First question, what is the format of essay? 1 or 2? either or neither?
1) Personal statement
Date:XXXXXX
Name:cocomocha
School want to apply:HEC
Course want to apply: Msc in...
body of essay
2)Dear Sir/Madam
body of essay
your sincerely
cocoamocha
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2nd question, please review my essay and give some advices,thanks!!
I am non-english speaker, essay might not be written in idomatic ways, please point out..
I have been hoping and planning to pursue a business Master for the past three years since graduating from Nanyang Polytechnic in Year 2005. I successfully graduated from University of South Australia with Bachelor of Engineering in Mechanical and Manufacturing Engineering with Honours in August,Year 2008. I believe it is mature moment for me to make a great foundation for a career in finance after three years working experience and strong engineering academic background.
...
Essay style one is the correct essay style. If you want to include a cover letter, then start with the second style.
I have been hoping and planning to pursue a business master's degreefor the past three years since graduating from Nanyang Polytechnic in Year 2005. I successfully graduated from the University of South Australia with bachelor's degree in mechanical and manufacturing engineering with honors in August of 2008. I believe it is a mature moment for me to continue the great foundation for a career in finance after three years working experience and strong engineering academic background.
The great interests of finance and strong desire to pursue a career in finance industry motivate and support me come along the way. I believe the program in HEC can provide me invaluable business knowledge and skills, which will be most beneficial as I embark the career I planned three years ago.
I am benefited from the polytechnic anduniversities' diverse syllabus content, which have given me a comprehensive exposure to engineering disciplines and provided me strong logical analysis and mathematics training. Various supplementary business programs provided me great opportunities to learn business disciplines. Business concepts and methodologies, which used in engineering aspects, made me curious to engage in these interdisciplinary field study. Then, I aimed at business process analysis and development in manufacturing company as my final year project topic.
During my previous three years working period, I was never far away from business and finance, these two words . I was totally immersed in a strong business academic atmosphere when I worked as program executive in Nanyang Business School. The splendid lectures given by those intelligent professors enlarged my understanding and vision in business disciplines and confirmed my determination to have career in finance. Later, I had lots of chances to practice and experience in real business world in TRANE as a assistant sales engineer. My position required not only engineering technical knowledge ,but also strong business sense and skills, great teamwork and excellent communication skills. Although there were lots of problems faced everyday, it is joyful to see that lots of new customers were willing deal with me and became my regular customers after problems I conquered each time. Through the challenges and difficulties , I have grown into an even more confident and respected person than before.
In the future, I intend to become a successful financial analyst, who learns to combine strengths in the various disciplines in order to solve the diverse dimensions of real-life practical problems of finance industry. I believe that the program will provide me the strong skills, which largely benefit me to stand an advantage position in future career paths. My short-term goal is to obtain the chance to engage in this master's degree of science in managerial and financial economics program. Regarding the long-term goal, although it's difficult to predict things far into the future, I clearly know what direction I desire to develop toward. After joining the financial industry, I would like to become the top financial analyst and expert whom others rely upon . I have fully prepared to take any challenge and responsibility that might be presented in the long term.
Really appreciate your helps.
I would like to know how you rate this essay?
Is it bland or hard to attract adminssion staffs in uni?
Want to have some advices..
It is definitely informative about you, but I didn't get a huge "WOW" factor out of it. I would probably rate this a 7/10. It was great, but was lacking that spark that will make you irresistible to your college choices. I know that you will ask, "What will make my essay shine?" For that question, I simply do not have an answer. The best advice I can give is to tell the college what makes you completely different from every other applicant.
GOOD LUCK
