Personal Statement for Msc Business Analytics
After devoting quite some time for crafting my essay, I think it's time to go public. Can anyone offer me some ideas and evaluation about my essay?
I see a vision of 40 year old of myself, standing on the podium of the xxx House of Representatives to present an actuarial annual statement of how xxx social security program is uplifting millions of the general population who is classified as poor under international poverty line and bringing closer the financial discrepancy between the poor and the rich. The career vision to work for public good has always been instilled in me and the pursuit of making a concrete difference in others' lives in fact has been a goal of mine.
The actuarial model of the social security valuation relies heavily on empirical methods and advance statistics analysis. As such, my future responsibility will embark on an extensive research in both technical aspects and the financial backbone in order to assure the soundness of social security financing. The multitude aspects in social security will require me to build a thorough conceptual knowledge in both advanced analytics and mathematical modelling. All the aforementioned reasons prompt me to pursue a master's degree in Business Analytics at xxx.
My research alongside the feedback from the alumni constitute my personal conviction that this master's program is the best graduate study that suits with my long term career aspiration. Looking at the courses offered, I find statistical models and data analysis as well as information retrieval and data mining as the classes that are intriguing most to me. As an actuary, I believe that these classes would provide me with thorough knowledge, both critical understanding and conceptual thinking, in data mining and predictive model. Additionally, I am also very impressed by the way xxx offers a conceptual thinking when approaching a problem rather than teaching their students on addressing specific issues, and this is a key differentiator for me. Not mention, a perfect combination of top-notch education, witnessed by first rank achievement for computer science subject in xxx, and high level of support from the industry through the xxx Big Data Institute in which is a fundamental asset for education quality and the applied project work. All these determinants accentuate my endeavour to fully making use of different class materials, research project, and interaction with distinguished fellows -- all of which offer me with boundless possibilities for novel discoveries and enjoy the joy of research.
Academically, in the penultimate year of my study I have been named as one of the Actuarial Development Scholarship recipient, awarded only to two people per year, for my academic potential and research interest. With the support given by the scholarship, I managed to finish the semester xxx with the Dean's List for outstanding academic achievement and to secure a research position in an xxx Insurance company. During the invaluable time of doing research, I was enamoured by the prudent use of mathematics to assess security level of the company's solvency. This has given me insight on how mathematics model could tackle such financial problems in a compelling fashion. At the time I graduated, I have passed all the necessary courses to have a credential as an associate actuary and be the first student who achieved this milestone. Outside academics, I was also a basketball player, regularly playing as a center for the Mathematics student team by which during two amazing years, our team finished a first place in the second league of the campus basketball season and certainly managed promotion, while in the next year our team become a first winner of the premier division.
At work, one of my significant past achievements drew on my natural ability to become a problem solver. Recognizing a compelling hurdle in delivering faster customer response time, our team decided to develop a computer based solution of xxx by the use of VBA Excel. On the project management side, I was responsible to organize several meetings which include insurance sales executive and underwriting team into pairs to brainstorm the current challenges. During a series of these meetings and consultations, I repeatedly cultivated ideas of making single tool for all separated functions and garnered our colleagues' perspective in which tremendously help to draw the interest of all divisions on this project's various benefits and to make smooth transition into a new work process . On the technical side, I led a team in designing the user-interface form, embedding underwriting criteria as well as actuarial technical price calculation, and developing VBA code to enable multitude functions of these end-to-end streamline business process. Eventually, all the team members' hard work paid off, my team successfully implemented this program that could reduce the turnaround time of producing an auto car insurance policy from 20 minutes to a mere 5 minutes. More importantly, the design of such user-friendly tool is able to draw the interest of the related professionals to use it on regular basis and instantly gained an approval from top management. At the end of the year xxx, our project was named as the first winner in xxx Award and I have been rewarded to get a promotion to be an Assistant Manager.
With well-rounded academic achievements and diverse professional experiences, I am positive that pursuing a further education at xxx will undoubtedly be a valuable investment and I am certain to attain success in my studies with which will open the door to achieve my lifelong passion to serve my country as the xxx social security's actuary.
When you skim over your collegiate achievements, there is no need to mention that you play basketball and that your team won a competition. It is unnecessary as it is not required information for a statement of purpose. Delete that part in order to keep the focus of the essay on the required parts. When it comes to your professional credentials, you need to mention how long you have been working in this profession already and then indicate the length of time you have served in your current capacity in particular. That is necessary information that will help the admissions officer judge as to whether you have the professional service experience to merit the need for higher studies. Place that vision of yourself as a 40 year old at the end of the essay. Make it serve as your closing paragraph as placing it at the beginning does not really provide the immediate information required which is the purpose for your masters degree application.
