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"an analogy to Product Lifecycle Management" - my sop for industrial engineering


kk180587 1 / 1  
Dec 29, 2010   #1
Dear Friends, I am applying to US universities for fall 2011, pls give your comments and suggests to improve the sop. Thanks in advance

As an analogy to Product Lifecycle Management, Knowledge cycle also needs some triggers every now and then to give directions on the path to tread. One such trigger was the optional subject " Technical Drawing" in school; I opted, which acted as a launch pad to engineering career with its curriculum entailing machine drawing and projects in machine shop. How proud I was making my own clamping fixture and a wooden treasure box and see them transcend from 2D to 3D! This started my interests in machines and gadgets with which we spend most of our time. I thereby opted for vocational subject Electronics in my higher secondary college to get acquainted with the basics and working of electronic gadgets and devices we use daily.

Impromptu, I decided to pursue a career in Production engineering through which I could contemplate theories, understand processes, simulate ideas and learn management techniques to manufacture cost effective products. The coursework in Mechatronics, Engineering Design, Machining science and Process Engineering & tooling acted as foundations to my interests in new product development. My undergraduate school stressed on application-oriented study so we were encouraged to participate in Industry sponsored competitions. During working in these process control, fabrication, automation quagmires, I stubbled upon factory automation videos of a Honda Car manufacturing which captured my imagination and have intrigued me to think beyond conventional processes. In my employment in pumps industry that warrants mass production, I have wondered how assembly automation would speed up the process to cater to heavy market demand.

Exposure to industries created a forum to practice the theories learnt. Through my engineering project in xxxxxx I learnt the nascent stages of product design to develop prototypes of new locks with PROE mechanism module and rapid prototyping. The testing of the locks in accordance with British standards made me acquainted with durability testing, stress analysis and corrosion tests. Later, an integrated job profile in product development of pumps in xxxxx with responsibilities ranging from design review to production planning of a new series of pumps called xxxx. This provided me an opportunity to use tools like DFMA to refurbish design by working on tolerances without denigrating the performance targets for the pump. Since the company has undertaken six sigma methodology to improve processes, I used them for making a robust core design and creating a process map for casting of diffusers in foundry. In totatlity, I was able to decrease the takt time by 30%. But as former President of India said, "Science is borderless", there is always scope to improvement. This experience has helped me in honing my abstract reasoning skills, use CAD software and analytically create manufacturing systems that would sustain in years ahead. The industrial experience also allowed me to unlearn the knowledge acquired and apply myself to new product development.

Your university provides me with top quality industrial engineering department in research and education. The state of art Mechatronics lab, product development cell and expert faculty which supports interesting projects;emphasis on life and social sciences;breadth of experience in systems modeling and analysis is a major attraction for me.

In future I would like to give back to the society by not only making technologies accessible and cost effective but also in a way that it acts as a tool to social upliftment. I have been involved in education for all campaign in college which acted as channel of technology transfer to school kids in my country. Therefore, I have been drawn to your university that provides me access to the latest technological advances. In pursuit of doing further research in....I am aware of the devotion and scientific thirst required to pursue course in your university for which I consider I have the necessary temperament.I earnestly request the admission committee to consider my application for the Fall 2011 semester.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 2, 2011   #2
triggers every now and then to give directions on the path to tread.

I think the word triggers is wrong, because triggers do not give direction. How about using the word "clues"...

And how about writing 'correct path to tread..."

The state of art Mechatronics lab, product development cell and expert faculty which supports interesting projects;emphasis on life and social sciences;breadth of experience in systems modeling and analysis is a major attraction for me.

All this stuff is too general to be meaningful. It cannot affect the reader in any signinficant way, because it does not actually say anything specific that could not be said about a dozen other schools.

However, by the time I get to that sentence I almost do not even notice that it is a weak sentence, because I am so impressed with the way you carried me along through your story. You wrote very clearly and intelligently, and you absolutely do impress the reader as a serious student, already very knowledgeable, and definitely worthy of every opportunity. I think this is going to be a winner!
Codric - / 17  
Jan 2, 2011   #3
Hey there,

You have a good foundation for your essay, and you don't seem to be lacking anything that admissions wouldn't like. In addition, your vocabulary fits into the set without seeming to be There are, however, a number of fractured sentences that will detract from the rest of your essay.

Try not to overuse "I" and "me", and remember to add some voice into your essay.

After that, you should be set!
Cameron
OP kk180587 1 / 1  
Jan 2, 2011   #4
Thanks kevin..ill correct errors you pointed out ...should i add my extracurricular activities in the sop too?..as it has been highlighted in my resume and recos I obtained from my profs...

@codric

Thanks..ill work on the fractured sentences..itll be helpful if you could give some examples so that i can add voice to the essay...


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