Hey guys, as graduate school application are ongoing.... I wish for you to critique my essay for Washington University in St. Louis. This is my letter of intent. Applying for graduate program for architecture...
This is the prompt:
Using a minimum of 300 words, please submit a succinct, articulate written statement of objectives for graduate study that includes information pertinent to your work and goals. In the statement, include information about your preparation, motivation and ambition as it relates to our program(s). The Personal Statement is used by the Graduate Admissions Committee to understand your ambitions and objectives and to also understand the clarity of your thinking in writing
Essay:
My aspiration of becoming an architect came to be when my family and I moved from Florida to Nicaragua. I was of age five, and from the moment I landed, I could not help to feel the need, and desire to help the people of what was now my country. Nicaragua being the second poorest country in the Western Hemisphere holds a population in which more than half of it lives in poverty, and rural conditions. As a child I was constantly reminded of the needs of the people of my country, and have been involved in volunteer activities, that include feeding the poor, tutoring in rural public schools, and served as a translator for the USNS comfort organization.
As the first of my family to fulfill higher-level education, and a single mother of a now a six-year-old, I have constantly gone through hardship to accomplish my desires of becoming an architect. Living in Nicaragua for fourteen years of my life, opened my eyes to what career path I wanted to pursue; one that is not just what I would be doing for a living, but my way of living. The people of Nicaragua go through daily hardships; that most of us do not have conception of, from looking for a place to live, to earning a few cents to feed their families. Children go to dumps to find food, and some materials, including plastic and sticks, to build their own shelter.
The architecture I seek to explore is not just about aesthetics, it's about creating a culture, one that is aware of the environment, one that acknowledges and understands how basic needs can be satisfied, and sustained. My passion for the people of Nicaragua and my culture lies not only in my principles as a human being, but by furthering my education. Through this point in my architectural studies, I have acquired knowledge of urban environments, as well as rural understanding. Specifically, I enrolled in a study abroad trip to Mexico, which consisted of the understanding of poetics of climate and construction. Through the explorations of construction, and place-making design specific to culture and climate, I was able to gain the knowledge and the inspiration to assist rural communities in Nicaragua.
As an addition to my educational interests, I have also been a part of a non-profit organization which focuses on building facilities, which provide the community of Jiquilillo, with schools and clinics. The constructions of these centers not only assist the community with basic needs such as health care and education, but also create awareness to a sustainable environment. Several of these projects involve the use of recycled materials, specifically a school built from recycled plastic bottles, which are filled with sand, and layered with cement. Another building technique employed for the clinics was the use of shipping containers as main envelope, which were then conditioned accordingly to fit the needs of the clinic uses. In this same way I look forward to addressing the needs of the community of Nicaragua, by becoming part of an organization called "Un techo para mi país" ("a roof for my country"), this will allow me to explore possibilities for affordable sustainable design, in which awareness in sustainability and the built environment are fostered.
With a forward-thinking attitude, dedication, and my sole passion for architecture, I intend to fulfill my dream of completing my Master's in Architecture at WashU Sam fox School of Design. The curriculum at WashU is not limited to a specific approach towards architecture, but will enable me to continue my explorations in sustainable design and affordable building techniques, that I can eventually undertake as an Architect servicing the people of Nicaragua. As a prospective graduate student at WashU I hope to explore courses in material and environmental systems, as well as building systems,; these will allow me to focus my education on issues such as improving quality of living in third world countries.
Hi, I am an architect and will apply at university in a foreign country soon, unfortunately i cannot tell you that you writing is unappropriate.
But, from my own perspective, it seems that the first half of this writing is redundant.
To my mind you should mension only related to architecture field's information, not your background in Nicaragua.
For example, when you first start to draw or your favorite buildings.
In addition you can describe better your own portfolio :your responsibilities, and ideas.
I would like better your writing if you will use architectural words.
Good luck.
