating to the IT and Strategic Innovation, therefore this investment will be evidently rewarding me in the coming years.

Fix up these things and repost for more fine tuning.

:)

Thanks Ummer and Kevin for your clear guidance. Would you Please Review my re-post if you got a chance. Thanks again.

Admission Form
General Section
1. What are the reasons for applying for this postgraduate course or research degree? Please refer to career and personal reasons as appropriate. Indicate how you intend to manage your studies with your other commitments

My passion to pursue a Masters degree in related discipline dates back to years in my Bachelors degree. I wish to combine my root knowledge areas of Computing and Information Systems with Business discipline. It's become a manifest to me as I proudly achieved a first in my degree and able to accumulate International Industrial experience as a Software Engineer. I consider the Kingston University will provide me an excellent platform to continue my journey. I am planning to take a career break for full time studies and with no other commitments, looking forward to welcoming future challenges even more confidently with exposure gained from the Life and Education.

2. How will you benefit from a postgraduate course or research degree at this time?

I wish to pursue a Masters Program in IT & Strategic Innovation with Management Studies to augment and sharpen my technical skills along with the Management skills. I consider this course will be the next step to boost my career prospects. The skilled IT personnel will generate more competitive advantages in the business, and the likelihood will be increased when there are individuals who aware of the behaviour of Business. I'm anticipated to satiate my interests in this field and my quest for knowledge.

3. How might this postgraduate course or research degree fit in with your career plan over the next 5 years?

My ultimate career goal is to be a next generation Information Systems manager who can make use of the Innovative Technologies towards the growth of the business and identify potential business opportunities. This course will reflect the skills relating to the Strategic Innovation and associated Business Management modules will expand my knowledge horizon, therefore this investment will be evidently rewarding me in the coming years.

The sentence above does not accomplish anything.. better leave it out. Reader are impatient.

This is reall impressive, but... some of it is TOO GENERAL!! ---> My ultimate career goal is to be a next generation Information Systems manager who can make use of the Innovative Technologies towards the growth of the business and identify potential business opportunities.

Thanks Essay Forum. Thanks Everybody for sharing the knowledge.