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Applying for Master of Management in Finance to pursue a future career as a financial consultant

godstar 1 / 1  
Jun 30, 2019   #1

Statement of Intent

Hi all, I am planning to apply for Master of Management in Finance in University of Melbourne, and this is my statement of intent for applying.

Your advice and correction would be very much appreciated in order to sharpen my statement of intent, as I admit that English is not my native language and I might make some grammatical mistakes (or other mistakes) in this statement of intent. Thank you in advance for your help!

As someone who wants to pursue a future career to be a financial consultant, lecturer, researcher and writer, learning how to create added value for a business in order to grow and also a good financial management to make a businesses sustainable, has always been a very interesting thing for me. I am passionate to learn how to apply financial management in real business cases and also not only for big corporate like whom most of big consulting firm work for, but for small and medium enterprises as well, as the financial literacy is still low in my country, Indonesia, which is still a developing country in South East Asia. Unfortunately, there is limited opportunity in my country to undertake graduate course that focused in finance, and my basic knowledge from my undergraduate study in Management is too general to be a financial consultant. Therefore, I am very interested in studying Master of Management in Finance program from Melbourne Business School ("MBS"), one of the best business schools in the world and the best business school in Australia, with the best Finance study in Australia and 16th in the world.

To become a good financial consultant, the common business theories which are usually told in regular class will surely not be enough to solve our client's problem and we have to understand the application of finance into the real business practices. Therefore, I'm really interested to study in Master of Management in Finance in MBS as this program have consulting project as one of its curriculum for its students to provide an experience and knowledge of how to apply the theories in a real business circumstances. Moreover, the modules provided by MBS already cover financial as well as business and commerce areas. The most interesting courses for me are Financial Management, that provide the tools necessary to enable business to make the core decisions faced by managers and investors. Overall, this program will certainly support my future career as a financial consultant who has a big role to utilize the right tools, analysis, and experiences to produce the appropriate financial decisions in order to create a better value in their business in various financial or business aspects such as revenue, pricing, and other enterprises value added decision.

Speaking on my experiences, working as a transfer pricing consultant in one of the biggest consulting firm in the world, Ernst & Young, has certainly broaden my knowledge in various industries, and also how to analyse the company, market trends, functions, assets, and risks in order to evaluate the right pricing strategy for intercompany transactions. I regularly do data collecting from Oriana database to find comparable companies and financial data and also Thomson-Reuters to find a market interest rate for some periods, in which from those data we can evaluate or formulate pricing strategy that is an arm's length for a company. Those experiences and knowledge of various industries I have handled can be some insightful practices in doing economic and financial analysis which is an art to apply analysis practices for different industries according to their respective unique circumstances.

Overall, I have a high motivation to pursue study in Master of Management in Finance to improve my skills, also my experiences and passion makes me believe that my competencies in this field is worth to develop in order to bring a positive contribution to the business and economic growth in Indonesia.
Balocating 1 / 1  
Jun 30, 2019   #2
HI! I'm a newbie here. Few of the things I noticed:

make a businesses or make a businesses sustainable
told in a regular class
Financial Management, that which provide ...
has certainly broadened my knowledge
formulate a pricing strategy
motivation to a pursue study

Thank you and best of luck!
Maria - / 1,098 389  
Jun 30, 2019   #3
Hi there!

Firstly, revise your first sentence. From the get-go, you were presenting quite a baffling structure because of the composition of your texts. Try sticking with simpler, non-complex structures as this will help you relay the information you are gathering more efficiently. These lengthy forms will not be beneficial for you because they cannot contribute specifically to your content.

Secondly, be cautious of the grammatical nuances that are supposed to be followed in your written accounts. Refer back to your English reference texts as much as possible in order to help you be properly guided. You had sporadic mistakes throughout your writing.

Watch out for your punctuation and preposition usage.

Lastly, try structuring the latter parts of your essay (before concluding everything) with short-term and long-term goals. When you're applying for these upper degrees, remember that evaluators always seek to see how your values, goals, and aspirations specifically fit into the program you're applying for. This will improve your chances.

Best of luck in your application.

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