Hi Guys,
Below is my essay for short term goals, long terms goals and why this MBA. Please let me know your thoughts and comments as I am planning to send it in the next couple of days. Any feedback will be appreciated. Thanks.
- VS
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In a country with severe health issues - the highest TB prevalence in the world, over 1.5 million children dead each year before their first birthday and nearly 500 million lacking sufficient nutrition - I aspire to transform my family owned healthcare firm, AAAA, into a global sustainable social enterprise providing cost-effective healthcare solutions. BBBB School of Business, priding itself on building leaders who drive changes in the community, is the ideal place for me to acquire the skills necessary to achieve my vision.
AAAA is one of the largest manufacturing facilities for herbal products in India, with an annual turnover of over 4 million USD; and caters to all major Indian pharmaceutical companies and exports to more than 21 countries worldwide, including the US. To realize my vision of creating a better tomorrow, I envision expanding its outreach by creating a unified brand featuring a wider product portfolio in the herbal medicines segment and foraying into the allopathic medicine and medical device segments. I aim to create a truly global brand by expanding its geographical footprint to unexplored developing markets, which present promising prospects of sustainable growth. Through strategic collaboration with large retail chains such as Walmart and CVS, I endeavor to lower distribution costs and increase accessibility to cost-effective solutions. At BBBB, I hope to showcase ideas for my vision and have them intellectually challenged by a class with differing perspectives and experiences.
Working as a management consultant at ZZZZ for the past 2 years, I have got the opportunity to work on intricate issues faced by large pharmaceutical sales forces, specifically in sales and operations strategy. Through sustained client interactions and rigorous trainings, I have gained strong insights into the market dynamics and functioning of the healthcare industry in US. But to lead and shape my family business, I need to broaden the scope of my expertise in other critical organizational challenges in areas such as finance, marketing, information technology and strategy. A BBBB education would provide me the opportunity to make tangible impact to my business through decision making that is grounded in complete business fundamentals.
The consulting environment at my current job has provided me with an intellectually stimulating platform where I have utilized my analytical skills to aid business decisions. Working across clients and projects, I have begun to understand and observe similar underlying business issues. As I grow comfortable with the problem set offered at ZZZZ, I want to step out of my comfort zone and take up other diverse intellectual challenges. At BBBB, I hope to engage with faculty and classmates in a collaborative learning environment where ideas are debated and independent thinking is encouraged, through a combination of intellectual and practical challenges.
BBBB's experiential curriculum in social entrepreneurship with classes such as the New Venture Lab and the Social Entrepreneurship Lab would accelerate my ability to transform my vision into reality. BBBB's creative teaching style cultivates and promotes an environment for independent thinking, which is essential for business leaders and aspiring entrepreneurs. Also, its student services and alumni support for entrepreneurs would be beneficial in my endeavor. I would enjoy collaborating with other motivated students driven for social improvements by getting involved in the Net Impact Club on campus. Lastly, the support and skills education provided by The Center for Entrepreneurship would put me a step closer to accomplishing my goals.
I am confident my strong analytical abilities and leadership background fits well with the school culture and BBBB Full-Time MBA program suits my developmental priorities. Through my sense of independence, valuable experiences and strong values, I would make a lasting and distinct contribution to the (BBBB's city) community.
Very well written essay!! The only areas where I would suggest you need to improve is where you talk about how school BBBB will help you. What you have written is very generic, it can be any school. You need to show why you need to go to school BBBB specifically. So whereever you have written about how an MBA will help you, you should find out what are the courses, lecture series, etc that specifically address your limitations.
All the best!
Hello Vishwas,
Your essays are good grammatically. Everything really does flow well and I would only advise you to make a few changes namely "Working across clients and projects." I am sure you are not literally working across clients or projects so you should change this. Aside from the almost great grammar, there is one glaring problem that I have with your essays and I am sure the Adcoms will have with your essays. You say that you have worked as a consultant for the past 2 years, but you want to lead your family business. You do not talk at all about anything you have done so far for your family business. Most Adcoms will see your essay as being concocted and unsubstantiated. Why do you want to lead your family business? Have you interned there? Have you worked there? What are some major flaws? Tell us about an impact or failure you lead or witnessed at your family's company. All great MBA programs have Centers for Entrepreneurship, what makes BBBB stand out? We can certainly help turn this waitlist essay into an accepted one-admissionsessayadvice.
Hope This Helps.
admissions essay advice
Appreciate the quick replies.
Regarding the first point, I have actually worked across clients and projects - consulting :)
Your second point is very insightful, I obviously hadn't thought of it that way. This essay has a word limit of 600 and I am already exceeding that slightly, so which are the section you feel I can chop off without losing the essence of my message? I figure a couple of lines about my contribution to the family business would substantiate my goals?
Regarding your third point, I again run into the problem of word limit.
Thanks in advance.
- VS
Hello,
You don't work across clients unless you are laying in their laps while working. You work across different client segments or work across from clients etc...
For your second point, you really do not need to talk about your current job that much. Just state briefly, the skills you have learned and how you would apply them to the MBA program and your family business. -admissions essay advice
Hope This Helps
