Hey guys
I am trying out for the aerospace department. A review will help a lot :)
There's no actual promt, so I assumed a general guideline.
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The Wright Brothers at the dawn of the twentieth century gave birth to the applications of one of the most complex yet intriguing disciplines of science, that of aeronautical engineering. And a few decades later, astronautical science saw its first practical employment. Since then humanity has profusely endeavored to enhance our knowledge of the skies and beyond. I hope to be an integral part of this endeavor and to actualise contributions to these disciplines is my ultimate aspiration and belief.
I realized my immense interest in aeronautical science when I was researching for the Pilot's Aptitude Test (PAT) conducted by the Indian Air Force during my 12th grade. This gave me an introduction to basic flight physics, navigation systems, Aircraft constituents and other basic knowledge. I went on to pass the PAT with a top grade though failure in the physicals impeded my selection. Consequently this led me to take up Mechanical Engineering in XXX , known to possess one of the best ME departments in India, where I have persisted to achieve a high departmental ranking every semester.
As I entered my department I was introduced to the immense scope of Mechanical Engineering and during the first three years I persevered to understand all the branches of this discipline. After my fourth semester I secured an Internship at YYY, myself and my batch mate being the only two undergraduates to have ever done so. I worked under the Chief Engineer, Mr A, in the Ocean Faring Search And Rescue Tug, ZZZ, who instructed us on propulsion mechanics, navigation and emergency systems in naval vessels. The practical exposure provided by the high security environment, high pressure situations and communication with teams of engineers at different departments under such situations and practical and technical engineering experience instilled in me a strong technical base for my continuing education.
Right after my fifth semester, I gained a technical project in AAA. AAA is endowed with the responsibility of assembly of the train units for all the BBB projects in India. At the time, their jigs were designed for an older project and our team was asked to redesign it for the new CCC project which AAA was to undertake. My team provided them with designs for converting their present jig to accommodate the new designs which obviated the need for buying a new one, resulting in AAA saving an estimated One hundred thousand dollars, the cost price of the jigs involved. This project gave us pragmatic experience on how to handle industry concerns and technical knowledge on Design, Tool, and Material Engineering. It also gave man an oppurtunity to understand leadership qualities and the importance of time management.
Now in my final year, I decided to renew and concentrate on my old passion, aerospace engineering. I am currently involved in two projects, the first one being a Material Science/Aeronautical research project under Dr. B, one of my lecturers and a renowned academician in the field of material science. We are currently analyzing the constituency and the properties of a new composite recommended to us by DDD, and evaluating its implications in the aerospace field with the purpose of utilizing this new material in the EEE Project. I have assisted Dr. B in authoring a paper on this topic which I shall be presenting this January in the International Conference On Materials For The Future on his behalf. Also I am involved in the stress and vibrational analysis of the ailerons of the FFF project in DDD. I have also been part of many seminars conducted by DDD in the past three years, thus broadening my knowledge in the aerospace fields. Along with my studies I have also made sure to pursue my cultural and artistic passions. I am a professional contemporary theatre artist with around 40 performances in GGG with reviews in many national daily newspapers.
My academic interests are actually strongly associated with my belief in conquering the next frontier that challenges humanity as a whole, Inter-planetary propulsion, which is why I am extremely motivated to be involved in research in the field of Propulsion, Orbital Mechanics, Space applications and Material Science. I am particularly interested in Tether Propulsion and hope to inspect this application closely. University of Texas, Austin provides me an opportunity to work with celebrities in the field like Dr. C, Dr E and Dr. F ensuring magnificent guidance throughout my course and exceptional facilities like the Center for Aeromechanics Research, Center for Mechanics of Solids, Structures and Materials and Center for Space Research all of which are directly related to my interest
After graduation I intend to further my knowledge on Space Applications and Astrodynamics with the goal of being involved in developing pragmatic applications of these disciplines, and I feel University of Austin, Texas can guide me to success in this venture. I shall regard admission to your university not only an honour but also a great responsibility for me to produce substantial results consistently.
You seem to have a good profile, also first two paragraphs sound good.
May be you could try to mix up 3rd, 4th and 5th paragraphs with 6th and 7th in a cause and effect fashion. What I mean is, I see that you have some relevant experiences. So you could possibly try to use these experiences as a motivation and bridge to your purposes. Purposes could be, working on a particular project in Dr. C's lab or following a course of your interest by Dr. E or doing an internship at LM in some particular area or getting involved in a Prof's research work on which you have some prior knowledge/keen interest, etc. If you could do this, then it will be a good SOP.
All the best
Hey Anil,
thanks for the reply. I think I understand what you are trying to say, but could you elaborate on it just a little more.
By the way from what i understand , it sounds like a great idea. What i have now sounds more like a list right ?
actualise contributions to these disciplines
This is an example of using too many complicated words while not conveying enough meaning. It is a very general assertion of interest in this field. Referencing the Wright Brothers makes it very broad and all-encompassing.
All-encompassing = nothing in particular.
Do not use too many modifiers... they do not help as much as examples:
immense interest
Right here, you are missing a period: all of which are directly related to my interest
But also, I want to know what interest you are referring you. "all of which are directly related to my interest"... so you must have some areas of specialization in mind... tell about your particular approach. Let the reader have some concepts (pertaining to the aerospace dept) to mentally associate with you... something to help them remember you. :-)
Hey EF_Kevin
Yeah, I totally reworked my SOP. That was my first draft by the way, saw those problems after I went through it a few times. Sent the new SOP and the application. Waiting for a reply now. Hope its positive :(
Thanks for the reply by the way :)
